1 Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois
2 Visit Tyndale s exciting Web site at TYNDALE and Tyndale s quill logo are registered trademarks of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Love Must Be Tough. Copyright 1983, 1996 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved. First printing by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. in Cover photo by Stephen Vosloo. Copyright 2007 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Previously published as Love Must Be Tough by Multnomah Publishers, Inc., under ISBN Multnomah is a trademark of Multnomah Publishers, Inc., and is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the Holy Bible, King James Version. Scripture quotations marked RSV are taken from the Holy Bible, Revised Standard Version, copyright 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America, and are used by permission. All rights reserved. The Library of Congress has cataloged the first edition as follows: Dobson, James C., Love must be tough / by James Dobson. p. cm. ISBN (pbk.) 1. Spouses Religious life. 2. Marriage Religious aspects Christianity. 3. Married people Conduct of life. I. Title. BV4596.M3D '44 dc ISBN-13: ISBN-10: X Printed in the United States of America
3 This book is dedicated to every person who has been rejected and wounded by a husband or wife on whom everything depended. I pray that these words will begin the healing process and provide a basis for genuine forgiveness to thrive. For only in forgiveness can peace be found.
4 CONTENTS Publisher s Preface Introduction With Love to the Victims Panic and Appeasement The Tender Trap Young Love, True Love Opening the Cage Door The Tougher Questions The Valley of the Shadow Three Women Who Tried It Questions and Answers Victims of Affairs: A Dialogue Discussion of the Dialogue Anatomy of Adultery Loving Toughness in Other Settings Angry Women and Passive Men Loving Toughness for Singles Components of a Good Marriage With More Love to the Victims Notes
5 PUBLISHER S PREFACE Everybody s talking about tough love these days. We seem to see or hear the term everywhere we go. It is used by investigative reporters, television news anchors, and soapbox orators, each pushing a particular agenda and a particular notion of what tough love is all about. But before the expression slides too quickly into the American vernacular, let us pause to remember that it was 1983, two decades ago, that Dr. James Dobson coined not only the term in his landmark book on marriage and parenthood, Love Must Be Tough, but also the concept that a mature love relationship is one that is built on mutual respect and genuine accountability. Few books ever written have received the accolades, tributes, and fan mail that have descended upon Love Must Be Tough. A perennial favorite, winner of the prestigious Gold Medallion Award of the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association, and with more than a decade on the bestsellers lists, this book is still saving marriages and changing lives. Thousands of men, women, and children have been touched by the sensitive insights and wise counsel contained within these pages, and many of them write to say so. 7
6 8 DR. JAMES DOBSON In a note to Dr. Dobson, one grateful reader wrote, Your principles are absolutely correct. I am living proof! Another said, My life will never be the same, while still another made the stirring comment that, your book saved my marriage, and my life. Letters like these have come to the offices of Focus on the Family from all over the world, expressing the heartfelt thanks of those who have gained a new outlook and a new context for their lives from this volume. Today Focus on the Family, the international ministry for families founded by Dr. Dobson, reaches more than 220 million listeners daily through radio broadcasts on more than 7,000 affiliates around the world. Through the efforts of a staff of nearly 1,300 men and women, Focus on the Family has grown to become a multimedia outreach, utilizing the traditional mediums of communications such as television, radio, and print publications, along with numerous emerging technologies, including Internet-based podcasts and various online products. At the heart of this classic work, and in all areas of the ministry of Focus on the Family, is a dynamic commitment to Jesus Christ and the truth of Scripture. A licensed psychologist and former professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California, Dr. Dobson has seen the stresses of modern life firsthand, and he brings years of experience to his analyses of the causes and cures of America s problems. He has served on national task force panels and commissions under three presidents, and his numerous books, film series, and daily radio broadcasts have helped to define the pro-family agenda in this country and to shape the debate over family values. It is with genuine pleasure that we introduce this edition of Love Must Be Tough, not only in celebration of its ongoing success, but in the knowledge that the counsel and wisdom contained in these pages, seasoned with love and the blessings of God, will save other marriages and other lives in years to come.
7 INTRODUCTION Sit down, Carol. I have to talk to you about something very serious. I know what I m going to say will come as a shock to you, but I can t withhold the truth any longer. You deserve to know that I ve been involved in an affair with a woman at the office for nearly eighteen months. Her name is Brenda and she is very attractive. It started as an innocent flirtation, but quickly progressed into something more much more. Now we are unable to pretend any longer. That s why I ve made an appointment with an attorney, and I plan to divorce you as quickly as possible. I m sorry! Honestly, I am. What more can I say? I never intended to hurt you. But I just don t love you any longer; and I do love Brenda very deeply. So, Carol, I m asking you to make it easy for both of us, and of course, for the kids. We ll all be better off as soon as this mess is settled. With those words, the world falls off its axis for an unsuspecting woman and the children who can t understand why she cries. Suddenly, everything stable in their lives has been shattered. 9
8 10 DR. JAMES DOBSON Rejection and insult are blended with pain and remorse. Self-esteem collapses like a grand old building scheduled for demolition. Security and confidence give way to fear and anxiety. The future loses its significance. But most disturbing of all, the woman who felt loved and respected a few hours before now feels utterly disdained and unlovable. How common this set of circumstances has become in the Western world, not only for the Carols and Jeannies and Patricias around us, but also for the Robs and Toms and Carls. Whether for reasons of infidelity or because of one of the other great marriage killers, many husbands and wives find themselves being dragged relentlessly toward an unwanted divorce. For some, the realization does not come as a startling announcement like the one that shattered Carol. Rather, they watch helplessly as their marriages wither over a period of years, being consumed by an insidious cancer that gnaws at the soul of the relationship. They turn this way and that, searching desperately for answers solutions remedies. Unfortunately and this is the critical point the advice they are given by friends and even counselors is often disastrous in its effect. The book you are about to read provides an alternative for those in the midst of family crises. My purpose in writing it has been to offer some practical tools some understandings which should be useful in drawing an apathetic husband or wife back in the direction of commitment. It may be surprising to learn that human conflict, if properly managed, can be the vehicle for transforming an unstable relationship into a vibrant, healthy marriage. On the other hand, the wrong response in moments of crisis can quickly smother the dying embers of love. I should acknowledge at the outset that some of the principles I will offer may be controversial within Christian circles. It is my belief that the advice traditionally offered to victims of infidelity and other violations of trust has often been unbiblical and destructive. But obviously, not everyone will agree. To those who draw differing conclusions, I can
9 LOVE MUST BE TOUGH 11 only ask for charity as we seek to resolve the most difficult family problems with our limited knowledge and insight. But that s enough for now. Let me offer one precaution before we proceed. If you are a husband or wife who is steadily losing the one you love if you sense a growing disrespect and disdain from the most important person in your world this book is intended for your eyes only. Do not ask your partner to read it with you. At least, you should review it first and then decide for yourself whether or not to reveal its message. It has been my experience that the principles of loving toughness are most effective when they are not discussed within the confines of a troubled marriage. I think you will soon understand why that is true. Thank you for permitting me to share some new concepts with you. I hope you will find them helpful, even if you do not have a family in crisis.
10 ONE WITH LOVE TO THE VICTIMS More than one hundred thousand letters and hundreds of telephone calls pour through our Focus on the Family offices each month, representing the full range of human circumstance and need. Every form of suffering and anguish, as well as many joys and triumphs, is shared with us in intimate detail from day to day. Included in that mail recently was a poignant letter from a man I ll call Roger.* His story moved me deeply. A few months ago, my wife, Norma, left to go to the grocery store in a nearby shopping center. She told our four children that she would be back in half an hour and warned them to behave themselves. That occurred on Saturday morning. Six hours later she had not returned, and I began a frantic search for her. I could imagine her being kidnapped or raped or even something worse. By Sunday morning I called the Detroit police, but they said they could not help until she had been gone forty-eight hours. The children and I were worried sick! * All the letters quoted in this book have been modified to protect the names and identities of the writers. 13
11 14 DR. JAMES DOBSON We requested prayer from our church and Christian friends, especially for Norma s safety. She had left no notes or messages with friends, and she didn t call. We did find her car behind the shopping center, locked and empty. The police theorized that she had run away, but I didn t agree. That just wasn t like the woman I had lived with for fourteen years the mother of my four children. We had been getting along quite well, actually, and had been planning to take a brief vacation over the Labor Day weekend. On Tuesday, I obtained the services of a well-known police detective and asked him to help us locate my wife or at least discover what had happened to her. Well, he began interviewing her friends and associates and the details unfolded. To my utter shock, it became clear that Norma had left of her own free will with a married man from her place of employment. I just couldn t believe it. Then about two weeks later, I got a Dear John letter, saying she didn t love me anymore that our marriage was finished. Just like that, it was over. She said she would be returning in a few months to fight for the children, and that they would be living with her in Kansas. Dr. Dobson, I tell you truthfully that I have always been a faithful father and husband. Even since my wife left, I have taken good care of the kids. I did the best I could to pull our lives together and keep going to try to make a decent home for these four bewildered youngsters. Nevertheless, the court ruled in my wife s favor last month, and now I am alone. I built our house a few years ago with my own hands, and now it is empty! All I have to show for the family I lost is a stack of Norma s bills and the memories that were born in these walls. My kids will be raised in an un-christian home, five hundred miles away, and I hardly have enough money to even visit them!
12 LOVE MUST BE TOUGH 15 My life is a shambles now. I have nothing but free time to think about the woman I love and the hurt and rejection I feel. It is an awful experience. Norma has destroyed me. I will never recover. I am lonely and depressed. I wake up in the night thinking about what might have been and what is. Only God can help me now! I wish this letter from Roger represented a rare tragedy that occurred only in the most unusual of circumstances. Unfortunately, variations on this theme are increasingly common today. Sexual intrigue has become a familiar pattern in today s marriages, not only outside the framework of the Christian church but within it as well. And, of course, the most vulnerable victims of family instability are the children who are too young to understand what has happened to their parents. That tragic impact on the next generation was graphically illustrated to me in a recent conversation with a sixth-grade teacher in an upper vulnerable victims The most middle-class California city. She was shocked to see the results of a creative writing task assigned of family to her students. They were asked to complete a instability are sentence that began with the words I wish. The teacher expected the boys and girls to express the children. wishes for bicycles, dogs, television sets, and trips to Hawaii. Instead, twenty of the thirty children made reference in their responses to their own disintegrating families. A few of their actual sentences were as follows: I wish my parents wouldn t fight and I wish my father would come back. I wish my mother didn t have a boyfriend. I wish I could get straight A s so my father would love me.
13 16 DR. JAMES DOBSON I wish I had one mom and one dad so the kids wouldn t make fun of me. I have three moms and three dads and they botch up my life. I wish I had an M1 rifle so I could shoot those who make fun of me. I know it s hardly front-page news to announce that the family is in trouble today, but it will always distress me to see little children like these struggling with such chaos at a time when simply growing up is a major undertaking. Millions of The marriage is their peers are caught in the same snare. beyond repair. Consider the plight of Roger s children in the letter I shared. First, they lost their mother, then But could it have watched their father immersed in grief and agony, been saved? and finally found themselves jerked from familiar surroundings and transplanted into another state with a new guy who wanted to be called Dad. They will never be the same! And why was this upheaval necessary? Because their mother cared more about her own happiness and welfare than she did about theirs. As a young woman, she had stood at an altar before God and man, solemnly promising to love and to cherish Roger for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, forsaking all others, till separated by the hand of death. Unfortunately, Norma changed her mind. It is apparent that the marriage between these former lovers is now beyond repair. But could it have been saved? Were there signs and symptoms that Roger failed to notice in the course of recent years? Would any advice by some profound Solomon of psy chology have prevented the ultimate tragedy? Before attempting to answer these important questions, let s consider another troubled family that has not yet passed the point of no return. Their difficulties are summarized in the following letter from a wife and mother whom I ll call Linda. Please give careful attention
14 LOVE MUST BE TOUGH 17 to this letter, for I will be referring to it throughout the remainder of this book. Dear Dr. Dobson: I have a problem and it has become a terrible burden to me. It is affecting me both physically and spiritually. I grew up in a good Christian home, but married a man who was not a Christian. Paul and I have had a rough time a lot of anger and fighting. He has refused to participate in the family as father of our three children leaving everything up to me. He likes to bowl and watch football games on TV and he sleeps all day Sunday. So things have always been rocky. But a much more serious problem arose a few years ago. Paul began to get interested in a beautiful divorcée who works as his bookkeeper. At first it seemed innocent, as he helped her in various ways. But I began to notice our relationship was deteriorating. He always wanted this other woman along whenever we went anywhere, and he spent more and more time at her house. He said they were doing accounting work but I didn t believe it. I began to nag and complain, and it just made him more determined to be with her. Gradually, they fell in love with each other, and I didn t know what to do about it. I bought a book about this time in which the author promised if I d obey my sinner husband, God wouldn t allow any wrong to happen so long as I was submissive. Well, in my panic, I thought I would lose him forever, and I agreed to let the other woman come into our bedroom with us. I thought it would make Paul love me more, but it just made him fall deeper in love with her. Now he is confused and doesn t know which one of us he wants. He doesn t want to lose me and says he still loves me and our three kids, but he can t give her up, either. I love Paul
15 18 DR. JAMES DOBSON so dearly and I have begged him to turn our problem over to the Lord. I love the other woman too and know she is also hurting, but she doesn t believe God will punish this sin. I have experienced terrible jealousy and pain, but I always put the needs of my husband and his friend above my own. But what do I do now? Please help me. I m on the bottom looking up. Linda Have you ever been presented with a problem of this nature by either friend or relative? If so, what counsel have you offered? Do you think Linda handled the crisis appropriately? Would you have permitted your husband or wife to bring another lover into your bedroom in a last-ditch attempt to save your crumbling marriage? Linda s motives seem clear enough. She knows that her husband just might leave her if she doesn t accommodate him in every way possible, and perhaps his escapade with the beautiful divorcée will blow over and be forgotten if she can avoid antagonizing him. And after all, doesn t the Bible say that Charity [love] suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked (1 Corinthians 13:4 5, KJV)? Love We must never also hopeth all things and endureth all things (v. 7). Isn t it reasonable, therefore, for Linda to hold underestimate the steady and obey [her] sinner husband in anticipation of a miracle? Would you have agreed with the power of sexual wisdom of this approach? Or would you have told chemistry. her to divorce the bum and get him out of her life? Is there a third alternative? Based on more than thirty years of experience in marriage counseling, I am of the opinion that Linda s tolerance and longsuffering will probably be fatal to her marriage, and that her advisor has misinterpreted the Bible. If she deliberately set out to destroy
16 LOVE MUST BE TOUGH 19 what was left of her relationship with her husband, she could not do much more than has already been done. Though I empathize with her and intend no disrespect in this context, Linda has already made several fundamental mistakes that have contributed mightily to the present disaster in her home. Linda s first error occurred in not recognizing the threat imposed by a beautiful divorcée. We must never underestimate the power of sexual chemistry existing between an attractive, needy, available woman and virtually any man on the face of the earth. In the case of Linda s husband, he suddenly found himself hopscotching between their two houses to provide whatever service the gorgeous-one might desire, while his wife concluded, It seemed innocent. Innocent indeed! That s like a farmer thinking the fox visited his henhouse because it enjoyed the company of chickens! Linda s second error occurred after observing that her marriage was going downhill. That was an extremely important moment in their relationship when an appropriate reaction from Linda might have pulled her playboy husband back from the precipice. But alas, she was ill prepared for the task. She nagged and complained. How inadequate but how human! Her husband was rapidly falling head over heels in love with the other woman, and Linda s only response was hand wringing and verbal abuse. That form of reproof is about as effective with a wayward spouse as it is with a disobedient toddler: he doesn t even hear it! The key word in the next phase of this story is panic. Linda could see the handwriting on the wall. It scrawled the frightening word divorce and moved on. How terrifying to one whose entire life is her family! She could visualize herself as the mother of three fatherless children, struggling to survive financially and emotionally in a lonely, broken home. Furthermore, she was losing the man she loved with all her being. And as panic is irrational, so was her reaction to it. She brought the other woman into her bedroom in a desperate attempt to occupy even a crowded corner of her husband s heart. What an
17 20 DR. JAMES DOBSON incredible error in judgment! She soon discovered the inevitable result: It just made him fall deeper in love with her. The best news I can give Linda is that it is still possible for her to save her marriage, but she hasn t a minute to waste. Her husband has admitted that a spark of love still glows under the smoldering ashes ( He doesn t want to lose me and She nagged and says that he still loves me and our three kids ), but she must not smother it! One more bad move and he complained. will be gone forever. He is in a state of confusion and How inadequate can be swayed one way or the other, but how can Linda tug him in her direction? She s tried everything but how human! in her own playbook and nothing has worked. What does she do now? If she is like so many others in today s world, she will be baffled by the question. The frequency with which I have been confronted by problems similar to the plight of Linda and Roger has led me to write the book you are reading. I m especially concerned about the person in an unsatisfying relationship whose mate could not seem to care less. Let me be more specific. In any apathetic or dying marriage, there is typically one partner who is relatively unconcerned about the distance between them, while the other is anxious or even panic-stricken over it. The detached spouse, whether husband or wife, may not realize how much danger the marriage is in or may not care. Therefore, that person resists any effort by his mate to entice him into counseling or compromises or even meaningful conversations to address their difficulties. We have no serious problems, he contends. The vulnerable partner, who could represent either sex but is more likely initially to be female, is aware that something precious is slipping away day by day. Everything of value is hanging in the balance, and she awakens in the midnight hours to contemplate the future. She thinks of the children those beautiful kids who slumber unknowingly in their bedrooms and wonders what will happen to
18 LOVE MUST BE TOUGH 21 them. She reaches for the affection and attention of her mate, and experiences depression when she doesn t get it. I m not implying, of course, that frail marriages can be blamed entirely on one spouse, and I m accusing neither men nor women. Marital conflict always involves an interaction between two imperfect human beings who share the responsibility to one degree or another. Nevertheless, there is usually one partner who would do anything to hold the home together and another who seems disinterested in the relationship. The book you hold is dedicated, therefore, to that vulnerable member of the family who can be thought of as a victim in extreme cases. This is the only text of which I am aware whose primary purpose is to help a distressed person strengthen or preserve his or her marriage, even in the absence of a willing spouse. What advice can be offered to a woman like Linda whose husband is entangled in an affair, or a man like Roger whose wife seems to disrespect and hate him, or a wife whose husband is an alcoholic or drug abuser or child molester? And what about the woman who loves her husband and is loved by him in return, but worries about the total absence of romantic excitement between them? Is there any way she can heat up their relationship without nagging her husband incessantly? Virtually every counseling program now in existence for such families is designed to bring together two people who can agree, at least, to discuss their problems. Or if therapy is offered for a single partner, it is directed at strengthening that individual to cope with the crisis and go it alone, if necessary. But our purpose here is unique: we want to help one spouse maximize the chances of preserving the marriage, as in Linda s case, and to survive till the long night is over. It s an ambitious undertaking. In the process of reaching out to the hurting members of the family, it is my desire to accomplish much more. The principles I will describe are not only relevant to husbands and wives in a time of crisis; they are applicable to healthier marriages, too. Indeed, I wish they
19 22 DR. JAMES DOBSON could be taught to every engaged or newlywed couple in the morning of their lives together. There would be fewer bitter divorces if young husbands and wives knew how to draw their drifting partners toward them, rather than relentlessly drive them away. But the concepts I will share have even broader applicability than the interaction between husbands and wives. As we will see, they are relevant to all human relationships, including employers and employees, parents and children, pastors and parishioners, businesspeople and laborers, guards and prisoners, Americans and Russians, and all the other categories of people who share an interface from time to time. In other words, I will be describing in subsequent chapters what I consider to be some universal concepts that cut across cultures, sexes, races, and economic circumstances. And unless I have missed the mark, they will hit somewhere near your neck of the woods in one context or another. Now isn t that just like an author to promise the moon to his readers? All writers have this tendency to overestimate the significance of their views. Books being published today offer everything from immeasurable wealth for men to instantly smooth thighs for women. Unfortunately, these authors rarely deliver on their promises; they remind me of Professor Miraculous in the Old West who sold his Elixir of Life from the back of his covered wagon and then left town fast. Hoping not to fall into the same cure-all trap, let me tell you candidly how I feel about the concepts you are about to read. Genuine insights into human behavior are not everyday occurrences at least not for me. Indeed, if one stumbles onto two or three fundamental principles in the course of a lifetime, he has done well. The pages that follow focus on one of my allotted few. I ve called the concept love must be tough. It won t smooth out your thighs or make you wealthy, but it should help you cope better with the people around you.
20 NOTES 1. She s Got to Be a Saint, words and music by Joe Paulini and Mike DiNapoli. Copyright 1970 Galleon Music Inc. Used by permission. 2. Written by Dolly Parton. Copyright 1976 Velvet Apple Music, 8 Music Square West, Nashville, TN All rights administered by Tree Pub. Co., Inc. International copyright secured. All rights reserved. Used by permission. 3. Jessie s Girl written by Rick Springfield. Copyright 1981 Vogue Music (c/o The Welk Music Group, Santa Monica, CA 90401). International copyright secured. All rights reserved. Used by permission. 4. It s One of the Mysteries of Life. Written by Tom T. Hall. Published by Hallnote Music. Copyright All rights reserved. Used by permission Muscle Shoals Sound Publishing Co., Inc. and Silver Dawn Music, Inc. Written by Phillip Jarrell and Peter Yarrow. All rights reserved. Used by permission. 6. Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House Publishers, 1982), Used by permission. 7. Vincent, M. O., The Physician s Own Well-Being, Annals Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada 1981, vol. 14, 4, John R. W. Stott, Christian Counter-Culture (Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press, 1978), Taken from the book Strike the Original Match by Charles R. Swindoll, copyright 1980 by Multnomah Press, Portland, Oregon Used by permission. 10. U.S. Census Bureau, Historical Income Tables-Families, Table F-10, 11. Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House Publishers, 1982), 452. Used by permission. 237
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BOOK 3, PART I, LESSON 4 A PRAYER IN THE GARDEN THE BIBLE: Luke 22:39-53, Mark 14:32-50 THEME: We remember that Jesus taught about love and showed love in everything he did. During Lent and Easter we remember
Devotion NT244 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Adulterous Woman THEME: Our response to forgiveness should be obedience. SCRIPTURE: John 8:1-12 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time
USVH Disease of the Week #1: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Effects of Traumatic Experiences A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet By: Eve B. Carlson, Ph.D. and Josef Ruzek, Ph.D. When people find
T h e G i f t o f t h e M a g i p T h e G i f t o f t h e M a g i ONE DOLLAR AND EIGHTY-SEVEN CENTS. That was all. She had put it aside, one cent and then another and then another, in her careful buying
Are you feeling... Tired, Sad, Angry, Irritable, Hopeless? I feel tired and achy all the time. I can t concentrate and my body just doesn t feel right. Ray B. I don t want to get out of bed in the morning
Dear Expectant Mother, We are Lisa and DJ and we ve been married for a very happy twelve years. Having a child is something that we have always dreamed of. Like most people, we assumed it would come naturally
Devotion NT249 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: Jesus Visits Mary and Martha THEME: Jesus wants us to spend time with \ Him. SCRIPTURE: Luke 10:38-42 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time
Adjusting to Spinal Cord Injury After a spinal cord injury, everyone copes differently with the journey toward psychological healing and adjustment. The topics below will explore common issues and concerns
Devotion NT255 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard THEME: God is more concerned with our heart s attitude than our service. SCRIPTURE: Matthew 20:1-16
BIBLE STUDY (Genesis 2:15-17; 3:1-18) What s This Passage All About? The book of Genesis is about beginnings the beginning of the world, the beginning of humankind, and the beginning of our relationship
1 Being Present Luke 1:39-55 Presbyterian pastor Mark Labberton tells the story of one his members named Doris. 1 A very active woman with silver-blond hair, Doris was in her eighties. Every Friday morning
Lesson 2: Principles of Evangelism Introduction In our last lesson, we discovered that our identity determines, more than anything else, the success of our mission work. Who we are is so much more important
STANDARD C - WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A PART OF THE PEOPLE OF GOD? Introduction Lesson 6: What Is a Christian Family? When God created Adam, He did not leave Adam by himself. God created Eve, and together
Devotion NT226 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: Rejection at Nazareth THEME: We need to come to Jesus with hearts of wonder and worship. SCRIPTURE: Mark 6:1-6 Dear Parents Welcome to
MINISTERING TO THE HEART OF YOUR WIFE Colossians 3:19- Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Ephesians 5: 25-33- Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself
ELIZABETH GEORGE ELIZABETH GEORGE Unless indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Verses
LINA AND HER NURSE. SUNDAY-SCHOOL UNI0 N, 200 MULBERRY-STREET, N. Y. LINA AND HER NURSE. SUNDAY-SCHOOL UNION, 200 MULBERRY-STREET, NEW YORK. LINA AND HER NURSE. L INA lived away in that land of the East
apter 1 1 Am I experiencing I didn t see myself as an abused woman. The only images I had came from television. I thought of abused women as weak, quiet and less educated women who were battered and bruised.
Connectedness and the Emotional Bank Account Directions This is a self-guided activity that can be completed by parents, teens or both. It contains five parts and should take about 45 minutes to complete.
Parenting Positively Coping with DEATH For children aged 6 to 12 This booklet will help you to understand more about death and the feelings we all have when someone we care about, like a parent, a brother
A Biblical Understanding of Marriage and Divorce Marriage Are you contemplating marriage? Are you wanting a better marriage? Are you recovering from a separation? The Bible has some important things to
(2) FEAR OF FEAR This lady was cautious. She decided she wouldn t let herself go in her drinking. And she would never, never take that morning drink! Ididn t think I was an alcoholic. I thought my problem
All Scripture quotations are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION NIV.. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Lesson 6 Duties of a Husband A happy young man hurried home to his parents to share with them the good news that his girl friend had promised to marry him. But the father, rather than responding as his
1 of 13 Walking in Wisdom - Proverbs 22 By Bruce Stewart Before we even begin to open up our bibles and walk in wisdom lets take a moment to pray. Ask God to reveal Himself in these scriptures, to help
! PAGE 1/5 PRAYER MINISTRY ON ALPHA by Mike Pilavachi When I first became a Christian I learnt that Jesus didn t just say wonderful things, he also demonstrated wonderful things: he taught the good news
Prayers Around The Advent Wreath That time of year is here again. Advent is the season when we should take time to think about the why of Christmas. It should be a time to look within our hearts to see
CHRISTIAN FOUNDATIONS LESSON 10 SHOWING GOD'S LOVE There seems to be more talk about love today than at any other time since men have been upon the earth. We hear it in music. We hear it over the radio.
Immigration and the Next America Most Reverend José H. Gomez Archbishop of Los Angeles Rotary Club of Los Angeles Los Angeles, California January 10, 2013 My friends, I am honored to be here with you this
No one is too young to have trouble with alcohol. Alcoholism is an illness that affects people of all ages, the rich, the poor, men and women. It doesn t matter how long, or how much you drink. When your
Page 1 Listen, Protect, and Connect PSYCHOLOGICAL FIRST AID FOR CHILDREN, PARENTS, AND OTHER CAREGIVERS AFTER NATURAL DISASTERS Helping you and your child in times of disaster. Page 2 As a parent or adult
Res i l i e n c e Four Steps to Healing After Heartbreak Van Moody Have you recently been through a great disappointment, suffered a major setback, faced a daunting situation, or endured a loss or a tragedy?
3 The 3 Biggest Mistakes Investors Make When It Comes To Selling Their Stocks and a simple three step solution to consistently outperform the market year after year after year. 2 Dear friend and fellow
OMEGA PART 1 You Will Literally Fall On Your Face and Cry Oh My God! www.kensingtonchurch.org/watch Before you start, let s have a little fun. Grab a few crayons and a couple pieces of paper. Got it? Now,
Devotion NT270 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Master Becomes a Servant THEME: Jesus wants us to serve one another. SCRIPTURE: John 13:1-17 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time for
LEADING A CHILD TO CHRIST LEADING A CHILD TO CHRIST Introduction: 1. 2. 3. Things to remember in leading a child to Christ: 1. Memorizing scripture. 2. Establish a key in your Bible. 3. Read from the Bible.
Devotion NT264 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Great Commandment THEME: Love is the fulfillment of the Law. SCRIPTURE: Mark 12:28-34 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time for Kids.
Praying Scripture For the word of God is living and active.... Hebrews 4:12, NIV The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16, NIV When you pray, do you ever wonder if you re doing
miracles of jesus Week 2: Jesus Calms the Sea This includes: 1. Leader Preparation 2. Lesson Guide 1. LEADER PREPARATION LESSON OVERVIEW In this week s study, we look at the power of Jesus. A journey across
[ ] [live] Copyright 1983, 2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved. World Service Office PO Box 9999 Van Nuys, CA 91409 USA TEL (818) 773-9999 FAX (818) 700-0700 WEB www.na.org
My Fresco Snapshots from Today 1. Elementary School 2. Middle School 3. High School Snapshots for Tomorrow 4. College 5. 20s & 30s 6. 40s & 50s 7. 60s I NEED WISDOM What advice would you offer to the following
The Marvelous Ministry of Jesus Matthew 4: 23-25 Our text today is dealing with the early ministry of Jesus. He had just come out of the wilderness after being tempted 40 days of Satan. He had begun to
Grief Is Like Your Shadow Back in June of 1995 is when grief and I locked horns. I remember it well. It came on me suddenly, with little warning and then draped over me like a black cloak on a man I no
Homily Suffering as a Way to Relationship With God J. Kevin Maney, Ph.D. In today s OT lesson, we are confronted with timeless questions: If God is really good and is really in charge, why does he permit
Pastor Spotlight Martha Fisher, CBC Women s Pastor Inspiration Martha Fisher, Women s Pastor at Community Bible Church, leads with a passion to reach, teach and help the women of our community for Jesus.
GETTING UNSTUCK WITH MY FAMILY Scripture Reading: various passages Unstuck: Moving Beyond Mediocrity Message Series: Part 2 Just a generation or two ago, the traditional family had a working father and
Grades 9 to 12 Personal Health Series KidsHealth.org/classroom Teacher s Guide This guide includes: Standards Related Links Discussion Questions Activities for Students Reproducible Materials Standards
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT DIVORCE AND RE-MARRIAGE? Man Is A Sinner The subject of divorce and re-marriage must begin with this one basic scriptural truth: man is sinful. Romans 3:10-12 As it is written,
Alabama Cooperative Extension System, Alabama A&M and Auburn Universities HE-0785 PRINCIPL E S OF Communicating WithYour Teen: trust Parenting involves allowing our children to have more responsibilities