Self-talk and the Unconscious Mind

Transcription

1 Self-talk and the Unconscious Mind The unconscious mind works hard to give us what we want. Problem is, that if we let our negative self-talk babble constantly our subconscious mind will work very hard to prove that little voice right. Part 1: What is the unconscious mind: (adapted from an article by Matthew James MA PhD) 1. It preserves the body: One of its main objectives is the survival of the physical body. It will fight anything that appears to be a threat to that survival. So if you want to change a behaviour more easily, show your unconscious how that behaviour is hurting your body. 2. Runs the body: The unconscious handles all of your basic physical functions (breathing, heart rate, immune system, etc.). Rather than telling the unconscious what perfect health looks like, try asking it what it knows and what you need for better health. 3. Is like a 7-year old child: Like a young child, the unconscious likes to serve, needs very clear directions, and takes your instructions very literally. So if you say, This job is a pain in the neck, your unconscious will figure out a way to make sure that your neck hurts at work! The unconscious is also very moral in the way a young child is moral, which means based on the morality taught and accepted by your parents or surroundings. So if you were taught that sex is nasty, your unconscious will still respond to that teaching even after your conscious mind has rejected it. 4. Communicates through emotion and symbols: To get your attention, the unconscious uses emotions. For example, if you suddenly feel afraid, your unconscious has detected (rightly or wrongly) that your survival is at risk. 5. Stores and organises memories: The unconscious decides where and how your memories are stored. It may hide certain memories (such as traumas) that have strong negative emotions until you are mature enough to process them consciously. When it senses that you are ready (whether you consciously think you are or not!), it will bring them up so you can deal with them. 6. Does not process negatives: The unconscious absorbs pictures rather than words. So if you say, I don t want to procrastinate, the unconscious generates a picture of you procrastinating. Switching that picture from the negative to the positive takes an extra step. Better to tell your unconscious, Let s get to work! 7. Makes associations and learns quickly: To protect you, the unconscious stays alert and tries to glean the lessons from each experience. For example, if you had a bad experience in school, your unconscious may choose to lump all of your learning experiences into the this is not going to be fun category. It will signal you with sweaty palms and anxiety whenever you attempt something new. But if you do well in sports, your unconscious will remember that sports equals success and you ll feel positive and energised whenever physical activity comes up.

2 8. Your unconscious mind is on your side: It wants to serve and protect you. Even when the objective result of what it does is harmful, it believes it s doing it for your own greater good. 9. Most of the time, your unconscious mind is in charge: We go through life mostly on autopilot. The conscious mind can look ahead to future consequences, plan, and make up rationalisations, but it s your unconscious mind that acts in the moment. (For more about this read Jonathan Haidt s book The Happiness Hypothesis: Putting Ancient Wisdom to the Test of Modern Science.) See endnote for a summary. 10. Your unconscious mind wants to do what you ask of it: If you don t give it any instructions, it will take its orders from orders from elsewhere advertising, peer pressure, parental programming. And, it will take the line of least resistance and do exactly what you ask of it and no more so be careful what you ask it to do. 11. Your unconscious mind works with feelings, images and metaphors, rather than logic, words and abstract concepts: The unconscious mind will only respond to abstract concepts when it has examples of those concepts to work with. 12. Learning: Your unconscious mind learns through intensity of emotion, and through repetition 13. Negation is a logical, conscious-mind concept. So when someone says Don t worry, the unconscious mind hears Worry. End of article by Matthew James. Part 2: The Power of Self-talk Achieving what we want, often means giving ourselves the right messages. By using positive self-talk, we re can begin re-programming parts of our unconscious thinking that may inadvertently be holding us back. Below are 10 common subconscious programs that many people experience along with ways to reprogram them. 1. Everyone is special in their own unique way If you were raised during the last twenty or so years, you possibly heard this mantra on a regular basis. It is a big change from statements heard by those raised in the 50s and 60s: you are not special, you are wrong, children are to be seen and not heard. These statements resulted in a generation where many still search for external validation, feeling that if the outside world doesn t offer a pat on the back, then we d better try harder. Even with the positive spin newer generations received around being special, many continue to interpret their place in the world around pleasing others, resulting in dissatisfaction around how to be in the world. Upgrade your subconscious program: I am worthy of love and prosperity. Once we truly believe we are worthy of love, we can love others abundantly.

3 2. If I had chosen a different path, I would be more successful now Every path has its fair share of achievers and non-achievers. You are on the right path for the reasons you took at the time. Hindsight does not always lead to foresight. Success is a subjective term often measured against external forces the truth is that success has more to do with our mindset and possibly dissatisfaction with ourselves than anything else. Upgrade your subconscious program: I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Enjoy where you are; celebrate the small steps. Appreciate yourself, release the past. 3. I can t do what I want right now. I have a responsibility to my children and family This is like placing your life on hold. Being who you can by doing what it takes means choosing to have what you want and then working towards it. Enabling a life-on-hold philosophy by placing responsibility and choice on opposite teams can lead to feelings of low self-worth and is not necessarily the appropriate role modelling for young people for whom you re aiming to raise as successful independent adults who can take their place as mature responsible people in the world. Upgrade your subconscious program: When I am happy, my children are happy and healthy. Children are sensitive to emotions and moods if you re not happy, they know. Consider placing the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting others. 4. I am going to change the world (by myself) While a wonderful intention, it isn t realistic. Think of anyone who has made an impact on our world Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and numerous scientists and entrepreneurs who turned their passion into their cause. All these people believed in their mission, yet received help from others to achieve their goals. The essence you re possibly aiming for with this thinking is to make a difference and connect to an inner meaning around the age-old question: did I matter? Upgrade your subconscious program: I am important. I am powerful. You don t need others to tell you that you are important and powerful. By believing in yourself allows others to believe in you as well. Share your vision and allow yourself to be connected to those who also thirst to make a difference. 5. I owe it to my family to be successful While thanking families for the support received is expressing gratitude, this thinking suggests that it s possible to repay an unpayable debt. A warm and heart-felt thank you may not seem enough; yet, it is. In addition, paying it forward by sharing the generosity of support and encouragement with others extends gratitude. Upgrade your subconscious program: I am thankful for people who love and support me. I seek forgiveness for any pain I have caused. Stop regretting for the past. Thank you and I m sorry are enough, when said wholeheartedly.

4 6. I sacrificed so much to get where I am! Resentment can be like a smouldering poison you are dining on it can also be your undoing. If you have resentment in one area of your life, it is most likely spilling into other areas of your life and disrupting relationships and/or your work. Upgrade your subconscious program: I have chosen a certain path to achieve my goals. With this, you are recognising your choice of actions and presenting a clean approach to those decisions that do not harbour blame or resentment. 7. Last time I went to lunch with friends, I said something really stupid. It was so awkward! I can t go back there. Guilt and embarrassment can feel like swallowing golf balls which don t move past our throat, reminding us of actions we d prefer not to remember. Cutting ourselves off from sources of joy, can keep us living small and ultimately give power to guilt, which if unchecked can expand to the size and weight of a piece of lead sitting on our chest. Upgrade your subconscious program: I am thankful for friends, I am thankful for forgiveness; I am thankful for myself. Forgive yourself, forgive anyone else involved and go out of your way to repair any damage done to relationships. 8. My subconscious self-talk is sabotaging me every time I want to do something new or try something different. I want to change it. There s a great saying, what you resist persists. The key here is what you choose to focus on. Focusing on negative self-talk reinforces its dominance. If you want to broaden your scope and reach out to new possibilities, tell your subconscious what you do want by placing your focus on your dreams. Upgrade your subconscious program: I appreciate how my subconscious mind aims to keep me safe. I m choosing to align it with my goals, not my fears. Thanking this validates that every part of yourself is doing the best possible with the resources available. Changing negative resources (eg self talk) to positive resources allows for better choices and decisions. 9. I am so fat/ugly/stupid/poor etc etc. I hate myself. I want to punish myself so as others feel sorry for me. Loving ourselves is a good thing to learn if we are to authentically love others. Being the best we can with the gifts and skills we have helps us move past blocks around our self-identity. When we perceive ourselves as valuable, others will as well. Upgrade your subconscious program: I love myself and wholeheartedly accept who I am. Focus on the amazing things you have achieved so far look for the simple things and build on these. It s about starting an inner dialogue with yourself and in doing so becoming your own best friend.

5 10. I can t do this This usually happens when you re in the midst of doing the thing you say you can t. Persevering past this point and taking baby steps one after the other is how to overcome this thinking. Remember, you only fail when you stop so never stop. Upgrade your subconscious program: I am doing it. And I am moving forward. Take a quick moment to notice all the progress you have made. Take three deep breaths and remember that you are doing it. Visualise the end goal and confidently bring it closer and closer to you. Endnote: The metaphor of riding elephants comes from Jonathan Haidt s book, The Happiness Hypothesis and and is a metaphor for teaching happiness and wellbeing. The key to successful riding is a harmonious relationship between the animal and its rider. To guide the elephant to where you want to go, you must not only know the destination, but also understand the aspects of elephant behaviour which may lead to your journey going wrong. It s also wise to trust that sometimes the elephant knows best and allow yourself to be guided by it. For Haidt, the elephant and its rider is a metaphor for being human. The rider, the small component trying to control everything represents the conscious thinking self. The elephant, the vast powerful set of resources, which the rider is attempting to control, represents everything else: all of the myriad unnoticed processes of the brain and all of the extraordinary events that take place in the body. Our minds are loose confederations of parts, but we identify with and pay too much attention to one part: conscious verbal thinking Because we can see only one little corner of the mind s vast operation, we are surprised when urges, wishes and temptations emerge, seemingly from nowhere We sometimes fall into the view that we are fighting with our unconscious, our id, or our animal self, but really we are the whole thing. We are the rider and we are the elephant. The Happiness Hypothesis: Putting Ancient Wisdom to the Test of Modern Science By Jonathan Haidt Many of us go through our whole lives with an antagonistic relationship between the rider and the elephant which can be the source of psychological and physiological problems.