Sigma Lambda Gamma Sorority EMOTIONAL SELF-CONTROL OVERVIEW SHEET

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1 Sigma Lambda Gamma Sorority EMOTIONAL SELF-CONTROL OVERVIEW SHEET What is this skill? It is our emotions that release us from paralysis and motivate us to act, said Jeanne Segal, author of Raising Your Emotional Intelligence. While feeling our emotions and being aware of them is part of this statement, so too is regulating your emotions and your impulses. Increasing your emotional intelligence means being conscious of what you re feeling and how it s impacting you, knowing how to show those emotions and also knowing when to control those emotions. Emotional self-control is about not becoming an emotional volcano erupting every time you feel something. Developing this self-control means recognizing how stress factors into your own ability to control your emotions. Emotional self-control enables you to have confidence in demonstrating your emotions appropriately, knowing when to say no and when to let it out. EI Competencies (Note: The italicized competencies complement this skill) Self-Awareness Emotional Self-Awareness Accurate Self-Assessment Self-Confidence Self-Management Emotional Self-Control Transparency Adaptability Achievement Initiative Optimism Social Awareness Empathy Organizational Awareness Service Relationship Management Inspirational Leadership Influence Developing Others Change Catalyst Conflict Management Building Bonds Teamwork and Collaboration To be successful with this program you need the following: Worksheets: Emotional Self-Control Reflection Guide CD player & quiet reflection music To be successful with this program you need to prepare in advance: You may choose to either have everyone complete the Reflection Guide while sitting in the same room, or you may give this out as an assignment to be completed before the next meeting. If you are going to do it all together, remind the members to bring pens and blank paper to this session. Facilitation Tip: Consider reading the content of this guide and then practice writing in a journal before leading the session. You can talk from first-hand knowledge how reflection has helped you. If none of the members have ever spent time in focused reflection before, you can offer yourself as an example! Estimated Length of Time for this Module: 30 minutes

2 Sigma Lambda Gamma Sorority EMOTIONAL SELF-CONTROL MODULE GUIDE Introduction 5 minutes Share the following quote: It is our emotions that release us from paralysis and motivate us to act. - Jeanne Segal, author of Raising Your Emotional Intelligence Emotional Self-Control focuses on your ability to know yourself well enough to monitor your feelings and impulses and control them. This does not mean you should repress what you feel. Emotional Self-Control calls on a skill set that is very personal. You need to become your own barometer, regulating what you feel and how you express those feelings. Nobody can tell you what to feel or think. Similarly, no one can tell you to hold back your feelings. You know, however, when someone has made a decision about sharing her feelings, and it may not have been the best decision. Explosions of anger or tears can cause people to respond in radically different ways. Conversely, if you share your anger or sadness in constructive ways, people tend to respond more constructively. We all know that we can t control what we feel. Emotions happen. We CAN control, however, what we do with these feelings do we share them? If we do, how do we share them? When is the right time to share them? And with whom? All of these questions are the types of questions we should ask ourselves as we hone our ability to control our emotions. One way to develop this skill set is to take time for reflection. An Introduction to Reflection 5 minutes In our busy lives, many of us are constantly on the go, hardly taking time to eat or chill out. Ask how many people take time to write in a journal. Ask for a few volunteers to share what they get out of keeping a journal. Ask for other examples of how people may spend time reflecting on their day. Some examples you might share are going for long walks, exercising, blogging, or talking with someone else. These are all meaningful ways to reflect. Writing in a journal is a very effective way to look back on experiences on your own. You can reflect in pairs and discuss your learning. You can do the same in small groups. You can also participate in group reflection with the entire chapter with one member leading and facilitating the conversation.

3 To make this a habit however, here are some general guidelines for reflection: 1. Set your own time and place. 2. Try to do it on a regular basis. 3. Think of it as "selfish" time time well spent on you. 4. Have a conversation with yourself or with others focused on learning. 5. Discover not only what you learned and felt. Examine your behaviors stemming from those emotions. Reflection Activity 15 minutes We will practice individual reflection today. Hand out the two-page Reflection Guide to everyone. Ask that everyone spend time quietly and individually thinking completing this Reflection Guide. Debriefing the Activity 5 minutes Let the chapter know you are going to model group reflection. Ask the following debriefing questions so they can share their insights with the entire group. What was it like thinking about this topic of emotional self-control? What examples can you share about what happens when you lose control of your emotions? What examples can you share about what happens when you control your emotions? What role does stress play in how your emotions affect your behaviors? Emotional Self-Control, just like Emotional Self-Awareness, is important in terms of how these skills help you understand your reactions to events. Knowing what your triggers are can help you better regulate what you do in those situations. We become more successful when we effectively share our emotions, both those that are positive and those that aren t. Developing self-control is like strengthening a muscle through training and fitness, we become more adept and proficient, less likely to lose control, and more likely to know that we ve effectively demonstrated what we re feeling. When this happens, we build our self-confidence, enhance relationships, and work more effectively with others. Unless otherwise attributed, all material is written and edited by Karyn Nishimura Sneath (Npower) and Marcy Levy Shankman (MLS Consulting). Copyright shared with Sigma Lambda Gamma Sorority. All Rights reserved. You may reprint material from this document in other electronic or print publications provided the above copyright notice. Original artwork by JT Williams.

4 Emotional Self-Control Reflection Guide This guide will help you better identify what emotional self-control means to you. As you respond to these questions, do so honestly. The more honest you are with yourself, the more clarity you ll find in discovering what it means to regulate your emotions. Once you do this, you can better impact the decisions you make and how you behave. 1. Draw a picture below for what happens when you lose your cool when you have been at your worst in terms of your emotions. Think of a time when you exploded in anger, broke down in tears, or shouted for joy inappropriately. Describe what you felt and did. Be literal or metaphorical you can draw a picture of you, how you expressed your emotions, and where you felt it all happening; or you can draw a volcano, simmering pot, or some other image that describes this experience for you. 2. Draw a picture below for what happens when you are at your best when your emotions are totally in synch and you were sharing them in all the best ways. Describe what you felt and did. Just as you did before, be literal or metaphorical.

5 Emotional Self-Control Reflection Guide (Part 2) 3. Below is a set of statements for you to complete. When we think about controlling our emotions, we have to become aware of what our triggers are. These are the things that happen or are said that cause us to react emotionally. When we develop our understanding of what our triggers are, then we can interrupt inappropriate impulses and make better decisions about how we respond. Trigger When someone gives me a compliment, Response When someone yells at me, When I see/hear something that is really sad, When I feel like I have made a bad mistake, When I have been successful, When I m really frustrated and nothing works, Take control of your state of mind by maintaining your composure, even when the going gets tough; handling stress effectively, and remembering that you are in charge of what you CHOOSE to do with the emotions you re feeling. The ultimate act of personal responsibility may be in taking control of our own state of mind. Daniel Goleman

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