Military Strong: Receiving with Grace

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1 Military Strong: Receiving with Grace Welcome & overview of today s call Thank-you to Partner Organizations Messages from: Dr. Leisa Easom, Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving Caregiver welcome Elizabeth Dole Foundation Fellow, Melissa Johnson Guest Speaker Dr. Barry Jacobs Online Q & A VA Caregiver Support Program Thank-you and next steps

2 Partners Atlas Research Caregiver Action Network Easter Seals Dixon Center Elizabeth Dole Foundation Family Caregiver Alliance National Alliance for Caregiving Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving USO

3 About the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving The Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving was established in 1987 at Georgia Southwestern State University (GSW) in Americus, Georgia. The Institute was formed in honor of Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter, an alumna of GSW, to enhance her long-standing commitments to human development, caregiving and mental health through its Advocacy, Service, Research and Education Programs

4 About the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving The Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving (RCI) establishes local, state, national, and international partnerships committed to building quality long-term, home and community-based services to support caregivers. RCI has spent over two decades working to accomplish this mission.

5 Melissa Johnson (South Dakota): Melissa Johnson and her husband, Sean, were married in 1995 and raised their three children in Aberdeen, SD. When they met, he was already a combat veteran who had served in Operation Desert Storm. It was his return to Iraq in 2006, though, when their lives changed forever. A mortar blast struck Sean and left with him a traumatic brain injury (TBI). Due to the blast, he s now legally blind and struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). When Sean returned home in 2007, the family struggled to adjust to this new man in their house. Melissa eventually left her teaching job to become a full-time caregiver to her husband. She is now a certified caregiver through the VA s Caregiver Program. Knowing the challenges military and veteran caregivers face, Melissa is an active volunteer with Family Of a Vet and serves as an advocate for our nation s heroes and their families. In October 2012 she joined the Elizabeth Dole Foundation as a Caregiver Fellow. She is honored to work alongside other caregivers from across the nation to raise awareness of the issues facing our nation s caregivers and families.

6 The Elizabeth Dole Foundation (202)

7 Military Strong: Receiving with Grace Barry J. Jacobs, Psy.D. Crozer-Keystone Family Medicine Residency Program Springfield, PA

8 Today s Talk One family s story Health effects of military caregiving Barriers to using military caregiver support services Receiving with grace Steps to receiving Creating communities of caring

9 One Family s Story 28 yo Ashley: employed, also caring for husband and 2 children Husband had 2 deployments; has physical and mental impairments No help

10 Health Effects of Military Service on Some Veterans Up to 1/3 of all OEF/OIF veterans have PTSD, depression, substance abuse Men: TBI, PTSD, use of alcohol and tobacco, physical disabilities Women will be 15% of all US veterans by 2020: PTSD, hypertension, depression

11 Health Effects on Caregivers 5.5 million military caregivers in US; 1.1 million OEF/OIF Can have poor relationship quality, particularly in instances when veteran has PTSD Rates of anxiety and depression twice rate of general population Depression correlates with time spent caregiving and coping with behavioral problems, role strain

12 Why No Help? Ashley is functioning adequately in her family and work roles but is certainly strained, if not clearly depressed Barriers to receiving help?: 4As: Awareness, Availability, Accessibility, Acceptability

13 Awareness Do I identify myself as a military caregiver or just a wife and mother? No one seeks caregiver services if they don t think of themselves in those terms

14 Availability Are caregiver support services readily available to me in my community? Depends on geography, Internet access Military communities obviously have more in vivo services

15 Accessibility Can I easily fit caregiver support services into my busy daily life or does it seem more of a hassle to set services up than it would if I just continue to do everything myself? Raises other questions e.g., can I get child care to attend a support group?

16 Acceptability Will receiving caregiver support services make me feel bad? Eaton s study of depressed military caregiving spouses: 70% sought help for depression 20% were too embarrassed 22% thought they would be seen as weak 20% thought it would negatively affect spouse s career

17 The Challenges of Receiving Help The vast majority of us would rather give than receive increases our self-esteem, maintains our sense of control We choose to make sacrifices to give care to loved ones for complex personal and spiritual reasons: I want to give back God has put this in my life-path I honor my vows

18 Challenges of Receiving (cont.) Receiving help with caregiving feels, to some: Tantamount to shirking their duties Showing weakness Admitting defeat Causes feelings of vulnerability, guilt, shame, fear of indebtedness, selfdiminishment

19 Challenges of Receiving (cont.) Deflects offers of assistance: We don t take handouts Our family takes care of it own Rejecting help is seen as courageous and empowering; accepting help is seen as weak and disempowering

20 The Caregiving Marathon How to run smartest, most strategic race? Learn uphills and downhills Take in sustenance Run with others Have cheering section

21 Receiving Means accepting help when offered and reaching out for help even when not offered (e.g., support groups, home health aides, financial help) A pragmatic choice putting water back in the well Ultimately empowers caregiver to sustain herself better

22 Receiving Receiving enables her to run her best race, fulfill the mission she s set out for herself Will also decrease the likelihood she ll become burnt out and depressed over time Conserves energy for childcare, work and other responsibilities

23 Receiving with Grace Involves not just receiving help but embracing it Requires attitude of gratitude Promotes giving in receiving Preserves the quality of relationship Alleviates feelings of being overburdened (caregiver) and being a burden (care receiver) Minimizes imbalances

24 Spiritual Traditions of Receiving with Grace Judeo-Christian: saying Grace before meals to acknowledge the love inherent in what we re receiving, thank God for our daily bread; also the air we breathe, the water we drink, etc. Story of Tibetan Buddhist monks begging for alms every day (despite fact they don t need food or money) to learn humility but also to give their community the chance to give

25 No, thanks, I don t need anything right now was like shutting a door in their faces --Alan Lewis, former Zen monk

26 Giving creates a relationship between the giver and receiver. Giving is a way people participate in our lives, a way people honor us. And when we say no, we deny them the opportunity to do so. Generosity, both in giving and receiving, opens the heart. --Rita Schiano, Huffington Post

27 Accepting all possible help from her husband, even from her children, will help preserve the balance of giveand-take that existed in her marriage/family in the past May reduce her tendency toward feeling alone May decrease his depression May improve their relationship

28 Steps to Receiving Set aside negative beliefs about reaching out for and accepting help Set aside pride and shame Be pragmatic find out about and use all available help to sustain yourself over the long haul Be gracious--give thanks Relish the help you receive and the people who give to you

29 Communities of Caring When likeminded military caregivers are giving and receiving together, no one feels ashamed or diminished All feel better supported, blessed

30 VA Caregiver Support Program (855)

31 Military Caregivers Webinar Series Stay tuned next webinar scheduled for November 13 th Handouts, recording, & transcript to be posted to Contact: with any questions Will keep you apprised of future webinars and new partner resources

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