THE SCIENCE OF BODY LANGUAGE AND THE ART OF DECIPHERING IT

Transcription

1 THE SCIENCE OF BODY LANGUAGE AND THE ART OF DECIPHERING IT Judy Bertrand, Metropolitan District Management September 23,

2 KNOW WHAT TO LOOK FOR Watch for changes in people s behavior and Intention Cues: Look for clusters of behaviors or a combination of actions to support your opinion. Often one behavior is not enough to tell you the meaning behind an action. Changes in seating position, posture, movement of arms, legs, facial expressions. Watch for behavior changes when another person or people enter the room or when someone in a group speaks. Seating positions at a table or in a room. People will turn toward the one with power. Feet and legs can convey a huge amount of information and are often overlooked. Become a competent observer of people. Pay attention to what someone is saying and what their body is doing. Be aware of Intention Cues: These are gestures or actions that tell you in advance what someone is going to do. The body will tell you where the mind wants to go. 2

3 THE HEAD TELLS Tells us the true state of mind SEE NO EVIL, SPEAK NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL 3

4 1. Covering your Entire Face: Bad news or terrible accident. This act shows people do not want to see or hear the news. 2. Covering your Mouth: (SPEAK NO EVIL) The person is subconsciously trying to suppress the deceit coming out of their mouth or they may be withholding information. This motion can be the complete hand covering the mouth or several fingers. The Shhh gesture that is often used by parents with a child. If not in this context, it could be a way to stop the speaker from telling you something. Likewise, if you are speaking with someone and notice them touching their mouth, this could indicate that they are questioning what YOU are saying. 4

5 3. Clenching your Teeth: (SPEAK NO EVIL) Clenching you teeth can be a sign of not wanting to speak deceitful words but is also a sign of anger and trying to keep from doing or saying something harmful. 4. Touching your Nose: (SPEAK NO EVIL) Actual itching of the nose is often relieved with deliberate rubbing or scratching; whereas touching your nose is normally a light gesture. Watch for touch or rubbing of the nose when a person is speaking as this may indicate lying. It is the Pinocchio Effect and has real biological reasons. However, this same phenomenon can occur when a person is nervous or angry. 5

6 5. Eye Blocking: (SEE NO EVIL) Covering your eyes, squinting or shielding your eyes have evolved to protect our brain from seeing undesirable images and to communicate our distain of others. 6. Rubbing your Eye: (SEE NO EVIL) Rubbing your eye indicates that you don t want to see something. At times you may even look away. You will see this when someone is being lied to or being told something they don t want to, or can t, see. Men often rub vigorously; while women may use gentle touching motions underneath their eye or simply look away. 7. Grabbing your Ear: (HEAR NO EVIL) When you grab or touch your ear you are basically trying to block out the words you are hearing. You may see tugging at the earlobe, rubbing the back of the ear, scratching or bending your ear. 6

7 8. Scratching your Neck: (TIED IN WITH HEAR NO EVIL) If you use your index finger to scratch the side of the neck near your earlobe it may indicate that you are unsure of something. This could indicate you doubt what you or the other person is saying, or may indicate you have doubt. 9. The Collar or Necktie Pull This is normally used by men, who wear tighter collars than women. The body causes a tingling sensation due to increased blood pressure when you lie or are frustrated; thus when lying you often want to pull the collar away to let cool air circulate. If you see this gesture, ask the person to repeat their comment or explain. 10. Fingers in your Mouth: This is a comfort gesture and the person is reverting back to childhood to feel secure when under pressure. Even fingers held up to the mouth can indicate an inner need for reassurance. 7

8 11. Pacifying and Comforting Behaviors: When stressed we may stroke our neck or face or play with our hair, arms or jewelry. Rubbing checks or lips from the inside with our tongues. Rubbing forehead indicates we are struggling with something. Exhaling with puffed out checks releases stress and pacifies. The self-administered body hug that consists of crossing their arms and rubbing hands against shoulders as if cold. NOTE: If someone has their arms crossed in front, leaning forward and giving you a defiant look, this is not pacifying behavior. 8

9 GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE Your body, especially your feet and legs, point to where you want to go Most people study someone from the face down. Instead try looking at their feet and legs first. 9

10 1. Happy Feet: Wiggle and bounce. High confidence tell. Indicates that the person is getting what they want or is in an advantageous position. Even if legs are hidden you can see the person s shirt and shoulders vibrating or moving up and down. However, be sure that the person isn t feeling impatient. If there is a shift from foot jiggling or bouncing to foot kicking, this is a subliminal way of combating something unpleasant. Foot Freeze: If there is a shift from jiggling or bouncing the feet to no movement at all, that may be a sign of stress or feeling threatened. 10

11 2. Position of Legs and/or Feet: We turn towards what we want or where we want to go. When you join 2 or more people talking, watch their movements as you make your appearance. If they move their feet and torso toward you, they are accepting you into their space and conversation. However, if they don t move their feet toward you and instead swivel at the hips, this is an indication you are not welcome. If you notice a person change their feet position and direct them away from you that is a sign of disengagement. Watch for the L shape; with one foot pointing toward you and another away. This is an Intention Cue that they want to leave. 11

12 3. Knee Clasp: When sitting if someone grasps their knees and shift their weight onto a foot, it s time to end the conversation or switch topics. 4. Rocking on balls of feet: Indicates excitement. 5. Pointing toe upward: In a good mood or hearing something positive. 6. Leg Splay (Territorial): Spreading legs apart. Think of the way police officers and the military stands. It denotes power and being in charge. When a confrontation occurs you will often see people spread their legs; not just for balance but for dominance and to take up more room and seem bigger. If you find yourself in this position and want to lessen the tension bring your legs together. For women: Be conscious of the fact that standing with your feet together is a submissive pose and is most often used by women. 12

13 7. Leg Crossing: One of the best measures of how we are feeling and if we are comfortable around someone. We normally cross our leg in the direction of the person we like the most. And if it reciprocated they will mirror your behavior. The sudden uncrossing of legs indicates we probably don t like the person. If a topic comes up that the person doesn t like they will often switch legs so that the knee becomes a barrier to that person. 13

14 8. Foot Lock: If a person suddenly turns their toes inward or interlocks their feet (especially around the legs of a chair) that person is probably feeling anxious, threatened or insecure. When people are comfortable they tend to have their ankles unlocked. Often people who are lying will not move their feet as if frozen or interlocked as if restricting their movements. Research shows that when you lie you tend to limit your leg and arm movements. When asked a difficult or highly stressful question, people also often withdraw their feet beneath the chair, which may be to minimize exposed parts of the body. As the subject changes their feet often reappear. 14

15 9. When meeting someone: As you shake their hand, lean in and give them a handshake and make eye contact. Then step back slightly. You will see 1 of 3 responses: The person will remain in place which shows what distance they desire. The person will also step back or slightly turn away; which shows they want more space or want to be somewhere else. The person will step closer to you; which means they feel comfortable with you. 15

16 TORSO: Hips, Shoulders & Chest Humans instinctually seek to protect crucial organs Watch for interactions with others to see if they turn toward a person or rotate only their head toward the person; thus protecting their torso. Turning your back on someone. Even a slight turn reflects that something or someone does not appeal to us. Watch for this behavior in Board meetings and negotiations when people are on opposing sides of an issue. 16

17 1. Leaning In and Leaning Away: People lean in toward one another when they are in agreement and lean away when they disagree; or do not like the person or the topic. 2. Barriers: (Chest shielding) Watch for holding of papers, backpacks, notebooks or items in front of the body as this may indicate discomfort. Men may often button their jacket closed and open it when the topic switches. People may also reach across their chest to play with their watch or jewelry. Men may play with their ties. 17

18 3. Crossing of Arms: When in public many of us cross our arms comfortably when listening to someone or watching something. However, watch for sudden crossing of arms as this often indicates disagreement, anger or discomfort. Also, pay attention to the fingers when arms are crossed. If they are tightly gripping the arms that may indicate some type of discomfort. 4. Walking and Entering: If someone stoops when they walk, with their head down, it is a sign of depression. Stride into a room with your head up and shoulders back. 18

19 5. Torso Splays: This is a territorial display, and is not appropriate in the work place or business. This posture shows indifference to others and especially those in authority. 6. Puffing up your Chest: Trying to establish dominance. 7. Shrugging Shoulders: An honest shoulder shrug will use both shoulders, showing they are confident. When only one shoulder raises you should question what they are saying If in response to a question the shoulders raise slowly as if trying to hide the head they are keeping something from you. 19

20 ARM SIGNALS When we are happy and comfortable our arms move freely. When excited our arms defy gravity and raise. When we are fearful we withdraw our arms. It is instinctual that when we are afraid, threatened, abused or worried our arms drop to our sides or cross our chest 20

21 1. When people place their arms behind their back, they are saying they are of higher status and should not be touched. This is also called the regal stance as you often see royalty taking this position. (Keeping someone at arm s length.) 2. A powerful nonverbal display is to stand with legs slightly apart and hands on hips. This indicates that you are standing your ground, confident, unwilling to be bullied and communicate that there are issues. 3. Hands on hips but with thumbs showing is a less dominate position. 4. A good way to establish a connection with someone is to touch them lightly on the arm, somewhere between the elbow and shoulder. 5. Elbows are often used as territorial displays. Think of the person that takes the arm rest on a plane or uses their elbows to keep others away during a meeting. 6. The territorial person will claim as much space as possible when they sit down at a table. The person who sits with their arms in their lap sends a message of weakness and low self-confidence. 21

22 HANDS AND FINGERS Never point a finger 22

23 Steepling: One of the most powerful positions as it is indicative of intelligence, confidence and power Hand wringing: Stressed, concerned, low confidence Hands in mouth: Insecure, pacifying behavior Thumbs sticking out of pockets: Kind of a thumbs up high confidence pose Thumbs in pockets with fingers out: Low status Thumbs up: High confidence Thumbs suddenly disappearing: There is a problem, negative Hands Freeze: Trying not to draw attention to themselves Hands out of sight or less expressive: Detracts from perceived honesty and low status 23

24 Self-Preening: Dismissive Nail biting or picking at nails or cuticles: Highly insecure Rubbing of hands: Pacifying behavior or may indicate ready to tackle job Hands covering neck or throat: Can be brain processing something or low confidence (normally not a deceptive tell) Palms up: Want to be believed, more passive, not very powerful. Remember powerful people don t have to plead to be believed. Palms down: More confident Fingers together vs. spread apart: When you gesture keep your fingers together and below chin level as fingers spread apart is perceived as less powerful. Note: Liars use less gestures, touch less and move arms and legs less, so as not to attract attention 24

25 HONORABLE MENTION Close Talkers: The normal social and business conversation takes place 4 to 8 feet from one another. Be conscious of your proximity to people and also of others who invade your space. 25

26 Space Studies have shown that the more socio-economically advantaged we are, the more space and territory we demand. It also shows that these people tend to be more self-assured, self-confident and appear to be of a higher status. If you want to annoy a person in power take over some of their space. Clothing and embellishments help others identify us socially, economically and professionally. Even if it s not fair, we are judged by how we dress ourselves. Think of ornaments like letter jackets, military insignias, and police badges that help us identify others. Power colors: Navy blue, gray and black; in that order. Trivia: The bigger the watch, the more powerful you appear. 26

27 WHERE YOU SIT MATTERS (SEATING POSITIONS) The power position is at the head of the table. Everyone in the meeting can see you. If you choose to sit in a weaker position at the table your ability to be an effective Chair or Leader has decreased. 27

28 The seat immediately opposite the Chair/Leader is the second power position. This seat tends to be reserved for the guest. It is visible to all and a good location for people who need to enter the meeting to present specific items on the agenda. This end seat can be a powerful spot to voice disagreement with the Chair, as you are directly opposite the leader. Some leaders may want to minimize divisiveness and have no seat at the opposite end of the table. 28

29 The individuals who sit next to the Chair have the ear of the Chair. When you sit in this position you can influence the flow of the meeting by assisting the Chair. You can draw attention towards or away from topics and speed up or slow down the agenda. Classically the seat to the right of the Chair is the spot for the second in command. The left seat is the spot for the up-and-comer. 29

30 The individuals who sit in the middle are out of sight to many at the table. They are being talked over and around. Only the heads of the table can see everyone. You may want to sit in the middle next to individuals with opposing viewpoints to soften or mitigate their opposition. Sit closer to the Chair and your opposition has to talk over or through you. The middle of the table is also good place to sit if you don t want to be heard. Sit here if you are unfamiliar with the group and you d like to quietly size up the situation. This is the seat if you want to be forgotten or overlooked. 30

31 Seating with No End Chairs Sometimes there are no seats at the end of the table. The power position in this setting is the middle of the table. It has the best view of the most individuals. The weakest position is at the end of the table on the same side as the Chair. 31

32 Imagine how effective you would be if you tried to lead a meeting from one of the yellow chairs. Think about how where you sit effects the flow of the meeting and your participation with others. Remember the person with power will take up more space. The best one-on-one position is at a 45% angle at the corner of the table as neither person is in a power position. This is the most effective seating position to resolve an issue or make a decision with someone. This is also the most effective for counseling an employee. 32

33 RETENTION AND PARTICIPATION RATE BASED ON WHERE YOU ARE SITTING RIGHT NOW (Known as the Funnel Effect) SPEAKER 58% 68% 58% 40% 55% 40% 40% 50% 40% 28% 44% 28% 33

34 LEARNING HOW TO DECIPHER POSTURES AND POSITIONS Engage in people watching Look at others talking and watch distance between them, facial expressions, any change in their position, feet and legs Note voice or pitch changes Always consider the context of the meeting or situation 34

35 LOW POWER POSITIONS Don t get caught in these positions if you want to display confidence. These are positions that tell others you are insecure, closing off and trying to make yourself smaller. 35

36 HIGH POWER POSITIONS & GESTURES Take up space, dominate, expand and make yourself bigger 36

37 MORE HIGH POWER POSITIONS: Note to Men: The position on the left is called the catapult position and is the most disliked by women. They perceive men exhibiting this position as arrogant and narcissistic. 37

38 MAJOR POWER POSES Joe Navarro, Former FBI Agent/Interrogator Slightly leaning forward, palms down with hands splayed; Means business French President Nicolas Sarkozy Hand Steeling: Intelligent, thoughtful, contemplating and powerful 38

39 BRINGING IT TOGETHER Body language at G8. President Obama s body is actually turned away from Iranian President with left knee and should as barriers. Iranian President has hands on knees and is leaning forward and towards Obama. He is probably thinking about getting up and leaving. Assistant has hands in lap with fingers intertwined showing frustration and questioning what to do. Both are leaning toward Obama wanting to be included. 39

40 USE BODY LANGUAGE MORE EFFECTIVELY HOW TO APPEAR CONFIDENT: Smile: Research has shown that people who smiled were perceived as more trustworthy, more attractive and more intelligent. Nod your head 2-3 times when someone is talking. This causes positive feelings, encourages cooperation, is contagious and is a powerful gesture. Research shows people talk 3-4 times more when the listener nods their head. Slowly nodding shows you are interested in what another is saying. Fast nodding shows you are ready for them to finish speaking. Make eye contact with others Stand or sit tall with shoulders back Make your hand gestures purposeful; as the more powerful a person is the less gestures and body movements they make. Lean forward when listening and sit/stand straight while speaking; avoid arm or feet crossing. Steepling hands is one of the strongest power positions. When appropriate, hands on hips pose shows you are ready to engage and take action. This is a pose that takes up space and makes you bigger. But be careful, as it can be perceived as aggressive in the wrong situation. 40

41 HOW TO KNOW IF A PERSON IS CONSIDERING AN OFFER: Eyes looking away return to yours when answering Finger stroking their chin Putting their hand to their cheek Tilting of head Leaning forward in their chair. If you are presenting a proposal this is a good sign 41

42 Their head is down HOW TO KNOW IF A PERSON IS NOT INTERESTED OR ENGAGED: They are slumped in their chair They are writing or doodling and not taking notes Eyes are down or gazing at something else Hands may be fiddling with something (pen, clothing) If a person leans forward with both hands on their knees or both hands gripping the chair, you should change direction or terminate the conversation 42

43 HOW TO TELL IF SOMEONE MAY BE LYING: (Be sure of context) Eyes are not maintaining contact or there may be rapid eye movement; but good liars are also aware that telling the truth requires good eye contact May hold a smile for too long Hands are in front of mouth when speaking Their body is turned away from you There are unnatural body gestures. They may be saying no, but nodding yes Their breathing rate increases They may have delayed head nods or shakes; body language not synchronized with words. They often will not touch you or objects around them or may freeze their upper body and legs. 43

44 WHAT TO WATCH FOR IN NEGOITATIONS OR MEETINGS: Defensive signs: Facial expressions are minimal Arms are crossed in front of body Little eye contact or eyes downcast Body is turned away from you Hand and arm gestures are small or close to their body They move away from you Respond to these defensive signs by asking a question, handing them something, mirroring their behavior. 44

45 MIRRORING BEHAVIOR One of the strongest methods for developing rapport with another is to mirror or synchronize their behavior. When another mirrors our behavior we subconsciously think that they are like us and agree with us. (But, don t over do it.) If you want to know who has the power and is the ultimate decision maker, watch for who mirrors who. In meetings or negotiations the person who has the power will be mirrored by the others; normally in pecking order. Often the leader will be the first to walk through the doorway and sit at the end of the table or sofa. 45

46 WORKS AND IMAGES SITED Cuddy, Amy. This Simple 'Power Pose' Can Change Your Life And Career. Cuddy, Amy. Your Body Language Shapes who you are, Hill, Ruth and the Mind Tool Team. Body Language, Understanding Non-Verbal Communication. Navarro, Joe. What Every Body is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent s Guide to Speed-Reading People, Harper Collins Books, Pease, Allan and Barbara. The Definitive Book of Body Language, Random House, Inc., Porath, Christine. No Time to be Nice, New York Times, June 21, Riggio, Ronald E, PhD. How to Read People s Minds, Everyday Mind Reading, Is there a psychological explanation for ESP? Psychology Today. 46