The Sue Atkins Parenting Made Easy System ~TODDLERS~

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1 The Sue Atkins Parenting Made Easy System ~TODDLERS~ A simple and practical step by step system guaranteed to raise happy, confident, well behaved toddlers quickly and easily. Lesson 9 By Sue Atkins The Parenting Expert Parenting Made Easy Lesson: A simple and practical system for raising happy, confident, well behaved toddlers instantly.

2 2 Lesson 9 The Importance of Saying No to your Toddler Welcome to your next Parenting Made Easy ~ TODDLER lesson! I hope you are enjoying the Parenting Made Easy ~ TODDLER lessons and feel you are making steady progress do drop me an to let me know how you are getting on sue@thesueatkins.com as I love to receive your feedback and to hear your stories. This week you ll learn all about saying No to your toddler confidently as this really is a very important skill to develop in your toolkit towards bringing up happy, confident, well behaved toddlers and children who are a joy and pleasure to be around. Saying No In Chapter 8 of my best selling book Raising Happy Children for Dummies I explore in great depth the importance of saying No to your toddler and meaning it. No is such a simple word but so many parents find it difficult to incorporate it into their discipline strategies - it s about feeling confident in your own ability as a parent so then the ability to say no becomes a powerful behaviour shaping tool in your parenting toolkit! Parents often find it hard to say No to their kids and there are many reasons for this. One of the reasons is shortage of time. We all seem to be in such a hurry these days. It's so much easier to give in and buy whatever it is your child wants, rather than to spend time explaining why you won't buy it or spend time dealing with their sulks when they don't get it. But is that the message you want your child to grow up expecting?

3 3 Another reason is being afraid of causing a scene. I know it s easier, to wander around the supermarket with a happy and quiet child who is tucking into their sweets or crisps, rather than dragging a screaming child round while you attempt to do your shopping! But personally I think you can make looking for Postman Pat spaghetti hoops quite exciting, and getting your child involved in helping you look for the butter or helping you to weigh the grapes can be good practical experience and fun! It s how you approach it. Try making the whole experience a game and see how creative you can be - get your child to join in not whine - get them engaged. Another reason is all the resources available to us nowadays. When your child asks for a treat you may think "well it s only 80p so it won't break the bank and I know we do seem to have more disposable cash splashing about today, and many parents don t think twice about spending it all on their children, but is that a good message to be sending out to your children? What message are you giving if you continually 'give in'? You can have anything you want? My job is not to judge what you do but to get you to be clear about what you want and how you want to bring up your children Perhaps the approach of giving in to everything is easier in the short term but is it easier in the long term? Is it is creating a child who will have totally unrealistic expectations of you and the world - and will they will expect to get everything they want. Is that realistic or desirable? Is it creating a Paris Hilton? You can be sure that their requests will get bigger and more expensive as they become aware of all the goodies out there. It s sweets today, Nike trainers and Gucci purses next!! Tell me about it. I ve got a 16 year old daughter!!!!

4 4 While you may enjoy indulging your child's wishes, the world just isn't like that and your child may be in for a rude awakening when they encounter the many situations in the real world where they actually can't have what they want. I think it helps if you think of it as your job to preparing them for life with its ups and downs and disappointments. I just wonder if another message you are sending out is that "It really doesn't matter how you treat your things - you can always get more" Children who constantly get new toys and treats too easily learn not to value their things, because they know that they will always be replaced. They lose their sense of awe and wonder for new things if they are continually showered with gifts. It all comes too easily. So their expectations become inflated and they have no sense of gratitude or value for any of the gifts or treats they receive. I remember my own Mum getting cross with my kids at Christmas a few years ago, as they were so overwhelmed by the amount of presents they received from both sets of Grandparents that they became nonchalant and blasé and she felt they didn t appreciate what they had and just ripped the paper off, moving too quickly onto the next present. Perhaps the message your child receives is "I can't give you much time but I can give you lots of 'things. If this is the message your child is receiving don't be surprised if they don't place any value on these things or show any gratitude at getting all this stuff. 'Things' just cannot replace your time. If children do not get the attention and input from you, among other things, they do not develop a sense of their worth. They may feel they are not worth spending time with. So you might be showering your child with gifts, but actually their self esteem might be diminishing as their stack of toys piles up. Now there s a thought!!!

5 5 Let s look at treats and the message we sometimes send out with those. "If you get upset, don t worry we ll get you a little treat" The child who always receives a treat when they start to cry and shout or get hurt is learning a dangerous lesson. Other children and the outside world will not be as generous as you. So just ask yourself. How will your child cope as an adult in a world where they most definitely won't always get their way? It s all a balance between yes and no, and it takes practise if you are new to saying No and taking a harder line. So start practising saying no to requests for things like sweets, toys and treats from time to time so you keep them for special occasions when your child will value them much more. Initially it may be difficult as your toddler may have trouble believing that you really mean no, because in the past this wasn't the case. They will probably throw a wobbly, but remember the bigger picture to your parenting - the values you want to teach them and hold on - think about the consequences of giving in. Distract, explain, smile or move on to something else, but stand firm. <Remember> your child is learning that when you say no, you mean it and you are teaching them a valuable and important lesson for life. <The Parenting Expert Tip > Just step back and reflect on this each time you interact with your children and ask yourself:

6 6 Is this teaching my child something I believe to be important? and use your One Point Strategy (from Lesson 2) to keep you centred, grounded and easily in control. Have fun developing your confident No muscles! Until next week learn, laugh and enjoy the adventure,

7 7 Lesson 10: Talking and Listening Coming Up Next... In the next lesson we ll be covering some key techniques for talking and listening quick and simple communication tips for a happy family. Read this -> Additionally, all lessons have download links for all of the previous lessons in the sequence. So, if for whatever reason you completely misplace something, check the current lesson (located on the last page of the PDF) for links to anything you might have missed. Previous Lessons Lesson 1 Click Here to access. Lesson 2 Click Here to access. Lesson 3 Click Here to access. Lesson 4 Click Here to access. Lesson 5 Click Here to access. Lesson 6 Click Here to access. Lesson 7 Click Here to access. Lesson 8 Click Here to access.