5 Critical Steps for Controlling Your Anger

Transcription

1 5 Critical Steps for Controlling Your Anger By Kathy Scheg, JD, MS, LCPC, LPC, CCEP of Core Transformation Counseling Copyright 2015 Core Transformation Counseling. All Rights Reserved.

2 2 Anger is a normal human emotion. It is a biological response to an actual or perceived threat to your safety or well-being. Letting you know of danger, anger serves a positive function in your life. Problems with anger arise, however, when you either stuff your anger or explode and the anger starts to negatively impact the rest of your life. Uncontrolled Anger can lead to broken relationships, job loss, illness, injury and even violence. Your wife or partner may be threatening you with break up or divorce. You see the fear in your children s eyes when you explode with anger. Your boss is threatening to terminate you. If you are reading this, you know YOU or someone your care about needs help! First, Congratulations on taking this very difficult first step. This demonstrates a willingness to change which is something to be proud of. Now, as you continue reading YOU WILL BE on your way to transforming your anger and getting that peace of mind and body you deserve for yourself and those around you! Getting Started with the 5 Critical Steps for Controlling Your Anger The 5 Steps are from The Releasing and Transforming Anger (RTA) program that has helped people transform their anger and given them life long tools to change their lives! "Realizing it was my reactions and not the other person gave me back control over my life."-rta Program Graduate These steps are designed for you to be empowered quickly with awareness and coping skills to help control your anger. However, they may not address the core of why you are angry. Therefore, we highly recommend the RTA Group Program and individual RTA Counseling so that you can address the core of why you are angry and we can help you eliminate the root causes.

3 3 Your Five Step RTA System: Trigger Awareness Pause Choice Respond STEP 1: IDENTIFY YOUR TRIGGERS A first step to controlling your anger is knowing what angers you. What triggers you may not trigger another person. Get specific. Vague, general statements like my wife/husband makes me angry leave you out-of-control and can further erode the relationship. Identify your specific triggers such as when the other person looks at their smartphone when you are trying to talk with them or your boss criticizes you. Stating the specific issue will leave you feeling more in control as the problem won t seem so big. Then you can evaluate how much of a problem it is for you and how confident you are in your present ability to deal with it. It will also help you communicate and solve the problem. "Learning practical ways to prevent my emotions from taking over me was very helpful. RTA Program Graduate STEP 2: REDIRECT YOUR FOCUS Take your focus off of the person or thing that is angering you. Repeating to yourself how horrible the person or situation is only fuels your anger making your situation worse. Instead, direct your awareness internally to what you can sense in your body. Is your jaw tight? Is your heart beating fast? Is your breathing fast and shallow? What else do you notice is happening in your body? Neuroscientists have shown that the simple act of shifting awareness to internal sensations can help people emotionally calm down.

4 4 STEP 3: PAUSE Learning to pause is key to managing your anger. Think of the pause button on your computer. It doesn t change anything; it just stops the flow of information momentarily. Discovering that you have an emotional pause button inside of you can change your life. People who have anger management problems often feel out-of-control. You believe your anger just happens. You probably think: It just happens or I can t control it; it just builds up and I explode. Your anger feels like a car going 0 to 60 in seconds. Recognizing that you have a choice and do have the internal power and authority to pause that process and control your anger is a critical step. It is just much more difficult for some people and requires determination, commitment, fortitude, persistence and the courage to change. Steven Covey in The 8 th Habit describes the internal process of control as the freedom to choose. Mr. Covey notes that: Between stimulus and response there is a space In that space lies our freedom to choose our response, In those choices lie our growth and happiness i When you discover the space or pause between your triggers and your angry reactions, you will have found the space in which you can transform your anger. You will have the freedom to choose to respond constructively rather than react. STEP 4: EMOTIONAL SELF-REGULATION Out-of-control anger often has its roots in a difficult or painful childhood. Growing up in a dysfunctional family frequently results in lack of emotional regulation which manifests in adulthood as problems with anger. Emotional dysregulation is an inability to adaptively manage or tolerate intense emotions such as anger. Once you are aware that there is a space or pause in which you can contain your angry reactivity, you need to discover what emotional regulation techniques work best for you. Creating safety is an essential step. If you are enraged while driving, you need to pull off the road until you calm yourself down. If your anger is out-of-control with another person, you may need to leave that room until you calm down. When you are in a safe place, one technique that works well is belly breathing. Put your hand on your stomach. Gently, breathe into your hand, expanding your belly when you inhale. Then pull your belly in when you exhale. Do not force the breathing. Inhale and exhale normally and easily into your hand. Repeat until you start to feel your body and mind relax. This is most effective lying down but can also be down sitting or standing.

5 5 STEP 5: CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE The Releasing and Transforming Anger (RTA) System for controlling anger goes beyond just helping you stop your reactive outbursts. It gives you techniques for responding constructively to your triggering situations. You can learn to respond from your higher self. Developing a daily prayer or meditation practice is one technique. Another is going for regular walks in nature. Instead of the angry abusive and attacking language, you can learn to communicate nonviolently. Additionally, you can physically release your emotions in a safe place. We understand this may be hard for you to do on your own which is why a support system is necessary to ensure your transformation. Choosing to seek professional counseling to get at the roots of your anger can be another very beneficial response. Managing or controlling your anger is like cutting down weeds at the surface. It does the job for now and is an essential step, but the weeds come back. Eliminating or at least diminishing the source of your anger through professional counseling came make the process of controlling your anger significantly easier. Simultaneously engaging in individual counseling while participating in the group RTA sessions ultimately saves time and money and brings lasting relief sooner. Start Living a Less Destructive Life Now with the RTA Program! Ø Feel normal and empowered rather than out-of-control Ø Restore love and intimacy in your relationship with your spouse Ø Replace the fear and sadness in your children s eyes when they see you with joy and excitement Ø End the cycle of job losses because of your anger and feel more confident in your professional and financial future Ø Learn what anger management techniques work best for you and leave with a written personal anger control and maintenance plan Call us at to discuss how we may best help you Control Your Anger! i Covey, S. R. (2004). The 8 th habit: From effectiveness to greatness. New York: Free Press.