Online Dating Survey (& What I found interesting) Brooke Heiland

Transcription

1 Online Dating Survey (& What I found interesting) Brooke Heiland

2 Online Dating Survey (Overview) Due to having a lot of experience in online dating, I decided to go out and make a survey to see what other people s experiences had been. I decided to put the survey into four main categories, which were: Background, General Online Dating Questions (About their age, if they had met them in person, how long they were together), Sexual and Gender aspects, and a bit more subjective and personal questions (What are the best parts of online dating, the worst, etc.) All Together I gathered 40 responses. 30 of them were from posting the link online on my facebook to my personal facebook, the MICA 2017 page, and the Free & For Sale Page. These were purely MICA students. 8 of them were from people I was friends with from home or knew personally/had dated in the past online. The last 2 were 2 random people that actually answered it on IMVU. I discovered that just randomly sending out the link in a chatroom was not the best way to get responses.

3 Online Dating Survey (Background) These are the questions that I asked people about their background of interacting online: At what age did you start using the computer? (With Parental Guidance?) When did you start using a computer without parental guidance? At what age did you get your first cell phone? At what age did you get your first smart phone? When did you start using social media? What was the first form of social media that you had? When was the first time that you interacted online with someone you did not know personally? What type of program or social media did this interaction take place on? At what age did you get a webcam? When did you start webcamming with people that you did not know? Through what social media did you start webcamming?

4 Online Dating Survey (Background Cont.) I thought it would be interesting to ask about what age people starting using the computer, or a smartphone, and what type of social media they first started using. At what age did you start using the computer? (With Parental Guidance?) The Age here varied a bit, from as young as 3 years old to 16. The most common age was 10, but 6 and 7 were close seconds. When did you start using a computer without parental guidance? This also varied a lot, but usually was considerably older by at least 3 years from when they started using a computer with supervision. There were very few that started using the computer without supervision at the same time as they started using a computer in general. (Which is a good thing in my opinion.) At what age did you get your first cell phone? This ranged from early teen, like 11 or 12, all the way to the age of 18. I think this more so depended on the age of the person filling out the survey, since the person who chose 18, I know is actually 29, so they did not grow up when cell phones were popular to have at a young age. At what age did you get your first smart phone? The youngest age was 13, and the oldest was 25, but again I think this more so depended on the age of the person filling out the survey. Most of the people filling it out though got it between When did you start using social media? The youngest was 11, and the oldest was 18. The ages overall were a bit younger than I expected in general. The most common ages were between

5 Online Dating Survey (Background Cont.) What was the first form of social media that you had? Myspace Slightly beats Facebook in this poll, but they are almost 50%-50%. This wasn t very surprising though since these are pretty much the starter social networks. When was the first time that you interacted online with someone you did not know personally? I was surprised by how young some of these answers were. I got a few that were as young as 7 to 9, which is younger than I was when I first started using IMVU to talk to people. The most common ages were actually What type of program or social media did this interaction take place on? The majority of the social media that people said were actually in the other category. They did not meet strangers off of the more popular websites, it was usually some random chat room, Deviantart, a forum, even things like Reddit and Neopets. At what age did you get a webcam? These answers got a bit older in age, and the most popular answer was 16. This is probably due to the fact that webcams did not start being a standard in laptops and computers until around then. When did you start webcamming with people that you did not know? There were actually a considerable amount of people, almost half, that had never webcammed with someone that they did not know in person. I expected there to be a lot more people who had done this. Most of the interactions took place through things like Omegle, Chat Roulette, and Skype.

6 Online Dating Survey (General) These are the questions that I asked people about their general interactions of dating people online: At what age did you start online dating? How many people have you dated online? Through what kind of internet media did you meet? If your romance was local, but you still met through an app or social media, what type of media was it? Have you ever used an online dating service/website? Have you ever used a dating app for your phone? Have you ever met the people that you dated online in person? If so, how many of them? If so, how often or for how long? If not, were there ever plans or intentions to meet up? When/if you met the person in real life, did they seem different at all? In what way? Did someone you dated online ever lie to you about an aspect of their identity? What was it? Did you find them with the intention of dating someone online? What was your main mode of communicating? How long did the relationship last, or is it ongoing? Have you dated people that you purely met in person? (Through a friend, school, job?) If so, was it before, or after having an online dating experience? Or perhaps both? How would you say online dating is different than dating in person? Besides the physical aspects?

7 Online Dating Survey (General Cont.) These questions were about the basics; how many people did you date online, did you ever meet them in person, how long did the relationship last, etc. At what age did you start online dating? These answers were actually considerably older than I thought they would be. Most of them were between There was no one listed that had dated as young as me, and the closest that I had gotten was a few people that said 13. How many people have you dated online? This answer of course really depends on the person. The most popular answers were of course between 1-3. There were a few people that said 10 or above, and the highest answer was 20+, but this included flings and onetime dates. Through what kind of internet media did you meet? The most common responses were OKCupid, Tumblr, IMVU, other dating websites, and Tinder. I was more so surprised by things like Tumblr, Reddit, Deviantart, and even things like GaiaOnline. Obviously people meet on dating websites and dating apps but it s interesting when people meet and connect romantically on things as simple as forums, just talking about common interests.

8 Online Dating Survey (General Cont.) Have you ever used an online dating service/website? Almost 75% of people that responded to the survey said that they had used an online dating website. Have you ever used a dating app for your phone? The percentages are a little off, but it seems as though there are more people who use phone dating apps, such as tinder, instead of using an online dating service. About 80-85% said that they have used a dating app before. Have you ever met the people that you dated online in person? Almost 90% of the people that responded to the survey said yes, they have met at least one person in real life that they had originally met through the internet. This was super surprising to me. I had expected there to be more people like me, where I did not meet the majority of the people that I had dated online. If so, how many of them? The most common answer here was 2-3, which, considering that most people who filled out the survey said they had only dated 1-3 people online, that is pretty good. If so, how often or for how long? This answer varied a lot depending on the seriousness of the relationship and the distance between people. Some people were able to see each other once a week, once a month, some people only saw each other once or 3 times.

9 Online Dating Survey (General Cont.) If not, were there ever plans or intentions to meet up? For the few people that did not get to meet their significant others in real life, most of them at least had plans to meet up, but just could not because of distance or financial reasons. When/if you met the person in real life, did they seem different at all? In what way? Surprisingly most people answered this question with no, which was a good thing in my opinion. The most common answer of people that did see a difference in them was either that they looked a little more or a little less attractive, or that their attitude/way that they carried themselves seemed to be different. Did someone you dated online ever lie to you about an aspect of their identity? What was it? Most people responded no, to this answer as well, but the most common answer for people who did get lied to was mostly about age. There were also a few people that got lied to about the person of interest being single, and one person was even married. Did you find them with the intention of dating someone online? This answer was about 50%-50%. It seems like there was a split amount of people that filled out the survey that intended to meet people online and hook up or use dating websites, and then the other half were people who coincidentally met people through forums or websites that they did not really expect to meet someone on. What was your main mode of communicating? The biggest answer out of all of the responses was text, that made up about 35%, this was followed by corresponding through social media, and then through webcamming.

10 Online Dating Survey (General Cont.) How long did the relationship last, or is it ongoing? The shortest answers ranged between one night stands and short flings, to relationships that lasted for as long as 4 years. This is one of the answers that really depends on the person s intentions. Have you dated people that you purely met in person? (Through a friend, school, job?) About 75% of people said that they had dated someone that they had purely met through in-person social interactions. This was a little surprising to me, since I m one of the 25% that have never done this. If so, was it before, or after having an online dating experience? Or perhaps both? The majority answer here was both, that they had dated someone in person both before and after online dating. I was surprised to see that actually, people had dated online more often after dating someone in person first. It was about 35% that said that they had dated online after they had dated someone in person. I figured that once people had the satisfaction of dating purely in person that they would not go through the lengths of dating online. How would you say online dating is different than dating in person? Besides the physical aspects? These answers got a little personal. There were a lot of varying opinions. Some people said that dating online is better because in a lot of cases, you can find out if you are compatible before even meeting up, and can tell if you have similar interests right off the bat, instead of going through a couple awkward first dates just to find out that you don t have anything in common. Others think that meeting in person is a lot more genuine and that the person can t really hide who they are if they are right in front of you.

11 Online Dating Survey (Sex & Gender) At what age did you become sexual with someone you met If you are Trans, Genderfluid, NonBinary, etc; Did you feel more online? comfortable expressing your gender online than in person? Would consider yourself to have had a sexual relationship If you are Trans, Genderfluid, NonBinary, etc; Was it easier to with your online partner? tell potential partners about your gender identity online than in Were you ever able to be physical with your partner in person? person? If you are Trans, Genderfluid, NonBinary, etc; Was it easier for If you were or were not able to, did this affect your you to find potential partners online rather than in person? relationship? Did you participate in online role-playing or sexting? Did you interact sexually for the first time (in general) in Did you participate in sending nude or provocative photos? person, or through the internet? Did you participate in using a webcam or things such as face time If you are Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian, Asexual, etc; did dating for sexual intentions? online help you to realize your sexuality? Did you participate in using voice recordings or phone sex? If you are Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian, Asexual, etc; Did you feel Out of the above options, which of these did you find yourself more comfortable expressing your sexuality online than in using the most? person? Out of the above options, which of these did you find yourself If you are Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian, Asexual, etc; Was it easier using the least? to tell potential partners about your sexuality online than Did being sexual online help you to discover anything about your in person? sexuality? About things you did or did not like? Such as Fetishes? If you are Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian, Asexual, etc; Was it easier Is there any type of difference between what you like sexually for you to find potential partners online rather than in online, and what you like sexually in person? person? Do you feel more comfortable with your body/expressing your If you are Trans, Genderfluid, NonBinary, etc; did the needs sexually online than in person, or vice versa? online community help you to realize your identity? Do you find that your sexual experiences online affect your

12 Online Dating Survey (Sex & Gender Cont.) I thought that it would be interesting to ask about the sexual aspects of online dating because personally, my online sexual experienced definitely influenced how I feel about my sexuality and even how I feel about sex in person. At what age did you become sexual with someone you met online? There were a few people that said that they had actually never been sexual with their online romances before, which was interesting to me. The majority of the answers were between the ages of The youngest age I saw was 14, which made me feel slightly better about being sexual online when I was 11, but 3 years is still a big deal at that developmental age. Would consider yourself to have had a sexual relationship with your online partner? About 80% of the answers to this were yes. I was surprised to see some people wondering how you could even be sexual purely online. I knew about sending nudes, sexting, etc when I was only 11, and these people had never experienced that with their online dating when they are in their 20s. Were you ever able to be physical with your partner in person? Most of the answers to this were yes, since most of the people who filled out the survey had gotten to meet their significant others in person.

13 Online Dating Survey (Sex & Gender Cont.) If you were or were not able to be physically romantic, did this affect your relationship? For the most part people s answers were that if they answered yes, that they could be physical with their partners, that this was positive. If they could not be physical with their partners, it was negative. There was one answer that I thought was interesting which was that even though they had been physical with their partner, they were long distance and could only see each other very seldom, so actually being physical almost made it harder because it made them long for the other person more. Did you interact sexually for the first time (in general) in person, or through the internet? This answer surprised me a bit, since it was about 60% in person and 40% through the internet. I was expecting there to be a much bigger difference, with in-person sexual experiences dominating. I m glad I m not part of some miniscule minority of people who had their first sexual experiences online. If you are Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian, Asexual, etc; did dating online help you to realize your sexuality? Out of the people who did identify this way, I was surprised to see that most people said no to this. Perhaps it was because they had already known before they started dating online. My experience with online dating actually helped me to discover what Bisexuality even was. Did you feel more comfortable expressing your sexuality online than in person? There were more people that agreed with this. About 80% said that they feel that they are more comfortable. Was it easier to tell potential partners about your sexuality online than in person? This was even higher, at 85%. Was it easier for you to find potential partners online rather than in person? This was also 85%.

14 Online Dating Survey (Sex & Gender Cont.) If you are Trans, Genderfluid, NonBinary, etc; did the online community help you to realize your identity? This was a little bit different than the sexualities. Here, about 60% said that the online community did help them discover their gender identities. Did you feel more comfortable expressing your gender online than in person? 100% of those who identify as a non-cisgendered person said that they felt more comfortable online. Was it easier to tell potential partners about your gender identity online than in person? Same as the above. Was it easier for you to find potential partners online rather than in person? This one was interesting. One of the people changed their answer to other. They said that yes it was easier to find potential partners, but that isn t exactly a good thing. Some people purposely seek out Trans or NonBinary people, and it can be unsafe, so they suggested looking through more localized groups of queer people. Did you participate in online role-playing or sexting? About 70% of those who filled out the survey said yes. This was surprisingly the most widely used one. Did you participate in sending nude or provocative photos? This one was a little lower, at about 60%. Did you participate in using a webcam or things such as face time for sexual intentions? Using a webcam was even lower, at about 50%. Did you participate in using voice recordings or phone sex? This was the lowest rate, at about 40%.

15 Online Dating Survey (Sex & Gender Cont.) Out of the above options, which of these did you find yourself using the most? As expected, the one that was most widely used by the most amount of people was also the one that was used the most individually, which was sexting or online role playing at 45%. Sending nude photos was second at 35%, and webcamming was third at 12%. Out of the above options, which of these did you find yourself using the least? Also going along with the other data, phone sex was the least likely to be used by people individually, being what 50% of people voted for. Webcamming was second, and sending nude photos was third. Did being sexual online help you to discover anything about your sexuality? About things you did or did not like? Such as Fetishes? This question was about 60% yes, and 40% no. I was actually surprised by the amount of people that said yes. I also identify with this, and learned so much about what I liked and what I did not like through the internet instead of experimenting in person. Is there any type of difference between what you like sexually online, and what you like sexually in person? This one was also about 65% yes to 35% no. This is interesting to me that people actually more often than not feel different about what they like sexually through a screen than with someone in person. Do you feel more comfortable with your body/expressing your needs sexually online than in person, or vice versa? Most people said that they were equally comfortable with both. I noticed that those who responded with not being comfortable in person, correlated to those who did not really date people In real life. Do you find that your sexual experiences online affect your attitude towards sex in person? This one was split almost 50%-50%. I think this one depends more so on if the experiences were good or bad?

16 Online Dating Survey (Personal) I also decided to ask people about what their specific opinions were on their online dating experiences; like what were the best parts, what were the worst parts, etc. Here are the questions: In your opinion, what is the best aspect of dating online? In your opinion, what is the worst aspect of dating online? In your opinion, what is the scariest aspect of dating online? In your opinion, did dating online help or hurt your confidence? In your opinion, do you feel as though it is easier to be yourself around someone that you have dated online, or in person? Do you feel as though it is easier to get to know someone online, or in person? Does the process of feeling close to them come more quickly with either option? Are you at all embarrassed about the dating interactions that you have had online? If so, why? If not, why? How would you describe your online relationship as a whole? (Between 2-5 sentences)

17 Online Dating Survey ( Personal Cont.) A lot of these questions really depend on the person and what their experiences were, so a lot of the answers varied widely, but I will try to give a little summary of what most of the answers had to say. In your opinion, what is the best aspect of dating online? Most people said that the best aspect of online dating was the fact that you got to fall in love with someone for their personality and interests instead of relying on physical looks. They also pointed out that online dating gives a person access to a wide variety of people that they could not have met otherwise, that could potentially be way better for them than someone that they met in person. Some people also pointed out that you get to stay in contact with them a lot more easily, and have an excuse to spend all day getting lost in conversations. In your opinion, what is the worst aspect of dating online? Most people just pointed out the obvious fact of not being able to be there physically as much as you would be able to with someone that you met in person. A lot of people also pointed out that it is potentially easier for them to lie to you this way or to only show selective parts of their personality. A few people also brought up the idea of getting ghosted, which means that it is easy for someone to just block you or ignore you and never talk again. In your opinion, what is the scariest aspect of dating online? The most common thing that was brought up was the potential of someone potentially being a rapist or wanting to cause them harm if they were to meet up in real life. They also brought up the concept of being catfished and potentially falling in love with someone who is not who they say that they are. Some people also expressed concern about potentially sharing personal information with strangers, and then using it against the person.

18 Online Dating Survey ( Personal Cont.) In your opinion, did dating online help or hurt your confidence? In most cases people said that it definitely helped their confidence more than hurt it. Most of the time when I saw that they were hurt by it, it was due to something not working out when they tried to meet the person in real life, or the person lied to them about something. Most people said that it actually gave them a confidence boost and gave them the courage to even date people in real life that they felt they could not do beforehand. In your opinion, do you feel as though it is easier to be yourself around someone that you have dated online, or in person? This one was pretty split, but actually most often people said that it was the same for both and it did not matter. Some people said that it was easier to be themselves online because if they are shy in person, the screen helps them to kind of put down their barrier that they would normally have up in person. For the people that said it is easier to be themselves in person, it's because they can interact with the person they are talking to in a more natural setting and find things to do or talk about more easily that way. Do you feel as though it is easier to get to know someone online, or in person? Does the process of feeling close to them come more quickly with either option? This was also split almost 50%-50%. A lot of people said that getting to know someone online becomes a lot more quickly because you have your guard down and you feel a lot more free to just let yourself talk about whatever you want to talk about. Also, they said that you can find people that you know that you have things in common with so finding something to talk about is easier. Other people said it is easier in person because online, people can hide who they are a lot easier than in person, and some people express themselves more with their body.

19 Online Dating Survey ( Personal Cont.) Are you at all embarrassed about the dating interactions that you have had online? If so, why? If not, why? Some people said that they were embarrassed, but for the most part people said that they weren t. For those who said that they were, it had a lot to do with the stigma around online dating. They felt as though they should be embarrassed because other people would make fun of them because online dating was desperate and because they could not get anyone to date them in person. Other people feel embarrassed about one relationship or another just because of personal reasons or how they used to portray themselves online. Some people aren t ashamed of it at all, and actually think that they have grown from the experiences a lot. Some are also very grateful that the experience happened because it ended up with an awesome relationship coming from it, even if it did not work out in the end. How would you describe your online relationship as a whole? Most people looked back on their relationships positively, even if they did not work out. They looked at it as a learning experience, and that in a lot of cases, it helped them to figure out parts of their identity. Some people looked at it as a stepping stone for when they would date someone in real life. They felt as though it helped them to get the courage to be themselves in person, and gave them confidence. Others felt as though it was kind of just a waste of time, especially if they had a particularly bad experience, with someone either lying to them or the person not being exactly who they had expected. Some people were a bit indifferent about it, and thought that it was pretty much the same to them as dating someone in person, just without some of the physical benefits.

20 Online Dating Survey (Conclusion) I found this survey to be incredibly helpful when it comes to making me understand more about how people feel about online dating. It also made be feel a bit better personally about some of my online dating experiences, being able to compare it to other people s. Even though I was still a little bit young when it came to how early I was exposed to online dating and being sexual with someone online, some people weren t too far behind me. It was also interesting to see that there were other people who had dated people across the country that they had never met in real life, especially if it happened while they were young, like it did with me. There was also one person that had a similar relationship with someone as I did with Riley the person who catfished me. They had a really strong friendship/bond that was almost like a relationship, but it still ended up helping them through a rough time and they don t regret coming in contact with that person. It also opened my eyes a little to the wide variety of experiences that people have had with online dating. There was one person who had said that they were living with someone that they had met online and they had been together for almost 4 years. Then there was also people who used online dating purely for the access to easy hook-ups, which is not really my thing, but it is interesting how the easy access to these types of things almost makes people more likely to do things like that. Overall it made me feel a lot less like an outcast because of my online dating experiences, and that was worth it.