A Friendship Above All Others. Leader Guide Unit 4 lesson 1

Transcription

1 A Friendship Above All Others Leader Guide Unit 4 lesson 1

2 Scripture 1 Samuel 20:1-42 Lesson Overview: Relational Dimension Middle school students are obsessed with friendships. They need to be around a social community almost all the time. It defines who they are and who they want to be. And, these peer groups encourage each other to test their boundaries, especially in the place of authority. Because they are insecure, kids often make decisions based on the fear that they will not be accepted otherwise. This lesson teaches the importance of friendships rooted in faith. When we are surrounded by other christians, we get accountability and stability, and we grow in our confidence (through God) and can discern right from wrong, good from evil and act accordingly. The story of David and his friendship with Jonathan will not only provide insight to David s character as a friend but will also help kids understand that we can only reach our true potential when surrounded by others who encourage us to live according to God s Word. That certainly doesn t mean kids need only to have Christian friends, but having a core group of believers helps grow our confidence and our faith and gives kids the courage to make healthy decisions. Biblical Commentary We first see David as a young boy. Most non-christians probably know the story of David and Goliath. The young boy beats the giant using only five small stones. We immediately learn that David is going to be someone of importance in God s story. After Saul s demise as king, God chooses David to be the next king. Contrary to Saul, David is not a man of stature but has a good heart. Do not consider his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart (v. 16:7b). David is a man after God s own heart and thus is the man God chooses to replace Saul. It s difficult to talk of David s story without discussing Saul as well. As we know, Saul grows overly confident and is removed from his position he loses favor with God, and God becomes absent in his life. As a result, Saul is tormented by demons and evil spirits. It appears that he periodically has fits of despair. Saul s attendants suggest he get someone to calm him with music. Thus, David enters Saul s life. David is selected to play the harp when Saul begins to be tormented. And, while he likes David very much, he grows jealous of him. David succeeds in everything he does. The more David succeeds, the more people love him and the more Saul despises him. Ultimately, Saul plots to kill him. It is during this plotting that readers are introduced to the friendship between Jonathan, Saul s son, and David. This gives readers another indication of Saul s heart. We see him lie to his son in 1 Samuel 19:6, when he promises he will not kill David. Saul s wickedness is reiterated as we watch his own son and later his daughter side with their friend rather than their father. (Although, like any child, Jonathan tries to believe the best of his father before learning the truth of his father s heart [v. 7].) In the next chapter (20:1-42), we fully see the friendship of David and Jonathan. Once David learns of Saul s plans to kill him, he flees. We see their loyalty to each other as David confronts Jonathan about his father s wishes. Your father knows very well that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said to himself, Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved. Yet as surely as the Lord lives and as you live, there is only a step between me and death. Jonathan said to David, Whatever you want me to do, I ll do for you (vv. 3-4). Here we see the deep friendship between the two as Jonathan devotes himself to David without even knowing what it is David needs. He doesn t even question it; he pledges his loyalty then and there to David. As the conversation continues, we see even more deeply into the friendship. In verses 8-17, we see not only that they are friends but that they are the best of friends. They have a deep love for each other. David asks his friend to kill him if he is guilty rather than let his father do the task. This is where the real depth comes. David would rather die by a friend s hand than let Saul have his way. Jonathan once again declares his loyalty. Never! Jonathan said. If I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm you, wouldn t I tell you (v. 9)? Later we see Jonathan not only agree to tell David if Saul is going to kill him but also help him escape. If I say to the boy, Look, the arrows are on this side of you; bring them here, then come, because, as surely as the Lord lives, you are safe; there is no danger. But if I say to the boy, Look, the arrows are beyond you, then you must go, because the Lord has sent you away. And about the matter you and I discussed remember, the Lord is witness between you and me forever (v. 21b-23). Not only do readers see Jonathan s commitment to David; we see that their friendship is bound by God. They don t just share a friendship; they share the Lord as their God. Jonathan and David are an illustration to us that Christian friendships are important and binding. 2

3 As David learns the truth of Saul s intentions, we see how painful it is for David to leave his friend. David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together but David wept the most (v. 41). David knows he has to go but is grieving his friend, for they can t be together. Despite this, we hear Jonathan s response and learn that they will always be united through their true God. Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever (v. 42). This encounter helps readers see that the Lord is present, even in difficult situations like friendships ending or people leaving. And, while we learn here about the intimacy of Christian friendship, it is interesting that it doesn t end all happy and cheerful. Rather, the two best friends must part ways. This is a good reminder that sometimes friendships are messy, and sometimes not everything ends happily; however, God is present even during those times. As Jonathan states, the two are grounded in the Lord, demonstrating that the Lord is with them even if they can t be together. It is important not to lose sight of this, even in our own relationships. God puts people in our lives during times when we need them, but that doesn t mean they are meant to be there permanently. Some relationships will make an impact during the time they are needed and then fade away. God has orchestrated all the people in our lives to come in and out as part of his plan. Jonathan and David surely never forget each other or discredit their relationship, but it isn t a friendship that continue for all of their lives. Reflect on these themes: Friendships: Are you being a good friend? Would you say most of your friends are Christians or non-christians? How can we emulate Christ s love through our friendships? Why is it important to have friends who aren t Christian? Think about your students: Friendship is at the center of most adolescents lives. How can we teach our students about uplifting friendships? How can they be friends who demonstrate the love of Christ? Is it important for them to learn that friendships are significant in deeper ways than sharing a lunch table or a desk in a classroom. Resources Computer and projector Movie clip montage from Mean Girls 2 posterboards, markers Journals (found at local store) Pens Messages to Parents and Teens For Teens: The following are a couple messages to Tweet, Facebook, text, or post to teens to promote your meeting and get them thinking about the lesson ahead of time. What do you think it means to be a good friend? Think about that this week, we are going to talk about it at group. Who is your best friend? What attributes make that person so special? This week we are going to look at the friendship of David and Jonathan. A friendship with God at the center! For Parents: Here are some messages you can send to parents to help get the dialogue going at home. Encourage parents to talk to their kids about being continually caught up in the mission of God. Jonathan and David had a special friendship based on their love for God. Are your kids hanging around with other kids with their same beliefs? Do you think this is important? Talk to your student about what it means to be a friend who models Christ. Does that look different from the normal friendship in any way? Dear Parents, It s probably no secret to you that your kids are immersed in their social lives right now. Have you ever thought about how friendships affect who they are becoming? What kind of friend is your student? What kind of friends do they hang out with? Jonathan and David had a very close friendship; one that was rooted in God. Read 1 Samuel 20:1-42 with your student. What can we learn about friendship through these verses? Why do you think David and Jonathan had such a 3 great friendship?

4 Sometimes we are surrounded by people, but we are still lonely. Just because we have a bunch of people around us all the time doesn t necessarily mean they are good friends. How can we teach students to be good friends? Not only can your students learn about how to be friends to others through the demonstration of Jonathan and David, but they can also begin to articulate what it also means to be in a relationship with Jesus. Being a Christian is like being friends with God. This week, we are going to compare what it means to be a good friend with having a friendship with God. Your students will learn how to be Christlike in their friendships as well as communicate with God as if he is a friend. Lesson Guide Explore Open in prayer. Play clip from Mean Girls: ASK: Not the kind of friendship you want, huh? How many of you know someone like Regina or Gretchen? What are qualities of a good friendship? Encounter ASK: Do you know someone who is good at everything? How do you feel when you are around that person? SAY something like: So we meet David at a young age. You probably know him as the boy who killed the giant, Goliath, right? Sound familiar? Okay, David was good at everything he did. This angered Saul. Do you guys remember Saul from the previous lesson? Let me bring you up to speed a little since we last left Saul. When Saul was denounced as king, he went a little crazy. He had these episodes that the Bible says were evil spirits tormenting [him] (1 Samuel 16:15b). Saul had hired David to play music because the music relaxed him and made the evil spirits go away. So Saul was around David quite a bit, and his continued success started to weigh on Saul. So Saul plotted to kill him. But Saul s son, Jonathan, was good friends with David and helped protect him. They became good friends, and that is what we are going to focus on today. Let s read about Jonathan and David s friendship. Break up into a few groups and assign a few different verses to students to read. Have them write down the attributes they see in Jonathan and David s friendship. Verses: 20:1-4 Verses: 20:5-9 Verses: 20:10-15 Verses: 20: Verses: 20:18-23 Verses: 20:24-34 Verses: 20:35-42 ASK: How do you know David and Jonathan are good friends from these excerpts? Reread verse 20:42. ASK: What does this mean? Do you think it is important to have Christian friendships? Why or why not? SAY something like: David and Jonathan s friendship was rooted in God. Jonathan could have sided with his father, but because he knew his father s intentions were ungodly, he sided with David and helped David. ASK: What does it mean to have friendships that are rooted in God? Do you think you should only be friends with Christians? Why? SAY something like: Christian friendships are essential. We cannot grow without them. If we are putting ourselves around people who have the same beliefs as us, it s easier to make the right decisions when things get tough, right? When we are rooted in Christ, we can help hold each other accountable based on biblical truths. ASK: But what risk do we run when we only hang out with Christians? (We never introduce others to the love of Christ.) Get out a posterboard. ASK: How do our friendships model our feelings toward Christ? How can we model Christ through our friendships? Write down answers. Discuss. 4

5 Say something like: Philippians 2:1-8 says: Therefore, if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death even death on a cross! (ESV) ASK: How can this help us when we think about our role as friends? What words stand out to you about how to be a friend? Write down these words on a separate poster board. Do the two match up? Where are they different? How are they different? Engage ASK: Do you view your relationship with God as a friendship? Why or why not? SAY something like: When we begin to look at our relationship with God as a friendship, it changes the way we treat God. When you do things, you begin to think about hurting God, pleasing God. How will this please God, my friend? How will this hurt my friend? Think about this for a minute. Think about your best friend. When you do things in your life, do you think about how it will affect the relationship you have with your best friend? Or parents, even? It s because you care about the relationship. And, when we start treating our relationship with God like a friendship, it changes the way we act here on earth as well. I want you to try this for the next few weeks. Let s see if it changes the way we behave. But, in order to do this, I want us to do an exercise to get in the mindset of God as our friend and confidant. Pass out journals to each student. SAY something like: We are going to do a contemplative prayer exercise. But, before you get scared and wigged out, let me explain what we are going to do. I am going to play some music, and I want you just write to God. It can be just words, feelings, or it can be a letter. Write anything that seems important in your life. Take this seriously. Think about how you would have a conversation with God. Do the exercise. Play a few songs. At completion of the exercise, Say something like: These journals are yours to keep. Over the next few weeks, try having conversations with God. Write them down. Think about how you would have a conversation with a friend, but do it with God instead. Try spending around 20 minutes a day in conversation with God. That s the amount of time you would spend with an average friend. See if this changes how you view God as present in your life and how it affects the way you approach friendships in general. Closing In closing, pray over our friendships. 5

6 Faces of Friendship EXPLORE: If you have time ahead of group, put together a slideshow of pictures from various youth group events or a video. Play the video at group. SAY something like: Many of us have become great friends. There is safety here, and you guys share things here that you wouldn t necessarily share at school or at home. Why do you think that is the case? What makes our friendship so different? Toxic Friendships SAY something like: I recently heard a student tell me that his friends influence him to do things because he can t find the courage to stand up to them when they are doing something wrong. Even if he doesn t want to do something they are doing, many times he gives in because he is afraid they will make fun of him if he doesn t do it. ASK: Why do we surround ourselves with friends like this? We all do it. Do you think these kind of people make good friends? ENCOUNTER: Write on a posterboard some things that cause toxic friendships. (For example: Gossip, Materialism, Lying, Drugs, etc.) ASK: How do we avoid people who bring toxicity to our relationships? Is that possible? What can we do to help one another choose our friendships carefully? Lead by Example Creative Options ENGAGE: Jesus had 12 close friends. Heard of them? Read John 15:9-17. In this passage we see Jesus call his disciples friends. This changes they dynamic of the relationship. No longer is Jesus just a teacher; they are friends and all that that entails. Friendship in the first-century Mediterranean world was a serious matter. To be considered a friend was to be in a position of honor. Being a friend meant being treated as kin with the attendant obligations. To be a friend meant to look out for the welfare of the other, to put the other s needs on an equal footing with one s own. Friendship implied reciprocity as well to consider someone a friend meant counting on that person to return that level of concern and care. When Jesus calls the disciples friends he is investing them with this concern. He has shared with them what the Father has revealed to him, and he has given them the task of going out and sharing this revelation with the world. ( ASK: How can we do this sharing what it means to be a true friend? Not the way our society tells us what friendship is, but the way Jesus describes it? What is the risk in doing this? What is the reward? Are you up to the task? 6