Breaking down verbal abuse

Transcription

1 Breaking down verbal abuse

2 Psalms 38:8 I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.

3 Identifying Verbal Abuse Mind game: Like any human action, verbal abuse begins in the mind. It is a result from a world view that is clearly not biblical Proverbs 23:7 7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee.

4 Identifying Verbal Abuse Con t Verbal abuse is an act of violence. Psalms 11:5 The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth.

5 CHARACTERISTICS OF VERBAL ABUSE Hurtful Overt/covert Manipulative/controlling Insidious Unpredictable Not a side issue Expresses a double message Escalates

6 Think Pair share As a Christian how can you help someone who is dealing with verbal abuse? What scriptures would you use? How can you respond to someone who verbally abuses you?

7 James 3: 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

8 Categories Of verbal Abuse Withholding: Leave victim isolated Countering: Constantly correcting everything Discounting- Denies the realities and the experience of the parties. Jokes: Throwing off balance. Blocking and Directing: Establishes what can be discussed withholds information. Accusing and blaming: Directing the conversation and putting the other partner on defense

9 Gods healing Truth Jeremiah 17:14: Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.

10 Verbal Abuse- Healing Touch First know that God love you. Psalms 34:18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

11 God s s Healing Touch Second: Realize that you can be free from being a victim and agree with God that you can be free 2 Cor. 3:17 Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

12 God s s Healing Truth Put on your Christian armor Put on the Christian Armor Eph 6: Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 11 Put on the whole amour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13 Wherefore take unto you the whole amour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; 15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

13 Don t t Forget You need to have your undergarment on before your amour. Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

14 God s s Healing Truth Key Element: It is important to realize that confrontation is a biblical principle Matt: 18:15-20 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16 But if he will not hear h thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect n to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. 18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say unto you, That if i two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

15 Key Element con t The goal should be to break through his denial and lovingly restore him with a spirit of gentleness Gal 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

16 4/12/2012 Dissecting Verbal Abuse You may not know how to tell, but even worse, you may be thinking that you are the crazy one. Abusers work hard to distort our reality to make their reality feel safer. Are you being yelled at constantly? 1

17 4/12/2012 Do you feel voiceless? In relationships ask yourself this? Does the person repeatedly use hurtful words? Does he/she do it to satisfy their own emotional needs? Does he/she use the situation to lock you in so you have to tolerate it or make a huge sacrifice to get away? 2

18 4/12/2012 If so YOU are being verbally abused! Understanding Verbal abuse Verbal abuse is a behavior, not a disease. But verbal abuse, like all other kinds of abuse, is caused by an underlying disorder. 3

19 4/12/ most prevalent disorders underlying verbal abuse Borderline personality disorder Narcissistic personality disorder Anti-social personality disorder Borderline personality disorder Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships Impulse Recurrent suicidal behavior Emotional instability 4

20 4/12/2012 Borderline personality disorder cont Chronic feelings of emptiness Inappropriate, intense anger Transient stress- related paranoid thoughts Narcissistic personality disorder Grandiose sense of self importance Is exploitative of others Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love Believes only he/she is special and unique-only deals with other (special) people Requires excessive admiration Very strong sense of entitlement 5

21 4/12/2012 Anti-social personality disorder Failure to conform to social norms Lack of remorse Deceitfulness Impulsive Irritable and aggressiveness Reckless disregard Consistent irresponsibility Manifestations of Verbal Abuse Physical attacks Verbal attacks Sexual attacks Withholding things : affection, sex, money or contact with friends and family. 6

22 4/12/2012 What the bible says As followers we are encouraged to consider everything we say to one another, whether it stands the test of being for the benefit of the hearer- verbal abuse surely does not qualify. Col 4: 6 6 Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. Think Pair Share Think about at a time where you felt verbally abused. Also, think about a time when you verbally abused someone. How did you respond or react? 7

23 4/12/2012 What Is Abuse Use (something) to badly effect or for a bad purpose; misuse. Biblical Example: Samson and Delilah Judges16: 15-18: 15 And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth. 16 And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death; 17 That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother's womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man. 18 And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the lords of the Philistines, saying, Come up this once, for he hath shewed me all his heart. Then the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and brought money in their hand. KJV Biblical passages on verbal abuse Proverb 10:6 Blessings are upon the head of the just: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked. Proverbs 10:11 The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked. Matthew 5: Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: 22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. 8