REALLY ANGRY? Have you ever been BOILING MAD???

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1 Anger Management Training Trish Dean, M.Ed., LPC Licensed as Patricia A Dean, M.Ed., LPC, LPCC Licensed Professional Counselor ~ SC License # 2224 Clinical Mental Health Counselor in New Mexico ~ LPCC # Copyright 2013 by Trish Dean, M.Ed., LPC, LPCC All rights reserved. Affiliations Access Behavioral Health, LLC Private Clinic in Port Royal, SC ~ Beaufort Jasper Hampton Comprehensive Health Services, Inc. FQHC in Ridgeland, SC ~ Provide Anger Management Training in Two County Detention Centers ~ Beaufort and Jasper Counties ~ Licensed REALTOR in South Carolina Financial Relationships to Declare None No Conflicts of Interest Have you ever been REALLY ANGRY? BOILING MAD??? Goals for Training Session Develop an Understanding of Anger & Its Origin in the Individual Understand the Devastating Negative Effects of Anger Understand Anger Warning Signs and Triggers Identify Ways to Cool Down Identify Healthy Ways to Express Anger Know When to Seek Professional Help We have little to no control of situations that occur in our lives. But we do have control over these things: Our attitude/feelings Our thoughts Our behavior What we do What we say Where we go 1

2 Anger Management Basics Anger Management Basics Each individual is: Anger can either be: Destructive OR CONstructive (Productive) 1) Responsible for their own emotions. No one makes you feel anything. Your feelings are YOURS and it is important to own them. 2) Able to control their anger by understanding their thoughts about the event or situation, that seems to create and originate the anger. Anger Management Basics People frequently think that their anger is out of control or that they are out of control when they become angry, and that they can t do anything about it. WRONG!! This is an example of inaccurate thinking. Once you understand that your emotions do not control you, but that you control your emotions, you can be empowered to bring your anger under control. Anger is Controllable Everyone has the capacity to learn to control their anger by: Understanding where your anger comes from. What is the underlying source? Anger is Controllable Everyone has the capacity to learn to control their anger by: Understanding where your anger comes from. What is the underlying source? Developing the ability to identify and appropriately express anger. I statements are a very effective communication tool. Anger is Controllable Everyone has the capacity to learn to control their anger by: Understanding where your anger comes from. Identify and appropriately express anger using I statements. Developing the skill of thought control or thought modification to move anger to a different, more pleasant and productive emotion. Replace an inaccurate or inappropriate thought with an accurate, appropriate thought. 2

3 Anger is Controllable Everyone has the capacity to learn to control their anger by: Understanding where your anger comes from. Identify and appropriately express anger using I statements. Correcting inaccurate or inappropriate thoughts. Learning ways that will work for YOU to manage anger and stay calm. Seek help if necessary The way a child is raised has a lot to do with the way they deal with anger as an adult. The grown-ups who raised us taught us how to be angry. Perhaps they taught us well.. The way a child is raised has a lot to do with the way they deal with anger as an adult. The grown-ups who raised us taught us how to be angry. Perhaps they taught us well.. What were some ways your parents or guardians showed you how to be angry???? And, Perhaps they did not. What were some ways your parents or guardians showed you how to be angry? What were some messages you received growing up about anger and what to do with your anger???? 3

4 Turn the other cheek. Turn the other cheek. Don t get angry, get even. Turn the other cheek. Don t get angry, get even. Don t go to bed angry. Turn the other cheek. Don t get angry, get even. Don t go to bed angry. Other messages about anger growing up.???? Myths and Facts about Anger People listen to me and I get more respect when I am angry and act aggressively. 4

5 Myths vs Facts about Anger People listen to me and I get more respect when I am angry and act aggressively. FACT: This is how bullies think and behave. Bullies aren t respected but feared. Someone who is respected does not bully others but exercises control and handles opposing viewpoints diplomatically. Expressing yourself in aggressive ways results in others avoiding you and mistrusting you. Angry, aggressive people are not well liked. Your opinions are more likely to be heard when you treat people fairly and speak to them in an appropriate way. It s healthy to vent my anger and NOT hold it in. It s healthy to vent my anger and NOT hold it in. FACT: Ignoring anger, suppressing it or repressing it is not healthy and can result in built up anger over time. But, venting or expressing anger in an inappropriate can make tings worse. Anger is not like a tea kettle that once heated to boiling must release steam. And, in fact, rages, tirades and outbursts will only reinforce your problem with anger, making that worse as well. The key is to express anger APPROPRIATELY, to vent anger in a healthy way. I m SO angry; I just can t help it! Or I can t control my anger. It s just who I am! I m SO angry; I just can t help it! Or, I can t control my anger. It s just who I am! FACT: There are many situations we simply can t control and feelings result, but no one can make you feel a certain way. And, no one is born angry. We CAN control how we deal with the situation and how we express our anger. We ALWAYS have control over how we choose to express our anger. There is ALWAYS an option to deal with anger without being verbally or physically aggressive or abusive. Take control of feelings! The choice is yours. Anger management means holding in my anger or trying to ignore it. 5

6 Anger management means holding in my anger or trying to ignore it. FACT: Anger is a normal human emotion. It will come out one way or another. It s best to recognize anger, identify it s source and/or underlying feelings & needs and deal with it in a healthy, appropriate and constructive manner. Anger management provides tools and choices to help us learn to be effective at processing and expressing anger in an appropriate way. The goal is to incorporate healthy, constructive ways to express anger. * AWARENESS IS THE FIRST STEP TO CHANGE!! * Anger as a Cover Emotion Anger frequently covers other emotions such as: Sadness or grief anger over loss of something or someone Fear frequently men will use anger to compensate for fear Hurt feelings rather than feel the pain sometimes people lash out at others Anger as a Cover Emotion Importance of Controlling Anger Explore underlying emotions and triggers Clues that there s something more to your anger include: Difficulty compromising Difficulty expressing other emotions Differing viewpoints feel like a personal challenge Impairs health HBP, cholesterol, heart problems, diabetes, stress, decreases immune response, insomnia Impairs mental health depression, anxiety Impairs judgment Impairs or destroys careers/jobs/productivity Damages or destroys relationships/family Can have devastating legal consequences AWARENESS IS THE FIRST STEP TO CHANGE Anger Warning Signs Physical signs Physiological physical sensations of your anger Individualized Take notice of the changes in your body when anger begins to develop This awareness can help you stop the anger before it becomes a problem. Awareness is the first step to change! 6

7 Anger Warning Signs Negative thought patterns may include: Overgeneralizing Obsessing on should and musts Mind reading, assumptions & jumping to conclusions Letting small irritations mount up until the last straw Blaming Anger Warning Signs Identify the triggers to your anger, which may include: People Places Situations Avoid these triggers, if possible, until they no longer bring out your anger Ways to Cool Down Ways to Cool Down Tune into your body attend to those physical signs Walk away Relaxation breathing/deep Breathing/ Belly Breathing anger or anxiety AND relaxation can NOT co-exist in the body Exercise Use all senses (sight, hearing, smell, touch & taste) and be mindful of them to help you relax, i.e., music, visual imagery Visual Imagery, used properly, can trick the brain into believing the visual image and thereby produce relaxation in the body. Stretching exercises Massage the areas of the body that carry stress or tension Count to ten by thousands Examine the cost of being angry (often it s just not worth it) Reaction vs. Response Combine techniques to create a pathway to RESPOND instead of REACT. Walking away + Relaxation breathing + Counting to 10 by thousands = An additional 30 to 45 seconds to RESPOND instead of Reacting to the situation & your anger To think through to consequences in order to make a better decision about what to do with your anger & how you want to RESPOND. Healthy Expression of Anger Identify what it is that you are angry about. The best way to do this is to employ an I statement. I Statements or Feeling Statements 3 components Feeling Situation Thought or belief 7

8 I Statement I feel name the feeling I Statement - PRACTICE I feel name the feeling When describe the situation or event When describe the situation or event Because the thought or belief that results in the feeling Because the thought or belief that results in the feeling I Statement Remember: Feelings can be controlled by our thoughts. (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) We are not subject to our feelings. Get to the thought behind the feeling to evaluate if the thought can be corrected or changed so that the feeling can be altered to a more pleasing feeling. Communication lies with the hearer. Communication lies with the hearer. I Statements provide the most effective way to communicate what s going on inside of us. So we begin with the I statement. Communication lies with the hearer. Hearer provides a validation statement a statement of understanding sender may prompt this. 8

9 Communication lies with the hearer. Sender of message either accepts and agrees (Hearer got it!) or Sender clarifies Communication lies with the hearer. Clarification step: Sender of message clarifies by restating I statement (perhaps with new words) and asks for another validation statement from hearer. Repeat as necessary. Fighting Fairly Keep the relationship as the first priority Focus on the present Choose your battles Stick to the issue Forgive Let go Golden Nuggets Awareness is the first step to change. React vs. Respond think before acting. Begin with the end in mind. Communication is the key to healthy relationships. Communication lies with the hearer. Flexibility is the key to mental health! Don t let the sun go down on your anger. Ephesians 4:26 There is never any reason to be unkind. Contact Information Please use the contact information listed below to reach Trish about this program or other programs available for inspiring change and improvement among individuals, groups or staff. Thank you for your kind attention and attendance! Trish Dean, M.Ed., LPC, LPCC

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