ENGLISH-JOKES-2 BY - Vipul M Desai:

Size: px
Start display at page:

Download "ENGLISH-JOKES-2 BY - Vipul M Desai:"

Transcription

1 ENGLISH-JOKES-2 BY - Vipul M Desai: ONE REQUEST TO YOU: IF YOU LIKE MY COLLECTION, PLEASE APPRECIATE BY PUTTING YOUR COMMENT/BECOMING THE MEMBER OF MY BLOG SINDHI OBITUARY A Sindhi rings the Times of India office to place an Obituary for his dead grandfather. Sindhi: How much does it cost to print an Obituary in the Sunday edition of the Times of India? Help Desk (TOI): Sir, we charge Rupees 50 per word. Sindhi: (Thinking)... Hmmm... Wari likho ni... "DADA DEAD". Help Desk (TOI): Sir, you have to give a minimum of five words. Sindhi: (Thinking harder)... Hmmm... Wari sochne do...likho ni... "DADA DEAD, HONDA FOR SALE ". A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship." So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking Parrots, and the female parrots say, Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"

2 Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman... You have only 2 eyes but you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan???????????????? Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without brain.. Please tell them your age!!!!!! Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger? Son: I start cleaning toilet Dad: How does that satisfy you? Son: I clean it with your toothbrush. Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye? Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye. Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga, pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta hai. Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 maale se gir gaya tha Banta: toh fir bach gaya ya mar gaya? Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai. Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai...ghar ke sab khilone chhupa do Mom: tera dost chor hai kya? Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pehchan lega. Marriage problems Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...i told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems." The American said, "Talking about love Marriages...I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years."after a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems..gimme a break!!"

3 Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come. Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai? Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare... Why do Bride & Groom exchange "Varmaala" during wedding? To tell each other affectionately..sweetheart U R Dead Different Phases of a man: After engagement: Superman After Marriage: Gentleman After 10 years: Watchman After 20 years: Doberman There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it. Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'? Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir. When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake? Answer : On their Wedding!!

4 On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?" Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven. "Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer??? Performance Pressure :::: Poultry farm ke malik ne tammam Murgiyon ko Order diya "Agar tum logon ne kal se Do -- Do ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band " Murgiya dar gayi...sab ne do do ande diye. Magar ek ne sirf ek anda diya " Malik "tum ne 1 anda hi kyon diya "... Jawab mila.. "Sir ye aapke dar ki wajah se diya hai waise main to Murga hoon" A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door. On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister. "Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind." The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?" The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."

5 What's the opposite of "Dominoes"??? Tired of thinking??? Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know" Whats the opposite of "Pizza Hut" Okei don't kill me "Pizza Hutna mat" Whats the opposite of Go pala krishnan? Come pala krishnan. One day a man calls his wife from his IDEA mobile, his call gets cross connected to some other lady. They still keep on talking. They start liking each other. And finally they get married. What MORAL do u get??? An IDEA can change your wife. A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$250" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball glove." The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$750" Man - "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

6 Boy - "$1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again..." Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "my friend is dead! What can i do?" The operator says: "calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "Ok, now what?" An American gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a Indian. He immediately turns to the Indian and makes his move. "You know," says the American to the Indian, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The Indian, who had just opened his book, closes it slowly and says to the American guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the Indian. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The American guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the Indian, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?" Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'Goods delivered are not returnable.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'Contract void if seal is broken.' What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes? Stay out of BED for two days. Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai. Man : Hoga, zarur hoga; 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.

7 What's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE? In both case you feel "aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta" Ek admi sadhu se bola, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao. Sadhu bola, saale, upay hota to mai sadhu kyu banta? Man runs home shouting: Pack your bags darling. I just won the 10 Million lotto. Wife : Do I pack for the beach or mountains? Man : Who cares? Just pack and go back to your mother! I wrote your name on sand, it got washed. I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. I wrote your name on my heart, And I got a heart attack. God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi. He saw me in dark, he created light. He saw me without problems, he created YOU. IT IS NOT NICE TO MAKE FUN OF SENIOR CITIZENS - YOU MIGHT JUST HAPPEN TO BE ONE. Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.' An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 %. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

8 The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!' Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the Kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?' A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don' t know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!' A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'

9 Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.' Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai? jab koi ladki shadi se pahle pregnant ho, Aur uski maa bole "HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA?" Baboo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice Son : "I will choose my own bride!" Baboo: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter." Son : "Well, in that case...ok" Next Baboo approaches Bill Gates. Baboo: "I have a husband for your daughter. Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!" Baboo: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank. Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok" Finally Baboo goes to see the president of the World Bank. Baboo: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. " President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!" Baboo: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law. President: "Ah, in that case...ok" This is how business is done! This is from an actual trial in the UK: A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

10 She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing she had him arrested. Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'. I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick did the trick'. Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.' The case was dismissed......!!!!!!!! Heights of Communication Gap Mr. Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, Mrs.Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid. "Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?" "Yes... speaking" AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy. "What are you saying? It's in your files... HOW?????" "Yes... We have a system of finding out who's overdue" "GOD!!!!!!... This is too much..." "Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders... I have to inform you are overdue" "I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight.... he will speak to your company tomorrow " That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning. "What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? And if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a CANDLE."

11 Little Johnny's at it again... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!" Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?" Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom." Two men met while both were looking for their lost wives. 1st: How yours look like? 2nd: She is 5"7, , Fair, Black eyes. What about yours? 1st: Forget mine. Let s find yours!! Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend to death. Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

12 What is the definition of Mistress? Someone between the Mister and Mattress Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? "Without Information Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means, "With Idiot For Ever!!!" What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant. Teacher: you know the importance of period? Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away. Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are yours??? No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints. Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential! Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex. Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know. Mother Faints In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!! After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from? To this the boy said, "I come from Mexico. The place consists of only pro*titutes and football players!!!!! The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Mexico ". To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?"

13 Ram Lal asking Bahgwan: ''Bahgwanji,mujhey dard de, mujhey dukh de, meri raton ki neend barbad kar de, mere din ka chain taba kar de, mere peechey bhoot laga de''... so Bhagwan said to Ram Lal: ''abbey saley saaf saaf ek line main bolo- mujhey bibi chahiye!'' Rabri Devi Died and Went To Heaven As She Stood In Front Of Yamraj, She Saw A Huge Wall Of Clocks Behind. She Asked, "What Are All Those Clocks?" Yamraj Answered, "Those Are Lie clocks. Everyone on Earth Has a Lie clock. Every Time You Lie, The Hands On Your Clock Will Move." "Oh," Said Rabri, "Whose Clock Is That?" That's Gautam Buddha's. The Hands Have Never Moved Indicating That He Never Told A Lie. "And Whose Clock Is That?" That's Abraham Lincoln's Clock. The Hands Have Only Moved Twice, Telling Us That Abraham Only Told 2 Lies In His Entire Life." Rabri Asked, "Where's My Laloo s Clock?" Laloo s Clock Is In My Office", Replied Yamraj... "I'm Using It as a Ceiling Fan." What are the three fastest ways of communication? Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman. Duniya mein manchalo ki kami nahin hai. Ab suraj ko hi dekh lo- Aata hai Usha ke saath, Rehta hai Kiran ke saath, Aur jaata hai Sandhya ke saath! A mad dog is chasing a sardar. The sardar laughs while running. Know why? He says mera to Airtel hai phir bhi Hutch ka network follow kar raha hai.

14 A for apple. B for bada apple. C for chota apple. D for dusra apple. E for ek aur apple. F for fokat ka apple. G for gol apple. H for ho gaya na pet kharab khake itne apple. The positive thinking poem. Little birdy in the sky, You look up and it shits in your eye. You don't mind and you don't cry, You just thank God that cows don't fly. Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu? Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends. I am Sardar and this is sardarney, this is my kid and this is my kidney. Sardar 2 Salesman, I Need Pink curtains for my computer. Salesman Sardarji Computer Doesnt Need Curtains. Sardarji: Oye i have windows installed. What do u call a fat woman waiting? Moti-vaiting. Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!! Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!! What is the similarity between Mobile & Marriage? Thode Din Aur Ruk Jata To Thoda Acha Model Mil Jaata!!1 Why does Sardarji open his lunch box while walking on the road? To check if he is going to work or coming Back.

15 Saddam Hussain gets a chance to visit God. He asks him: 'God when shall I get my country back. God replies: 'Son, you will not see it in your lifetime.' Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying, is disappointed and walks away. Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God next and asks him: 'God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan?' God replies: 'Son, you will not see it in your lifetime.' Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts weeping and goes away. Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him: 'God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state.' Hearing this, God starts crying. Laloo is a little surprised and asks: 'God, why are you crying?' God replies: 'Son, I will not see that in MY lifetime.' I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that.. in case I need to fix it again?" Harold grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out... I D 1 0 T I used to like Harold. Well would neither be a tragedy and nor a great loss... President Bill Clinton is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes (4th grade). They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So our illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Clinton, "that would be an accident." A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Clinton searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Clinton, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic," exclaims Clinton, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

16 "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss." Gujju blood An Arab was admited in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood. The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars. Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner. The Arab replied "Bapu...now I have Gujju blood in my veins!" A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. 'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?' The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. 'Yes, I do' she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?' 'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?' 'I remember that too' she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... 'I would have been released today.'

17 A newly married husband saved his wife's mobile number on his mobile as "My life" After one year of marriage he changed the number to "My Wife" After 2 years of marriage he changed the number to "Home" After 5 years of marriage he changed the number to "Hitler" After 10 years of marriage he changed the number to "Wrong Number" Ind PM : We are sending INDIANs to moon next year! Obama : WOW! How many? PM : OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 10 Handicpd,5 Sports person, 4 minority and if possible, 1 ASTRONAUT Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah. Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave people leave the room. Kantibhai says to him, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try' Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays. Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room. Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language. Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says `kem chho' The other candidate answers 'ek dam majama' Bill Gates was amazed to see both potential candidates talking fluently, friendly. He decided to hire both of them. TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered North America? CLASS: Maria.

18 TEACHER: JOHN: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? You told me to do it without using tables. TEACHER: GLENN: TEACHER: GLENN: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' No, that's wrong Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. TEACHER: MILLIE: TEACHER: MILLIE: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' I is No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.' All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's... Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.

19 TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'

Fry Instant Word List

Fry Instant Word List First 100 Instant Words the had out than of by many first and words then water a but them been to not these called in what so who is all some oil you were her sit that we would now it when make find he

More information

Fry Instant Words High Frequency Words

Fry Instant Words High Frequency Words Fry Instant Words High Frequency Words The Fry list of 600 words are the most frequently used words for reading and writing. The words are listed in rank order. First Hundred Group 1 Group 2 Group 3 Group

More information

Superstars Building Fry List Fluency

Superstars Building Fry List Fluency Sight Word Superstars Building Fry List Fluency By Jennifer Bates http://finallyinfirst.blogspot.com/ How I use this program I developed this program because I noticed many of my students were still trying

More information

NO LONGER THE FIRST 2010 Josh Danz

NO LONGER THE FIRST 2010 Josh Danz NO LONGER THE FIRST 2010 Josh Danz Free performance of this play for high school and college level competitive forensics is permitted. All other rights reserved. The Intriguing Interp Series is published

More information

Fry Phrases Set 1. TeacherHelpForParents.com help for all areas of your child s education

Fry Phrases Set 1. TeacherHelpForParents.com help for all areas of your child s education Set 1 The people Write it down By the water Who will make it? You and I What will they do? He called me. We had their dog. What did they say? When would you go? No way A number of people One or two How

More information

Jesus and His disciples were traveling from one town to another. When

Jesus and His disciples were traveling from one town to another. When JESUS HEALS A BLIND MAN Mark 8:22-26 Jesus and His disciples were traveling from one town to another. When they came to the next town, some people brought a blind man to Jesus. They begged Jesus to heal

More information

BADMINTON. Written by. Simon K. Parker

BADMINTON. Written by. Simon K. Parker BADMINTON Written by Simon K. Parker Copyright 2013 This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author. simonkyleparker@hotmail.co.uk INT. S HOUSE - S BEDROOM

More information

Fry Instant Phrases. Give them to me. Then we will go.

Fry Instant Phrases. Give them to me. Then we will go. Fry Instant Phrases The words in these phrases come from Dr. Edward Fry s Instant Word List (High Frequency Words). According to Fry, the first 300 words in the list represent about 67% of all the words

More information

THEME: God wants us to walk as children of light.

THEME: God wants us to walk as children of light. Devotion NT330 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: Children of Light THEME: God wants us to walk as children of light. SCRIPTURE: Ephesians 5:1-18 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time for

More information

LESSON TITLE: Jesus Visits Mary and Martha THEME: Jesus wants us to spend time with \ Him. SCRIPTURE: Luke 10:38-42

LESSON TITLE: Jesus Visits Mary and Martha THEME: Jesus wants us to spend time with \ Him. SCRIPTURE: Luke 10:38-42 Devotion NT249 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: Jesus Visits Mary and Martha THEME: Jesus wants us to spend time with \ Him. SCRIPTURE: Luke 10:38-42 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time

More information

01 - The minister is dead. The minister is dead Did you see it on the TV Did you hear it on the radio And do you care what so ever

01 - The minister is dead. The minister is dead Did you see it on the TV Did you hear it on the radio And do you care what so ever 01 - The minister is dead The minister is dead Did you see it on the TV Did you hear it on the radio And do you care what so ever Did he attack our society Or did he just kill one person Did he just raise

More information

Fry s Sight Word Phrases

Fry s Sight Word Phrases The people Write it down By the water Who will make it? You and I What will they do? He called me. We had their dog. What did they say? When would you go? No way A number of people One or two How long

More information

LESSON TITLE: Anointing Jesus Feet. THEME: Jesus is worthy of all honor. life. SCRIPTURE: Luke 7:36-50 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF:

LESSON TITLE: Anointing Jesus Feet. THEME: Jesus is worthy of all honor. life. SCRIPTURE: Luke 7:36-50 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: Devotion NT231 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: Anointing Jesus Feet life. THEME: Jesus is worthy of all honor. SCRIPTURE: Luke 7:36-50 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time for Kids! Bible

More information

Chapter 1. Mum s new baby

Chapter 1. Mum s new baby Chapter 1 Mum s new baby I threw my school bag onto the floor in my room, changed into jeans and a T-shirt and then ran back down the hall. Mum called me. Jenna, I need you for a minute. I looked at my

More information

The Story of Ruby Bridges

The Story of Ruby Bridges The Story of Ruby Bridges Our Ruby taught us all a lot. She became someone who helped change our country. She was part of history, just like generals and presidents are part of history. They re leaders,

More information

By:Alec Cerra. The true story of Hansel and Gretel

By:Alec Cerra. The true story of Hansel and Gretel By:Alec Cerra The true story of Hansel and Gretel Once upon a time, There was a King (king William to be specific) and his beautiful Queen who lived in a small village in England, with their two children

More information

TEST DIAGNOSTYCZNY Z JĘZYKA ANGIELSKIEGO

TEST DIAGNOSTYCZNY Z JĘZYKA ANGIELSKIEGO 1. They are the United States. a) to b) for c) from d) with 3. is your favourite colour? a) How b) This c) Who d) What 5. This is my car. a) mother b) mothers c) mother is d) mother's 7. Are these shoes

More information

CD Our Own Way Lyrics

CD Our Own Way Lyrics CD Our Own Way Lyrics Beverly Granoff 2012 1. All The Things We See 2. Remember the Rules 3. You and Me 4. This Too Shall Pass 5. My Best Try 6. Our Own Way 7. A Little Help From You 8. My La La Melody

More information

Easter Everyday - Week 4

Easter Everyday - Week 4 Easter Everyday - Week 4 Day 1 - God Is Greater 1 John 3:19-24 (NLV) 19 This is how we know we are Christians. It will give our heart comfort for sure when we stand before Him. 20 Our heart may say that

More information

Most Common Words Transfer Card: List 1

Most Common Words Transfer Card: List 1 Most Common Words Transfer Card: List 1 the to a and in you that of it not for I is an Meg is in the bed. That is not for you. It is in a bag. I am not mad. Most Common Words Transfer Card: List 2 on with

More information

The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears

The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks. She went for a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, she came upon a house. She knocked and, when no one

More information

The Municipal Report By O Henry

The Municipal Report By O Henry The Municipal Report By O Henry It was raining as I got off the train in Nashville, Tennessee -- a slow, gray rain. I was tired so I went straight to my hotel. A big, heavy man was walking up and down

More information

My god, My Phone #1 10 Commandment Series COPYRIGHT 2005 TIM DAVIES

My god, My Phone #1 10 Commandment Series COPYRIGHT 2005 TIM DAVIES My god, My Phone #1 10 Commandment Series COPYRIGHT 2005 TIM DAVIES PUPPETS 1. RIPLEY 2. SANDY 3. BOBBY 4. MOM 5. DAD 6. GRANDMA 7. S.O.C.K. Puppets PROPS 1. PORTABLE STAGE 2. FULL STAGE 3. CELL PHONE

More information

Kayla Jo s Final Gift By Jackie Nornes, Ironton, MN

Kayla Jo s Final Gift By Jackie Nornes, Ironton, MN Kayla Jo s Final Gift By Jackie Nornes, Ironton, MN I believe that when most people give a gift, they do so freely and unconditionally. As we grow older, we understand that gifts can take many forms, but

More information

Student Sample #1: Interpretive Essay

Student Sample #1: Interpretive Essay Student Sample #1: Interpretive Essay We need role models because we need someone to look up to and talk to them so we could know what we want to do later in life. There are all types of people that you

More information

Can You Still Forgive Me? James E. Bogoniewski, Jr.

Can You Still Forgive Me? James E. Bogoniewski, Jr. Can You Still Forgive Me? By James E. Bogoniewski, Jr. Theme: This play conveys God s omnipresence. How He is able to know what we have done even though there isn t anyone else around to witness it. Then

More information

to happen Light one candle This first week of Advent, we begin to prepare our hearts and souls for Jesus by working on different things each day.

to happen Light one candle This first week of Advent, we begin to prepare our hearts and souls for Jesus by working on different things each day. Prayers Around The Advent Wreath That time of year is here again. Advent is the season when we should take time to think about the why of Christmas. It should be a time to look within our hearts to see

More information

Doonfoot Primary School. Helping your child with. Spelling at Home

Doonfoot Primary School. Helping your child with. Spelling at Home Doonfoot Primary School Helping your child with Spelling at Home Information for Parents Introduction Being able to spell words correctly is one of the most important writing skills that your child can

More information

Dating Vocabulary Lesson

Dating Vocabulary Lesson Hello and welcome to the vocabulary lesson for the conversation called Dating. Now this is a conversation Joe and I were having about some of our friends and the different dates that they have gone on.

More information

Rules from God The 10 Commandments Exodus 20:1-20; 24:3-4, 12-13

Rules from God The 10 Commandments Exodus 20:1-20; 24:3-4, 12-13 Fall 2015 ~ Beginners Lesson #5 Learning Objectives Rules from God The 10 Commandments Exodus 20:1-20; 24:3-4, 12-13 1. The children will retell the story of the Ten Commandments. 2. The children will

More information

THE FORGIVING FATHER

THE FORGIVING FATHER BOOK 1, PART 3, LESSON 4 THE FORGIVING FATHER THE BIBLE: Luke 15:11-32 THEME: We can discover what Jesus wants us to do and be by hearing the parables Jesus told. PREPARING FOR THE LESSON MAIN IDEA: Jesus

More information

Bloodstain on the Floor

Bloodstain on the Floor C HAPTER 1 Bloodstain on the Floor 3 You ll be sorry you bought the house, people told Mr Hiram B. Otis. Everyone knows that a ghost lives in it. Mr Otis was a rich American who had just bought a fine,

More information

One Day. Helen Naylor. ... Level 2. Series editor: Philip Prowse. Cambridge University Press 978-0-521-71422-8 - One Day.

One Day. Helen Naylor. ... Level 2. Series editor: Philip Prowse. Cambridge University Press 978-0-521-71422-8 - One Day. Cambridge English Readers... Level 2 Series editor: Philip Prowse One Day cambridge university press Cambridge, New York, Melbourne, Madrid, Cape Town, Singapore, São Paulo, Delhi Cambridge University

More information

The A, B, Cs of Career Exploration and Planning for Elementary Grade Students (Grades 3-5)

The A, B, Cs of Career Exploration and Planning for Elementary Grade Students (Grades 3-5) The A, B, Cs of Career Exploration and Planning for Elementary Grade Students (Grades 3-5) Developed by Junior Achievement (JA) & The National Career Development Association (NCDA) 2004 The Picnic Basket

More information

BBC LEARNING ENGLISH The Importance of Being Earnest 4: A visit from Ernest

BBC LEARNING ENGLISH The Importance of Being Earnest 4: A visit from Ernest BBC LEARNING ENGLISH The Importance of Being Earnest 4: A visit from Ernest NB: This is not a word-for-word transcript LANGUAGE FOCUS: Past perfect continuous secretly managed to find out the address of

More information

Using Positive Reinforcement to Increase Connectedness

Using Positive Reinforcement to Increase Connectedness Using Positive Reinforcement to Increase Connectedness Part 1 About Knee-Jerk Reactions Time Required: 3 minutes Relationships between parents and teens are full of emotions like laughter, joy, fear, anger,

More information

S OAPY MOVED RESTLESSLY ON HIS SEAT

S OAPY MOVED RESTLESSLY ON HIS SEAT T h e C o p a n d t h e A n t h e m p The Cop and the Anthem S OAPY MOVED RESTLESSLY ON HIS SEAT in Madison Square. There are certain signs to show that winter is coming. Birds begin to fly south. Women

More information

BIBLE LESSON # 18 1.

BIBLE LESSON # 18 1. BIBLE LESSON 1. Jacob was on a long journey going to his father's home. Jacob had his wives and children with him and he had many cows and donkeys and sheep and camels as well. Jacob's twin brother Esau,

More information

GRAMMAR 1: TENSE REVIEW

GRAMMAR 1: TENSE REVIEW University of the Aegean School of Sciences Department: SAFM Course: English Group: 3 Instructor: E. Landrou GRAMMAR 1: TENSE REVIEW A. Complete the following sentences with the correct form of the verbs

More information

THEME: Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to indwell and empower us.

THEME: Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to indwell and empower us. Devotion NT285 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Day of Pentecost THEME: Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to indwell and empower us. Dear Parents SCRIPTURE: Acts 2:1-41 Dear Parents, Welcome

More information

That spring, the sun shone every day. I was lonely at first in

That spring, the sun shone every day. I was lonely at first in 1 Tom and Daisy That spring, the sun shone every day. I was lonely at first in the East. But I felt that this was the real beginning of my life. I walked in the fresh air. I bought books. I worked hard.

More information

WILL WE BE MARRIED IN THE LIFE AFTER DEATH?

WILL WE BE MARRIED IN THE LIFE AFTER DEATH? Explanatory Notes: WILL WE BE MARRIED IN THE LIFE AFTER DEATH? Series title: Topic: Marriage in heaven / heaven as a marriage Table of Contents: Message 1: What is the Life after Death Like? p. 1 Message

More information

THEME: Jesus knows all about us and He loves us.

THEME: Jesus knows all about us and He loves us. Devotion NT224 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Woman at the Well THEME: Jesus knows all about us and He loves us. SCRIPTURE: John 4:1-42 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time for Kids!

More information

Gift of the Magi By O Henry

Gift of the Magi By O Henry Gift of the Magi By O Henry One dollar and eighty-seven cents. That was all. And sixty cents of it in the smallest pieces of money - pennies. Pennies saved one and two at a time by negotiating with the

More information

Romeo and Juliet. Stage 2. Young Adult Eli Readers A2 KET. William Shakespeare

Romeo and Juliet. Stage 2. Young Adult Eli Readers A2 KET. William Shakespeare Stage 2 Young Adult Eli Readers A2 KET William Shakespeare Romeo and Juliet Answers to pages 8 and 9 1 Irregular verbs. Find the past tense of the verbs in the wordsearch and complete the sentences. 1

More information

Run-on Sentences (See Rules for Writers )

Run-on Sentences (See Rules for Writers ) Run-on Sentences (See Rules for Writers 188-195) A run-on sentence is not just any long sentence. A run-on occurs when two complete sentences (independent clauses) are stuck together without the appropriate

More information

::\1ANUSCRIPTS BEFORE YOU LEAVE, LET ME ASK YOU WILLIAMS

::\1ANUSCRIPTS BEFORE YOU LEAVE, LET ME ASK YOU WILLIAMS ::\1ANUSCRIPTS BEFORE YOU LEAVE, LET ME ASK YOU... EDWARD 1. WILLIAMS "Maude, let's be sensible, now. You're just not glvmg me a chance. Why, some day in the future, some day when we're both old and grey,

More information

IN A SMALL PART OF THE CITY WEST OF

IN A SMALL PART OF THE CITY WEST OF p T h e L a s t L e a f IN A SMALL PART OF THE CITY WEST OF Washington Square, the streets have gone wild. They turn in different directions. They are broken into small pieces called places. One street

More information

ENGELSKA NIVÅTEST (1) Medel Sid 1(7)

ENGELSKA NIVÅTEST (1) Medel Sid 1(7) Medel Sid 1(7) Namn: Poäng: Nivå : Adress: Tel: Complete each sentence with one item from those given below. Use each item once only. Note: Each question has One mark. You must have all words in the correct

More information

CHRISTINE BURGMER. let's talk business. Just for fun

CHRISTINE BURGMER. let's talk business. Just for fun CHRISTINE BURGMER let's talk business Just for fun JUST FOR FUN English jokes to make you smile Doctor: How did you get that splinter in your finger? Patient: All I did was scratch my head. Child: How

More information

PUSD High Frequency Word List

PUSD High Frequency Word List PUSD High Frequency Word List For Reading and Spelling Grades K-5 High Frequency or instant words are important because: 1. You can t read a sentence or a paragraph without knowing at least the most common.

More information

DRAW SOME MORE TOYS FOR THEM TO PLAY WITH

DRAW SOME MORE TOYS FOR THEM TO PLAY WITH BIBLE LESSON 8 1. Genesis 16 Abraham and Sarah were very sad. They didn't have any children! No little boys to run and play with, no little girls to dance and pick flowers with. One day Abraham decided

More information

Mammon and the Archer

Mammon and the Archer O. H e n r y p Mammon and the Archer OLD ANTHONY ROCKWALL, WHO HAD MADE millions of dollars by making and selling Rockwall s soap, stood at a window of his large Fifth Avenue house. He was looking out

More information

Devotion NT267 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Second Coming. THEME: Jesus is coming again. SCRIPTURE: Matthew 24:27-31

Devotion NT267 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Second Coming. THEME: Jesus is coming again. SCRIPTURE: Matthew 24:27-31 Devotion NT267 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Second Coming THEME: Jesus is coming again. SCRIPTURE: Matthew 24:27-31 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time for Kids. Bible Time for

More information

THEME: God promises His Holy Spirit to help His children

THEME: God promises His Holy Spirit to help His children Devotion NT284 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Ascension THEME: God promises His Holy Spirit to help His children SCRIPTURE: Luke 22:44-53 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time for

More information

One Day On a Bus. A Rosa Parks Play

One Day On a Bus. A Rosa Parks Play Martin Luther King, Jr.: Tell all your friends NOT to ride the bus. They must walk or get a ride with someone. The bus company will lose a lot of money. That way, hopefully, we can force the bus lines

More information

Wonders 2nd Grade Sight Word Sticker Book Correlated to 2nd Grade CCSS McGraw-Hill High Frequency Words

Wonders 2nd Grade Sight Word Sticker Book Correlated to 2nd Grade CCSS McGraw-Hill High Frequency Words Wonders 2nd Grade Sight Word Sticker Book Correlated to 2nd Grade CCSS McGraw-Hill High Frequency Words Copyright Glyph Girls All rights reserved by author. Permission to copy for one classroom only. Electronic

More information

3 Fatal Mistakes That Push a Man Out of Love

3 Fatal Mistakes That Push a Man Out of Love 3 Fatal Mistakes That Push a Man Out of Love www.unforgettablewoman.net 1 By Alexandra Fox Copyright 2008 2009 Unforgettable Woman Publishing All Rights Reserved www.unforgettablewoman.net 2 Disclaimer

More information

Because of Winn-Dixie

Because of Winn-Dixie Because of Winn-Dixie By Kate DiCamillo Adapted Text The adapted text can be found at http://coedpages.uncc.edu/access/adaptedbooks.htm. Book Adapted by General Curriculum Access Projects Research Staff

More information

The Past Perfect Tense

The Past Perfect Tense 1 The Past Perfect Tense When do you use the past perfect? Let s watch a video. Past Perfect We don't use the past perfect a lot in English. Actually it's really easy to make - just the past simple of

More information

Kidzone KG and 1st Grade Small Group. Sunday, Mar 8, 2015

Kidzone KG and 1st Grade Small Group. Sunday, Mar 8, 2015 Sunday, Mar 8, 2015 Kidzone KG and 1st Grade Small Group TEACHER BIBLE STUDY Parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus Luke 16:19-31 In Luke 16, Jesus taught His disciples about money. The Pharisees listened,

More information

Oh no. There's almost nothing left for us to eat in the pantry. What will we give Hansel and Gretel to eat?

Oh no. There's almost nothing left for us to eat in the pantry. What will we give Hansel and Gretel to eat? Cast s (Squirrel, Mouse, Bear, Bird, Rabbit) Tsukuba International School Presents and Scene 1 Home ( and are talking at home.) Oh no. There's almost nothing left for us to eat in the pantry. What will

More information

Fast Phrases. - Timed - PHRASES WITH FRY INSTANT WORDS

Fast Phrases. - Timed - PHRASES WITH FRY INSTANT WORDS Fast Phrases - Timed - PHRASES WITH FRY INSTANT WORDS Fry Instant Words are high-frequency words that occur in reading. By practicing reading these phrases containing these words, students can improve

More information

THE SCHOOL DANCE by Hal Ames

THE SCHOOL DANCE by Hal Ames THE SCHOOL DANCE by Hal Ames It was one of the most embarrassing times of my life. I was in the eighth grade at school. I did not have many friends because I was so shy, and I did not like a lot of attention.

More information

Dear Billy, Dear mother,

Dear Billy, Dear mother, Dear Billy, I am writing to let you know how much I am missing you. I have some good news. I am going to be an auntie. I am so excited about finding out what my sister is having. I am very proud of you,

More information

Proficiency Evaluation Test Intermediate to Advanced

Proficiency Evaluation Test Intermediate to Advanced Proficiency Evaluation Test Intermediate to Advanced Name I. Grammar / Vocabulary II. Reading Comprehension III. Writing Sample IV. Conversation / Interview Directions for the Tutor: Allow the participant

More information

ANNIE Why is it so dark in here? What's going on? Nick, what are you doing? The sun is shining outside.

ANNIE Why is it so dark in here? What's going on? Nick, what are you doing? The sun is shining outside. Episode 9 Narrative To be or not to be, that is the question. Whe..., oh no! Why is it so dark in here? What's going on? Nick, what are you doing? The sun is shining outside. Oh, hi, Annie. What are you

More information

*WHAT GOD KNOWS ABOUT YOU Part 1 Getting to Know God

*WHAT GOD KNOWS ABOUT YOU Part 1 Getting to Know God *WHAT GOD KNOWS ABOUT YOU Part 1 Getting to Know God *ILL When we have a distorted view of a situation or a person, it influences our actions and attitudes. There was a time when people believed the earth

More information

S: Can you tell me more about how HIV is passed on from one person to the other?

S: Can you tell me more about how HIV is passed on from one person to the other? Number 35 I: In this interview I will ask you to talk the AIDS. And I want you to know that you don't have to answer all my questions. If you feel uncomfortable with a question, just tell me, and I will

More information

LITTLE RED RIDING-HOOD

LITTLE RED RIDING-HOOD LITTLE RED RIDING-HOOD Little Red Riding-Hood Mother Bird Wolf CAST OF CHARACTERS SETTINGS Little Red Riding-Hood s Home The Wood Grandmother s House Mr. Miller Grandmother Wood Choppers Scene I. At Red

More information

LESSON TITLE: The Great Commandment. THEME: Love is the fulfillment of the Law. SCRIPTURE: Mark 12:28-34 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF:

LESSON TITLE: The Great Commandment. THEME: Love is the fulfillment of the Law. SCRIPTURE: Mark 12:28-34 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: Devotion NT264 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Great Commandment THEME: Love is the fulfillment of the Law. SCRIPTURE: Mark 12:28-34 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time for Kids.

More information

ONE DOLLAR AND EIGHTY-SEVEN CENTS.

ONE DOLLAR AND EIGHTY-SEVEN CENTS. T h e G i f t o f t h e M a g i p T h e G i f t o f t h e M a g i ONE DOLLAR AND EIGHTY-SEVEN CENTS. That was all. She had put it aside, one cent and then another and then another, in her careful buying

More information

THEME: Our response to forgiveness should be obedience.

THEME: Our response to forgiveness should be obedience. Devotion NT244 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Adulterous Woman THEME: Our response to forgiveness should be obedience. SCRIPTURE: John 8:1-12 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time

More information

JESUS CHASES MERCHANTS FROM THE TEMPLE John 2:13-25

JESUS CHASES MERCHANTS FROM THE TEMPLE John 2:13-25 JESUS CHASES MERCHANTS FROM THE TEMPLE John 2:13-25 During the yearly Passover holiday in Jerusalem, Jesus went to the Temple. But He was angry to see merchants selling cattle, sheep, and doves for offerings

More information

Introduction. The Intentional Living Center Team

Introduction. The Intentional Living Center Team Introduction Each day s devotion begins with a promise from God s Word, followed by a short story dealing with everyday life. We all need to take a break from the hustle and bustle of today s fast paced

More information

Getting Ready for Court

Getting Ready for Court Getting Ready for Court T A B L E O F C O NTENTS BEFORE COURT Why am I going to court?------------------------ 3 Who will be in court besides me?--------------5 What will court look like?------------------------

More information

Playing War. They moved to the shade under the willow tree while they decided what to do next.

Playing War. They moved to the shade under the willow tree while they decided what to do next. Playing War Too hot for basketball, Luke said. Let s do something else. They moved to the shade under the willow tree while they decided what to do next. Do you have any more water balloons? Danny asked.

More information

God Sends the Holy Spirit (Pentecost)

God Sends the Holy Spirit (Pentecost) God Sends the Holy Spirit (Pentecost) Teacher Pep Talk: It had been 10 days since Jesus ascended into Heaven. He had promised to send the Holy Spirit to be with His disciples forever. On Pentecost, when

More information

Parenting. Coping with DEATH. For children aged 6 to 12

Parenting. Coping with DEATH. For children aged 6 to 12 Parenting Positively Coping with DEATH For children aged 6 to 12 This booklet will help you to understand more about death and the feelings we all have when someone we care about, like a parent, a brother

More information

LINA AND HER NURSE. SUNDAY-SCHOOL UNI0 N, 200 MULBERRY-STREET, N. Y.

LINA AND HER NURSE. SUNDAY-SCHOOL UNI0 N, 200 MULBERRY-STREET, N. Y. LINA AND HER NURSE. SUNDAY-SCHOOL UNI0 N, 200 MULBERRY-STREET, N. Y. LINA AND HER NURSE. SUNDAY-SCHOOL UNION, 200 MULBERRY-STREET, NEW YORK. LINA AND HER NURSE. L INA lived away in that land of the East

More information

That's the Way I Like It

That's the Way I Like It That's the Way I Like It Written, designed and set up by: Pat Neuman Illustrated by: Margie Hildebrand A book project of: Pembina Valley Learning Centre Funded by: The National Literacy Secretariat 2005

More information

And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along "Perfect" by Simple Plan Hey dad look at me Think back and talk to me Did I grow up according to plan? And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all

More information

JESUS HEALS A MAN WITH LEPROSY mark 1:40-45

JESUS HEALS A MAN WITH LEPROSY mark 1:40-45 JESUS HEALS A MAN WITH LEPROSY mark 1:40-45 A man with leprosy knelt down in front of Jesus. He begged Jesus to heal him. People with leprosy had to stay away from other people. They could not live with

More information

How To Hear The Voice of God By Father Anthony Co. Hi, I m Father Anthony. today we re going to talk about how to hear the voice of god.

How To Hear The Voice of God By Father Anthony Co. Hi, I m Father Anthony. today we re going to talk about how to hear the voice of god. How To Hear The Voice of God By Father Anthony Co Hi, I m Father Anthony. today we re going to talk about how to hear the voice of god. Jesus, as we know, is the good shepherd. The good shepherd has a

More information

Scene 1 HANSEL: ENTER STAGE GRETEL: ENTER STAGE

Scene 1 HANSEL: ENTER STAGE GRETEL: ENTER STAGE HANSEL AND GRETEL Scene 1 HANSEL: ENTER STAGE GRETEL: ENTER STAGE Once upon a time in a tiny forest, there lived a poor woodcutter and his two children Hansel and Gretel. One day, when there was not enough

More information

THEME: We need to come to Jesus with hearts of wonder and worship.

THEME: We need to come to Jesus with hearts of wonder and worship. Devotion NT226 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: Rejection at Nazareth THEME: We need to come to Jesus with hearts of wonder and worship. SCRIPTURE: Mark 6:1-6 Dear Parents Welcome to

More information

CLASSROOM ENGLISH PHRASES

CLASSROOM ENGLISH PHRASES 1. Good morning CLASSROOM ENGLISH PHRASES 2. How are you? Good morning, everybody. Good afternoon, everybody. Hello, everyone. Hello there, James. 3. Introductions My name is Mr/Mrs/Ms Kim. I'm your new

More information

THE IMPORTANCE of BEING A MOUSE

THE IMPORTANCE of BEING A MOUSE THE IMPORTANCE of BEING A MOUSE THE IMPORTANCE of BEING A MOUSE It was a long ride home. Lucinda was playing the alphabet game with her mom. You know, "A is for Apple," "B is for Beans," and so on... After

More information

Parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus Lesson 4 February 21 & 22

Parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus Lesson 4 February 21 & 22 Parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus Lesson 4 February 21 & 22 Session Title: Parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus Bible Passage: Luke 16:19-31 Big Picture Question: What is heaven? Heaven is the place where

More information

Marriages Follow Weddings

Marriages Follow Weddings Marriages Follow Weddings Every little girl dreams of the day. The white dress. The flowers. The walk down the aisle. The happily-ever-after. As a teen she tests out her married name in the margins of

More information

Hello God? #3 - How to Screw Up Your Prayers. Matthew 6: Lifepath Church. October 25, 2015

Hello God? #3 - How to Screw Up Your Prayers. Matthew 6: Lifepath Church. October 25, 2015 1 Hello God? #3 - How to Screw Up Your Prayers Matthew 6: 9-13 Lifepath Church October 25, 2015 There are many startling promises about prayer in the Bible. Here is what we are told in 1 John 5: And we

More information

California Treasures High-Frequency Words Scope and Sequence K-3

California Treasures High-Frequency Words Scope and Sequence K-3 California Treasures High-Frequency Words Scope and Sequence K-3 Words were selected using the following established frequency lists: (1) Dolch 220 (2) Fry 100 (3) American Heritage Top 150 Words in English

More information

God Uses the Prayers of Children: George Mueller/Blanche

God Uses the Prayers of Children: George Mueller/Blanche God Uses the Prayers of Children: George Mueller/Blanche This is a fun story to tell and act out right before a family meal or class snack when everyone is already seated. You will need to gather some

More information

THEME: We need to come to Jesus with hearts of wonder and worship.

THEME: We need to come to Jesus with hearts of wonder and worship. Devotion NT226 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: Rejection at Nazareth THEME: We need to come to Jesus with hearts of wonder and worship. SCRIPTURE: Mark 6:1-6 Dear Parents Welcome to

More information

I was finishing to write a new article for my work when I received a call from my friend. She said that she had an idea for me to make a new article w

I was finishing to write a new article for my work when I received a call from my friend. She said that she had an idea for me to make a new article w I was finishing to write a new article for my work when I received a call from my friend. She said that she had an idea for me to make a new article which can make the first page of London's newspaper.

More information

My Coast Guard Adventure

My Coast Guard Adventure My Coast Guard Adventure by Chaplain Bryan Finch Illustrations: Mike Webb Editing: Patricia Valek, Sheila Shepard, Grace Jones, Tim Quiram Graphics: Tim Quiram 1 Dedicated to Michele Quiram, Mother of

More information

A Note to Parents. 1. As you study the list, vary the order of the words.

A Note to Parents. 1. As you study the list, vary the order of the words. A Note to Parents This Wordbook contains all the sight words we will be studying throughout the year plus some additional enrichment words. Your child should spend some time each week studying this Wordbook

More information

CHURCH PEOPLE ARE CALLED CHRISTIANS

CHURCH PEOPLE ARE CALLED CHRISTIANS BOOK 3, PART 2, LESSON 6 CHURCH PEOPLE ARE CALLED CHRISTIANS THE BIBLE: Acts 11:21-26; Acts 11:26b NRSV THEME: God gave Jesus followers the power to carry on the work Jesus had begun. They gathered together

More information

ENGELSKA NIVÅTEST (1) Avancerad Sid 1(4)

ENGELSKA NIVÅTEST (1) Avancerad Sid 1(4) Avancerad Sid 1(4) Namn:........................................ Poäng:........ Nivå :....... Complete each sentence with one item from those given below. Use each item once only. Example: John gets up

More information