The 10 Deadly Sins of Parenting (Developing Competent Kids for the Future)

Save this PDF as:
 WORD  PNG  TXT  JPG

Size: px
Start display at page:

Download "The 10 Deadly Sins of Parenting (Developing Competent Kids for the Future)"

Transcription

1 The 10 Deadly Sins of Parenting (Developing Competent Kids for the Future) The 10 Deadly Sins 1. Trying to keep child and self from experiencing discomfort 2. Trying to fit too much into too little 3. Feeling NO but saying YES 4. Placing Child ahead of Spouse 5. Keeping Secrets 6. Bribing Kids with material rewards 7. Expecting way more from your kid than you did from yourself 8. Talking instead of taking action (consequence) 9. Undermining the other parent 10. Having Affection levels that are out of balance (Too little or Too much) among family members

2 Anxiety Management To the Parents and loved ones being affected by the anxious child: Okay you are not alone. You are asking very good questions. I will give you my best practice advice for the treatment and intervention regarding Anxiety/Dependency issues in humans. Take what you like and apply it or disregard any and all of it as you see fit. I look at these things behaviorally first and foremost. The one thing that separates functioning humans from animals and inmates is our ability to execute a behavior despite a thought or a feeling. I proceed with a competency based model until I have sustained evidence that the person is incapable of meeting the request, requirement or expectation in front of them. An example of an incapability problem might be a parent demanding a 2 year old tie his shoes, forcing potty training before the child is developed enough to execute the expectation or demanding a dyslexic child read a complex passage in front of his class. In those instances you can actually increase stress and create self-esteem and self control issues in the person. In instances of anxiety/dependency we mostly are dealing with a perceived sensation of discomfort. A thought, triggers a feeling and then the person goes into behavior responses that bring them some type of relief. The relief behavior is often avoidant in nature and brings a temporary sense of relief and control. Eventually however the relief behaviors begin to shrink the person s life experiences. Although initially the anxious person can develop a brief false sense of security they end up reducing their opportunities to build life skills, emotional resiliency and adaptability. The end result is they re-loop into more frequent, avoidant and controlling responses which inhibit personal growth and maturity. The cycle begins! Examples of relief behaviors: Hiding behind Clinging Crying Giving up Asking for help Disrupting/arguing Tantrums Refusing Holding Seeking constant reassurance For parents the most difficult secondary factor to control is our discomfort about our child s discomfort. In fact many parents move too quickly to get their child out of discomfort because it reduces their own discomfort. In a sense it is anxiety squared. Once a child senses a parent is anxious or stressed by the child s discomfort, and that the parent may give in to avoidant strategies, the anxiety and related control issues are at risk of increasing. Similarly if our primary responses as a parent are either nurturing/adaptive, or a blend of nurturing/adaptive and stringent/rigid, the child will most likely increase their efforts to activate an avoidant outcome. Subsequently if we pick the wrong strategy to start with, or

3 fluctuate between right and wrong strategies the child s anxiety patterns may be highly variable or worsen. If the child is to be successful he simply needs to up the ante and make you more uncomfortable to achieve success/avoidance of the request, requirement or expectation. In most instances guiding and pushing a person through or past their anxiety/avoidance with confidence and calm emotional resolve will lead to positive outcomes. The key is to push past their initial emotional thresholds without freaking out. Kids can become very determined to get what they feel they want or need. With the anxious child this means having to redouble efforts to convince a parent they are not capable of meeting the expectation in front of them. This could mean some fairly extreme emotional expressions that parents have to be ready to handle without flinching. Typically this period of adjustment in parent/child interaction can take 90 days to re-establish new patterns. A parent may end up feeling insensitive and the child will make every effort to convince them they are. In the child s arsenal are sad looks, tears, sobbing, screaming, dramatic declaration of unrealistic fears, physical symptoms and even extreme temper tantrums or threats of harm if nothing else seems to be working. Patience, confidence, consistency and persistence are required to get through this phase. One flinch can reinforce the possibility that the child will not have to meet the expectations in front of them and the cycle re-starts. The two most important questions that the person with anxiety or the managers of the person with anxiety have to answer are: 1. Is this person safe? 2. Is this person capable? Obviously the person with anxiety has doubts about their safety/wellbeing and their capability within their environment. They are acting out these doubts to the point where other people are hearing about it, seeing it or sensing it. Individual counseling can be helpful at developing an understanding of anxiety and strategies for coping. Counseling however relies heavily on the individual to gain insight and apply what they have learned to get different results. Anxiety however screams doubt into the person s soul and often they cannot answer yes to the questions above long enough to act reasonably or capably. It is simply too tempting to deploy avoidant strategies to reduce anxiety and reinforce the conclusion that they are not safe and capable. Subsequently kids need a lot of guidance from adults around them to break the cycle. If parents have trouble answering yes to either of these questions than the child will leap into that little crack of doubt with all sorts of regressive and incapable behaviors to activate avoidance and accommodations. If parents say yes, but emotionally doubt, then they will act with hesitance which will reactivate the cycle. Thinking, Feeling and Acting YES to the above questions will yield more clear and consistent messages of confidence and capability that the child will integrate and act on over time. Again this can take up to 90 days to develop new patterns that hold. Kids with anxiety want to share it frequently and engage all sorts of conversations based on false presumptions and dooms day scenarios. They want someone else to take care of the unrealistic thing that doesn t really need taking care of. These engagements serve as focal points for false nurturance and must be contained. These conversation points also serve to accidently give the anxious person the belief that their anxiety is reasonable. If they can get you to see the unreasonable then perhaps they can gain support for their avoidant/relief behaviors. Be careful not to feed the beast! I suggest targeting a very specific time for parents or adults to engage dooms day discussions. Never engage the enemy right before bed or sleep will be a thing of the past. Typically setting up an emotional check in point before or after dinner is adequate. Be willing to listen to and empathize with all of your child s irrational thoughts and scary feelings for up to 5 minutes. Use kindness but do not indulge or cottle and do not put forth solutions that are not realistic or sustainable. Require them to provide two positive thoughts and observations for every negative utterance. Provide statements of support and understanding and reassurance not solutions. At all costs use humor and absurdity to bring them back to the obvious they are taking themselves and life too seriously. The anxious person is worrying about the past or the future, neither of which they can control. Here and now is where they need to be. Solutions to anxiety come from our internal conclusions which are based on our external realities.

4 In a small percentage of cases adults and kids cannot re-establish their emotional balance and their behavior remains erratic and challenging and often disrupts day to day functioning to a degree that medications may be helpful. Medications can be very effective at curbing the physical/perceptual sensation of anxiety that often triggers avoidant response sets. Some kids fall back into a typical, functional routine without further consideration. A host of other kids and adults show temporary relief but re-emerge with more complex challenges involving avoidance and control. This latter group may benefit from a combination of medications and some of the considerations mentioned above. Additionally some kids benefit from brief periods of counseling in which they learn about anxiety and different ways to cope that don t promote avoidant or dependent reactions. I hope this is helpful. If you have questions feel free to call. Regards, James Richardson Director of Services Psychological Resource Group

5 Woodbury MN, James T. Richardson, MS, LP, LSP Missy Perry, LMFT Jeanne Wolfe LPCC (Intern) Practice of Psychology Clinical * Educational * Vocational Conflict Resolution Process Awareness: A person shows an understanding that a problem exists. The who, what, where, why etc may be a point of discussion or disagreement in this phase but everyone agrees that a problem/conflict does exist. Often times this phase is marked by surprise, intense feelings and venting with a sense of disagreement and or disbelief. Acknowledgement: Movement begins when a person is able to identify their contribution to creating a problem, keeping a problem going or adding to it so it gets worse. This phase is highlighted by an understanding that indeed everybody in the conflict has a part they play. The exceptions to this last statement are seen in cases involving violence, sexual abuse and drug/alcohol addiction. In the acknowledgement phase a person makes an I statement that takes accountability and accepts personal responsibility in the conflict. Choice: In this phase a person demonstrates reasonable thinking about how things could have been handled different to prevent or reduce the conflict at hand. They also demonstrate forward thinking about what they will do differently in the future to promote constructive change. Restitution: This is a particularly critical phase in resolving conflict. 9 times out of 10 a simple, sincere apology puts people back on the right track. The key ingredient here is the impact of an apology. It affirms a person s hurt feelings, balances responsibility/blame and most importantly allows the opportunity to practice forgiveness. Sometimes an apology is not enough and the person must give up or add something in order to make the other person or people feel whole. What could you do now so the problem goes away and you and the other people involved feel better about what happened? Forgiveness: Perhaps the most important phase of conflict resolution in intimate relationships. Forgiveness brings the relationship status back to a new beginning. It de-grudges the relationship and allows the offender to go forward without undue levels of guilt and shame. Without forgiveness a person continues to compensate for their unresolved guilt and shame and their behavior and emotions are likely to fluctuate widely.

6864 NE 14th Street, Suite 5 Ankeny, IA 50023 800.277.8145 Toll free 515.289.4567 Dsm area www.ifapa.org Website ifapa@ifapa.

6864 NE 14th Street, Suite 5 Ankeny, IA 50023 800.277.8145 Toll free 515.289.4567 Dsm area www.ifapa.org Website ifapa@ifapa. About IFAPA The Iowa Foster and Adoptive Parents Association (IFAPA) is a non profit organization serving as a resource to foster, adoptive and kinship families in Iowa. Membership with IFAPA is free for

More information

What Can I Do To Help Myself Deal with Loss and Grief?

What Can I Do To Help Myself Deal with Loss and Grief? What Can I Do To Help Myself Deal with Loss and Grief? There are certain tasks that help people adjust to a loss. Every person will complete these tasks in his or her own time and in his/her own way. The

More information

Teach your child The Underwear Rule.

Teach your child The Underwear Rule. 1. Teach your child The Underwear Rule. About one in five children falls victim to sexual violence, including sexual abuse. You can help prevent this happening to your child. Teach your child The Underwear

More information

Getting Ready to Return to Work: Managing Worry about Return to Work

Getting Ready to Return to Work: Managing Worry about Return to Work Getting Ready to Return to Work: Managing Worry about Return to Work Back in Motion Rehab Inc. January 2014 Managing Worry about Returning to Work Most people experience worry and anxiety about going back

More information

RESOURCES.RESULTS.RELIEF. How to Address Excessive Reassurance Seeking

RESOURCES.RESULTS.RELIEF. How to Address Excessive Reassurance Seeking RESOURCES.RESULTS.RELIEF. How to Address Excessive Reassurance Seeking Children and teens look to their parents for information about the world. It is normal and helpful for parents to provide children

More information

THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF A CANCER DIAGNOSIS

THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF A CANCER DIAGNOSIS The Breast Center- Smilow Cancer Hospital at Yale-New Haven 20 York Street, North Pavilion New Haven, CT 06510 Phone: (203) 200-2328 2328 Fax: (203) 200-2075 2075 THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF A CANCER DIAGNOSIS

More information

GUIDANCE FOR CAREGIVERS: CHILDREN OR TEENS WHO HAD A LOVED ONE DIE IN THE EARTHQUAKE

GUIDANCE FOR CAREGIVERS: CHILDREN OR TEENS WHO HAD A LOVED ONE DIE IN THE EARTHQUAKE GUIDANCE FOR CAREGIVERS: CHILDREN OR TEENS WHO HAD A LOVED ONE DIE IN THE EARTHQUAKE Introduction to trauma The earthquake was a terrifying disaster for adults, children, families, and communities. The

More information

RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONNAIRE. 1. Can you say there s no jealousy in your relationship? Yes No

RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONNAIRE. 1. Can you say there s no jealousy in your relationship? Yes No Circle either Yes or No to the following questions: RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONNAIRE 1. Can you say there s no jealousy in your relationship? Yes No 2. Is your relationship free of drug and alcohol abuse? Yes

More information

ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR: IDEAS TO KEEP IN MIND

ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR: IDEAS TO KEEP IN MIND ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR: IDEAS TO KEEP IN MIND 1) Assertive behavior is often confused with aggressive behavior; however, assertion does not involve hurting the other person physically or emotionally. 2) Assertive

More information

Talking to our children about Violence and Terrorism: Living in Anxious times

Talking to our children about Violence and Terrorism: Living in Anxious times Talking to our children about Violence and Terrorism: Living in Anxious times Living in Anxious Times: Introductory Remarks Since the September 11 attack America has changed. Children and adults alike

More information

Teen Assessment Spirituality

Teen Assessment Spirituality Spirituality You have indicated that you need to pay more attention to the area of Spirituality. We recommend developing I may not know what I want to do yet with my life, but I know my life has meaning

More information

The Doctor-Patient Relationship

The Doctor-Patient Relationship The Doctor-Patient Relationship It s important to feel at ease with your doctor. How well you are able to talk with your doctor is a key part of getting the care that s best for you. It s also important

More information

A quote by the French philosopher Montaigne: My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

A quote by the French philosopher Montaigne: My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened. HOW TO STOP WORRYING A quote by the French philosopher Montaigne: My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened. Before getting started on helping you decrease your worrying,

More information

Tear Soup Cooking Tips Reprinted from Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss

Tear Soup Cooking Tips Reprinted from Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss Grandy s Cooking Tips Grief is the process you go through as you adjust to the loss of anything or anyone important in your life. The loss of a job, a move, divorce, death of someone you love, or a change

More information

Developing An Environment Where Children Can Learn. (Classroom Management)

Developing An Environment Where Children Can Learn. (Classroom Management) California State University Los Angeles Education Specialist Intern Program Developing An Environment Where Children Can Learn An Introduction (Classroom Management) Helpful Hints Series #5 from Dr. Barry

More information

STOP BULLYING Taken from Kidscape Preventing Bullying document. Physical: pushing, kicking, hitting, pinching and any other forms of violence.

STOP BULLYING Taken from Kidscape Preventing Bullying document. Physical: pushing, kicking, hitting, pinching and any other forms of violence. STOP BULLYING Taken from Kidscape Preventing Bullying document Bullying can be: Physical: pushing, kicking, hitting, pinching and any other forms of violence. Verbal: name-calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours,

More information

1. You feel like you don t have control over your mind or physical body.

1. You feel like you don t have control over your mind or physical body. 9 Signs Your Anxiety Is A Problem (And What You Can Do About It) Everyone experiences anxiety it s part of life. But when anxiety becomes extreme or excessive it can start to impact your life in negative

More information

MANAGING DIFFICULT BEHAVIOUR

MANAGING DIFFICULT BEHAVIOUR MANAGING DIFFICULT BEHAVIOUR All materials Lindsay Wright. This pack for sample purposes only and not for re-use. 1 WHAT IS CONFLICT Conflict can be defined as a difference in view between stakeholders;

More information

Practical Jealousy Management

Practical Jealousy Management Florida Poly Retreat 2006 Practical Jealousy Management Part 1: On the Nature of Jealousy Jealousy is an unusual emotion in that it is an emotion rooted in other emotions. Often, the root of jealousy lies

More information

Let s Stop Bullying. Confident Happy Children: a leaflet for parents of pre-school and primary school children

Let s Stop Bullying. Confident Happy Children: a leaflet for parents of pre-school and primary school children Let s Stop Bullying Confident Happy Children: a leaflet for parents of pre-school and primary school children by the Scottish Government 2014 in conjunction with Strathesk Primary School 1 Bullying in

More information

Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships (Adapted by C. Leech from Tools for Coping with Life s Stressors from the Coping.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships (Adapted by C. Leech from Tools for Coping with Life s Stressors from the Coping. Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships (Adapted by C. Leech from Tools for Coping with Life s Stressors from the Coping.org website) Introduction People with low self-esteem have their major

More information

Walking a Tightrope. Alcohol and other drug use and violence: A guide for families. Alcohol- and Other Drug-related Violence

Walking a Tightrope. Alcohol and other drug use and violence: A guide for families. Alcohol- and Other Drug-related Violence Walking a Tightrope Alcohol and other drug use and violence: A guide for families Alcohol- and Other Drug-related Violence Alcohol and other drug use and family violence often occur together. Families

More information

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD Introduction Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a common disorder in which a person experiences disabling anxiety after a traumatic event. People with PTSD

More information

You and Your New Dog: Navigating The First Weeks After Adopting a Dog

You and Your New Dog: Navigating The First Weeks After Adopting a Dog You and Your New Dog: Navigating The First Weeks After Adopting a Dog Revised June 2013 YOU AND YOUR NEW DOG: TABLE OF CONTENTS Imagine living for days, weeks, months in a shelter. Your home is a kennel,

More information

Looking after someone with Depression or Anxiety. Providing services we would be happy for our own families to use

Looking after someone with Depression or Anxiety. Providing services we would be happy for our own families to use Looking after someone with Depression or Anxiety Providing services we would be happy for our own families to use About this booklet: Picking up this booklet means that you are looking after someone with

More information

Helping Your Child Navigate Social Dilemmas

Helping Your Child Navigate Social Dilemmas Helping Your Child Navigate Social Dilemmas By Kristen Eastman, Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist, Cleveland Clinic Foundation Children s Hospital Board of Directors, Selective Mutism Group (SMG) All children

More information

Explaining Prison to Children

Explaining Prison to Children Explaining Prison to Children What is this booklet about? When parents or relatives are arrested and held in prison, it can be a difficult thing for children to understand and they be feel scared, confused,

More information

Self-Confidence Test

Self-Confidence Test Instructions Self-Confidence Test Complete each sentence below by selecting one of the four options. Your answers should reflect how you are currently feeling related to your self-confidence. 1. When it

More information

Forgiveness forgiveness

Forgiveness forgiveness Forgiveness Forgiveness Dealing with the past hurts and pains of our life is perhaps one of the biggest obstacles we face in terms of achieving the place of peace most of us are seeking. Emotions from

More information

Restorative Parenting: A Group Facilitation Curriculum Activities Dave Mathews, Psy.D., LICSW

Restorative Parenting: A Group Facilitation Curriculum Activities Dave Mathews, Psy.D., LICSW Restorative Parenting: A Group Facilitation Curriculum Activities Dave Mathews, Psy.D., LICSW RP Activities 1. Framework of Resourcefulness 2. Identifying the Broken Contract Articles 3. The Process of

More information

4 Possessive/Jealous. Men in Relationships

4 Possessive/Jealous. Men in Relationships 4 Possessive/Jealous Men in Relationships A possessive/jealous man will: Tell you how to dress; Be overly concerned about where you are going when socializing; Insist on escorting you to mundane places;

More information

PARENTAL RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES

PARENTAL RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES PARENTAL RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES The relationship between children and their parents in a divorce, once called custody, is now called Parental Rights and Responsibilities. The wording of the law has

More information

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES A summary of Dr. Gary Chapman s principles

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES A summary of Dr. Gary Chapman s principles THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES A summary of Dr. Gary Chapman s principles The First Love Language: Words of Affirmation Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are

More information

Managing Challenging Behavior

Managing Challenging Behavior Managing Challenging Behavior Laura Taddei PQAS #CI-0036000 Learning Objectives o Participants will identify managing behaviors that may occur while caring for children o Participants will analyze positive

More information

The Relationship Institute

The Relationship Institute The Relationship Institute www.therelationshipinstitute.org Evaluating the relative strengths and weaknesses in your marriage The checklist below will help you determine the relative weaknesses and strengths

More information

REALLY ANGRY? Have you ever been BOILING MAD???

REALLY ANGRY? Have you ever been BOILING MAD??? Anger Management Training Trish Dean, M.Ed., LPC Licensed as Patricia A Dean, M.Ed., LPC, LPCC Licensed Professional Counselor ~ SC License # 2224 Clinical Mental Health Counselor in New Mexico ~ LPCC

More information

Guide 7 Iceberg beliefs underlying beliefs that can undermine our resilience

Guide 7 Iceberg beliefs underlying beliefs that can undermine our resilience Guide 7 Iceberg beliefs underlying beliefs that can undermine our resilience Some of our beliefs are difficult to identify because they are deeper and more complex. These beliefs operate at an unconscious

More information

OUTREACH VERSION. SERVICES FOR TEENS AT RISK STAR Center Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic (412) 246-5619

OUTREACH VERSION. SERVICES FOR TEENS AT RISK STAR Center Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic (412) 246-5619 OUTREACH VERSION SERVICES FOR TEENS AT RISK STAR Center Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic (412) 246-5619 All Rights Reserved 2007 UPMC Health System TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION 2 WHAT IS DEPRESSION?

More information

Session Seven - Problem-Solving Skills for Families

Session Seven - Problem-Solving Skills for Families 105 Session Seven - Problem-Solving Skills for Families Materials Needed: Handout L: Problem-Solving Skills As the popular bumper sticker says, Stuff happens. Problems are an inevitable part of life, and

More information

Bullying only happens in schools

Bullying only happens in schools Bullying only happens in schools Flashcard 1 Question Copyright Family Lives 2014 If you report the bullying to a teacher then you are a snitch Flashcard 2 Question Copyright Family Lives 2014 This is

More information

Supporting your child after a burn injury

Supporting your child after a burn injury Royal Manchester Children s Hospital Supporting your child after a burn injury Information for Parents and Carers of Young Children 2 Contents Page Introduction 4 Trauma and children 4 Normal reactions

More information

What was the impact for you? For the patient? How did it turn out? How has this helped you in your job? What was the result?

What was the impact for you? For the patient? How did it turn out? How has this helped you in your job? What was the result? EXAMPLE VALUE BASED INTERVIEW QUESTIONS VALUE LEADING QUESTION FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS KEY CRITERIA Compassion Give me an example of a time when you were particularly perceptive regarding a Describe what you

More information

Explaining Separation/Divorce to Children

Explaining Separation/Divorce to Children Explaining Separation/Divorce to Children By: Liana Lowenstein, MSW (Tel) 416-575-7836 (email) liana@globalserve.net (Web) www.lianalowenstein.com General Tips Prepare yourself before addressing the issue

More information

The Psychological Stages of Divorce by Diane Neumann. Introduction:

The Psychological Stages of Divorce by Diane Neumann. Introduction: The Psychological Stages of Divorce by Diane Neumann Introduction: Rarely is anyone prepared for the end of their marriage. This is almost as true for the spouse who initiates the divorce, as it is for

More information

Taking Care: Child and Youth Mental Health ANXIETY WHAT IS IT?

Taking Care: Child and Youth Mental Health ANXIETY WHAT IS IT? Taking Care: Child and Youth Mental Health ANXIETY WHAT IS IT? Open Learning Agency 2004 WHAT IS IT? Anxiety is a normal human feeling characterized by worry, nervousness and fear. Not only does anxiety

More information

HOW TO CHANGE NEGATIVE THINKING

HOW TO CHANGE NEGATIVE THINKING HOW TO CHANGE NEGATIVE THINKING For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2, 239 251. Although you may not be fully aware of it, our minds

More information

Potty/Toilet Training Information Sheet Page 1 of 3 Revised 2/14/2008

Potty/Toilet Training Information Sheet Page 1 of 3 Revised 2/14/2008 Potty/Toilet Training Information Sheet Page 1 of 3 Revised 2/14/2008 CHILD DEVELOPMENT INFORMATION & TIPS SHEET: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Disclaimer: The following information was compiled for First 5 LA Parent

More information

What s Happening. to Mom? Talking to your children about breast cancer

What s Happening. to Mom? Talking to your children about breast cancer What s Happening to Mom? Talking to your children about breast cancer Your breast cancer diagnosis affects your entire family. You may wonder how it will affect your children. You want to protect your

More information

Pain and the Brain. 1. Helpful and Unhelpful Thinking

Pain and the Brain. 1. Helpful and Unhelpful Thinking Pain and the Brain Your brain is a very powerful tool. How you think about your experience can make the difference between not coping and coping, between enduring life and enjoying life. Sometimes people

More information

Introduction to Healthy Family Dynamics

Introduction to Healthy Family Dynamics Introduction to Parents & Families: Relationships are important to a satisfying life and learning about healthy relationships begins at home. Family provides the foundation for our sense of security and

More information

Specific Phobias. Anxiety Disorders Association of America

Specific Phobias. Anxiety Disorders Association of America Specific Phobias Everyone thinks that once I ve driven on the highway, I ve conquered it. They just don t understand... I don t understand. It s a day-in and day-out struggle. What is a phobia? We all

More information

A Guide for Parents. of Elementary and Secondary School Students

A Guide for Parents. of Elementary and Secondary School Students A Guide for Parents of Elementary and Secondary School Students Updated Spring 2011 The effects of bullying go beyond the school yard. As a parent, here s what to watch for, what you can do, and where

More information

Cognitive triad: negative view of future, world, and self. Cognitive distortions-faulty information processing Core irrational beliefs which create a

Cognitive triad: negative view of future, world, and self. Cognitive distortions-faulty information processing Core irrational beliefs which create a Cognitive triad: negative view of future, world, and self. Cognitive distortions-faulty information processing Core irrational beliefs which create a psychological vulnerability to depression. Typically

More information

A Guide for Parents. of Elementary and Secondary School Students

A Guide for Parents. of Elementary and Secondary School Students A Guide for Parents of Elementary and Secondary School Students The effects of bullying go beyond the school yard. As a parent, here s what to watch for, what you can do, and where you can go to get help.

More information

Department of Early Education and Care Technical Assistance. Child Guidance

Department of Early Education and Care Technical Assistance. Child Guidance Department of Early Education and Care Technical Assistance Child Guidance Ask anyone and they will tell you that helping children develop self-control is an enormous challenge and responsibility. Effective

More information

Every day, bullying hurts another child.

Every day, bullying hurts another child. Every morning... Every Lunch Hour... Every Afternoon... Every day, bullying hurts another child. Learn how you can help stop bullying. Communities and schools in Manitoba are taking action to stop bullying

More information

Self-Esteem and Mental Health. Chapter 3. Contents

Self-Esteem and Mental Health. Chapter 3. Contents Self-Esteem and Mental Health Contents Section 1 Building Your Self-Esteem Section 2 Using Good Communication Skills Section 3 Mental and Emotional Health Section 4 Understanding Mental Disorders Section

More information

dealing with a depression diagnosis

dealing with a depression diagnosis tips for dealing with a depression diagnosis 2011 www.heretohelp.bc.ca No one wants to feel unwell. Talking to your doctor or other health professional about problems with your mood is an important first

More information

My Classroom Management Philosophy

My Classroom Management Philosophy My Classroom Management Philosophy I believe one of the hardest things for new teachers to build is their classroom management plan. I have seen many different types of classroom management plans throughout

More information

THE EFFECTS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE ON CHILDREN. Where Does It Hurt?

THE EFFECTS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE ON CHILDREN. Where Does It Hurt? THE EFFECTS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE ON CHILDREN Where Does It Hurt? Child Abuse Hurts Us All Every child has the right to be nurtured and to be safe. According to: Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile

More information

USVH Disease of the Week #1: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

USVH Disease of the Week #1: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) USVH Disease of the Week #1: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Effects of Traumatic Experiences A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet By: Eve B. Carlson, Ph.D. and Josef Ruzek, Ph.D. When people find

More information

The Respectful Workplace: You Can Stop Harassment: Opening the Right Doors. Taking Responsibility

The Respectful Workplace: You Can Stop Harassment: Opening the Right Doors. Taking Responsibility The Respectful Workplace: Opening the Right Doors You Can Stop Harassment: Taking Responsibility Statewide Training and Development Services Human Resource Services Division Department of Administrative

More information

Effective Counseling Skills

Effective Counseling Skills Effective Counseling Skills All rights reserved. Daniel Keeran, MSW College of Mental Health Counseling www.collegemhc.com Daniel Keeran, MSW, has been a professional counselor and therapist for over 30

More information

Talking to a friend or family member affected by depression

Talking to a friend or family member affected by depression Talking to a friend or family member affected by depression Supported by Supported by the European Depression Association Brought to you by For people affected by depression, discussing their condition

More information

AN EXERCISE IN UNCONDITIONAL SELF LOVE Created by Rita Loyd Sept. 2008

AN EXERCISE IN UNCONDITIONAL SELF LOVE Created by Rita Loyd Sept. 2008 AN EXERCISE IN UNCONDITIONAL SELF LOVE Created by Rita Loyd Sept. 2008 AS I FACE THIS PARTICULAR CHALLENGE IN MY LIFE: I PROMISE MYSELF to face it with the support and encouragement of unconditional self-love:

More information

Why culture matters for children s development and wellbeing

Why culture matters for children s development and wellbeing Why culture matters for children s development and wellbeing Contents Diversity in Australia What is cultural diversity? Diversity and belonging How does diversity influence children s mental health? Challenges

More information

MODEL POLICY: ACTION PLAN TO ADDRESS BULLYING

MODEL POLICY: ACTION PLAN TO ADDRESS BULLYING MODEL POLICY: ACTION PLAN TO ADDRESS BULLYING The following is a model procedure to implement the USA Swimming rule prohibiting bullying, which is provided to assist USA Swimming member clubs in developing

More information

Anti-Bullying Policy Statement

Anti-Bullying Policy Statement Anti-Bullying Policy Statement RATIONALE Bullying is the willful, conscious desire to hurt, threaten or frighten someone else. Our school will not tolerate behaviour of any kind that makes another person

More information

Oklahoma Cooperative Extension Service Family Violence. When NOT to Co-Parent

Oklahoma Cooperative Extension Service Family Violence. When NOT to Co-Parent When NOT to Co-Parent Family Violence There are number of situations in which parents should exercise caution in the co-parenting relationship. Specifically we need to protect children from abusive relationships

More information

relationships Seeing Jesus in My Relationships Changes Everything

relationships Seeing Jesus in My Relationships Changes Everything relationships relationships SEEING JESUS CHANGES EVERYTHING 1 Sample chapter reprinted from Circle of Catholic Women Journal One: Personal reflection and group sharing to help you deepen your faith and

More information

Faculty/Staff Referral Guide for Students in Crisis

Faculty/Staff Referral Guide for Students in Crisis Counseling Services Faculty/Staff Referral Guide for Students in Crisis The purpose of this guide is to provide faculty and professional staff with information about counseling services, referral information,

More information

What Are the Symptoms of Depression?

What Are the Symptoms of Depression? Lately, Lindsay hasn t felt like herself. Her friends have noticed it, too. Kia was surprised when Lindsay turned down her invitation to go shopping last Saturday (she always loves to shop). There was

More information

Psychological First Aid Red Cross Preparedness Academy 2014

Psychological First Aid Red Cross Preparedness Academy 2014 Caring for Survivors of Trauma and Disaster: An Introduction to Psychological First Aid Biographical Information Rev. William F. Engfehr III LutheranChurch MissouriSynod DisasterResponseChaplain Senior

More information

Ten Actions ALL Parents Can Take to Help Eliminate Bullying

Ten Actions ALL Parents Can Take to Help Eliminate Bullying Ten Actions ALL Parents Can Take to Help Eliminate Bullying Bullying Special Edition, copyright 2012, www.education.com/bullying The latest research shows that one in three children is directly involved

More information

Anger Management Course Workbook. 5. Challenging Angry Thoughts and Beliefs

Anger Management Course Workbook. 5. Challenging Angry Thoughts and Beliefs Anger Management Course Workbook 5. Challenging Angry Thoughts and Beliefs Stop-Think-Act In earlier classes, we have introduced the concept of stopping and thinking before acting when we feel angry. In

More information

By Brianne Masselli and Johanna Bergan Youth M.O.V.E. National. A Guide for Youth. Understanding Trauma

By Brianne Masselli and Johanna Bergan Youth M.O.V.E. National. A Guide for Youth. Understanding Trauma By Brianne Masselli and Johanna Bergan Youth M.O.V.E. National A Guide for Youth Understanding Trauma For National Technical Assistance Center for Children s Mental Health Georgetown University Center

More information

Kindergarten. Demonstrate knowledge of different kinds of feelings and a vocabulary of feeling words; e.g., happiness, excitement

Kindergarten. Demonstrate knowledge of different kinds of feelings and a vocabulary of feeling words; e.g., happiness, excitement Kindergarten Lesson 1 Identifying an Adult Who You Can Go To For Help W K.8 W K.7 Identify safety symbols; e.g., Block Parents, hazardous goods symbols Identify unsafe situations, and identify safety rules

More information

Listen, Protect, and Connect

Listen, Protect, and Connect Page 1 Listen, Protect, and Connect PSYCHOLOGICAL FIRST AID FOR CHILDREN, PARENTS, AND OTHER CAREGIVERS AFTER NATURAL DISASTERS Helping you and your child in times of disaster. Page 2 As a parent or adult

More information

Behavior & Sensory Strategies for Individuals with ASD

Behavior & Sensory Strategies for Individuals with ASD Behavior & Sensory Strategies for Individuals with ASD Kathleen Mo Taylor, OTR/L The Autism Programs Center for Development and Disability University of New Mexico This presentation is made possible, in

More information

Helping your child stop bullying

Helping your child stop bullying Australian Government Australian Institute of Family Studies Child Family Community Australia Helping your child stop bullying A guide for parents Jodie Lodge Helping your child stop bullying It s hard

More information

Depression and Disability

Depression and Disability shinecharity.org.uk info@shinecharity.org.uk 42 Park Road Peterborough PE1 2UQ 01733 555988 Depression and Disability Feelings and Disability Many people with long-term physical difficulties don t like

More information

Parenting. Coping with DEATH. For children aged 6 to 12

Parenting. Coping with DEATH. For children aged 6 to 12 Parenting Positively Coping with DEATH For children aged 6 to 12 This booklet will help you to understand more about death and the feelings we all have when someone we care about, like a parent, a brother

More information

Strategies To Build Healthy Self-Esteem

Strategies To Build Healthy Self-Esteem Strategies To Build Healthy Self-Esteem Students, just like many people in society, struggle with self-esteem issues on a daily basis, since our self-esteem can affect almost everything we do. Self-esteem

More information

Responding to Bullying

Responding to Bullying Responding to Bullying F i r s t s t e p s f o r t e a c h e r s The Cool School Programme Contents Introduction Why pupils don t tell When pupils tell What can you do if a pupil tells you that he/she

More information

Postpartum Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Postpartum Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Postpartum Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Emotional Recovery: Postpartum Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder By: Lisa Houchins Published: July 23, 2013 Emotions vary widely after

More information

In all sorts of work and personal situations, you come across people

In all sorts of work and personal situations, you come across people Chapter 1 Introducing Counselling Skills In This Chapter Developing as a listening helper Realising that self-understanding is essential Discovering the challenges of ethical practice Preparing to understand

More information

What Is the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program?

What Is the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program? Dear Parent/Guardians, Your child s school will be using the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program. This research-based program reduces bullying in schools. It also helps to make school a safer, more positive

More information

PROMOTING EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

PROMOTING EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION 5 PROMOTING EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION Positive Self-Esteem Stress Management Assertiveness Social Skills Problem Solving J o u r n e y o f S u p p o r t: A DSW Action Guide 5 PROMOTING EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

More information

How Teacher Personality and Style Affects the Growth of Self Confidence

How Teacher Personality and Style Affects the Growth of Self Confidence Series II Step 5 How Teacher Personality and Style Affects the Growth of Self Confidence Adapted from the book, Creating Confident Children in the Classroom: The Use of Positive Restructuring. Introduction

More information

After the Reduction in Force: How to Re-Energize Your Team

After the Reduction in Force: How to Re-Energize Your Team Overview This offering will take managers through a five-step process, providing detailed worksheets/activities for each step. The five steps that managers will be guided through are: 1. Personally prepare

More information

COUNSELLING WITH PLYMOUTH UNIVERSITY

COUNSELLING WITH PLYMOUTH UNIVERSITY Worry and how to manage it Student Counselling www.plymouth.ac.uk/counselling COUNSELLING WITH PLYMOUTH UNIVERSITY WORRY and how to manage it Worry was a bad habit, which seemed to grow worse the older

More information

Accessing Meanings

Accessing Meanings www.working-minds.org.uk Accessing Meanings Accessing Meanings As we have highlighted already, understanding the way we cope with situations and manage our emotions is about looking at the ways in which

More information

OVERCOMING LOW SELF-ESTEEM SELF-HELP PROGRAMME

OVERCOMING LOW SELF-ESTEEM SELF-HELP PROGRAMME This module is part of the OVERCOMING LOW SELF-ESTEEM SELF-HELP PROGRAMME A 3-part programme based on Cognitive Behavioural Techniques Melanie Fennell Copyright Melanie Fennell 2006 This file belongs to

More information

Girl Scouts Diamonds of Arkansas, Oklahoma and Texas

Girl Scouts Diamonds of Arkansas, Oklahoma and Texas Girl Scouts Diamonds of Arkansas, Oklahoma and Texas NO BULLIES PATCH Daisy Girl Scouts Bullying starts in preschool, seems to peak during the middle school years, and declines during high school. Except

More information

Parent Tips. What Parents Should Know About Bullying

Parent Tips. What Parents Should Know About Bullying Parent Tips What Parents Should Know About Bullying What is Bullying? The Pinellas County Schools Policy against Bullying and Harassment defines bullying as: Systematically and chronically inflicting physical

More information

Helping Families of Children with Williams Syndrome Cope with the Death of a Loved One; Getting started By Karen Levine, Ph.D.; Terry Monkaba, MBA

Helping Families of Children with Williams Syndrome Cope with the Death of a Loved One; Getting started By Karen Levine, Ph.D.; Terry Monkaba, MBA Helping Families of Children with Williams Syndrome Cope with the Death of a Loved One; Getting started By Karen Levine, Ph.D.; Terry Monkaba, MBA Helping a typically developing child cope with the loss

More information

PSYCHOSOCIAL ISSUES AND HIV/AIDS. TIHAN Training for Care & Support Volunteers

PSYCHOSOCIAL ISSUES AND HIV/AIDS. TIHAN Training for Care & Support Volunteers PSYCHOSOCIAL ISSUES AND HIV/AIDS TIHAN Training for Care & Support Volunteers WHAT IS PSYCHOSOCIAL? Psychology + Sociology Psychosocial development is how a person's mind, emotions, and maturity level

More information

Personal Action / Crisis Prevention Plan

Personal Action / Crisis Prevention Plan Personal Action / Crisis Prevention Plan This Plan is meant to help clients/consumers, their support persons and providers prepare for times when life seems too hard to manage. This Plan is designed to

More information

Definition of self-esteem

Definition of self-esteem Definition of self-esteem Self-esteem, self confidence and self worth Definition of self-esteem according to Wikipedia; In psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall self-appraisal of their own

More information

STEP 5: Giving Feedback

STEP 5: Giving Feedback STEP 5: Giving Feedback Introduction You are now aware of the responsibilities of workplace mentoring, the six step approach to teaching skills, the importance of identifying the point of the lesson, and

More information