C hristian sexuality embraces what St. John Paul II called the Theology of the Body, which

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1 Session 4: Why Wait? God s Plan for Love & Sex C hristian sexuality embraces what St. John Paul II called the Theology of the Body, which teaches that, when he made men and women, God was revealing to the world a glimpse of the love shared within the Blessed Trinity. In our bodies, we reflect that love to the extent that we give of ourselves for the good of others and use our gifts and abilities to serve others out of love for God. Exercising the virtue of chastity prepares us for our future vocations. For most of us, dating helps us figure out (a) whether God is calling us (individually) to marriage and (b) what qualities we want in a future marriage partner. Dating is not an excuse to use each other selfishly, for pleasure or emotional affirmation. The virtue of chastity (the antidote to lust) empowers us to do what s good for others protecting and respecting them, even when feelings of attraction are strong. When we do this, we protect ourselves and we honor God as well as the other person s future spouse (whoever that may be). (Chosen Student Workbook, pg 212) So shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 To be pure, to remain pure, can only come at a price, the price of knowing God and loving him enough to do his will. He will always give us the strength we need to keep purity as something as beautiful for him. --Blessed Mother Teresa When you decide firmly to lead a clean life, chastity will not be a burden on you: it will be a crown of triumph. --St. Josemaria Escriva A clean heart is a free heart. A free heart can love Christ with an undivided love in chastity, convinced that nothing and nobody will separate it from his love. Purity, chastity, and virginity created a special beauty in Mary that attracted God s attention. He showed his great love for the world by giving Jesus to her. --Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta Temptation is necessary to make us realize that we are nothing in ourselves. --St. Josemaria Escriva Don't say, 'That's the way I am it s my character.' It's your lack of character. Esto vir! Be a man! --St. Josemaria Escriva

2 How is chastity a positive virtue (something to do, rather than to avoid)? What is the difference between love and lust? C hastity is the virtue that helps us live according to God s plan for our sexuality. Chastity helps us use the great gift of our sexuality for authentic love and gives us the strength to save sexual activity for marriage. Use of our sexuality for selfish reasons or engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage is an abuse of the purpose for which God gave it to us. The pain of broken relationships, depression, sexually transmitted diseases, and unwanted pregnancy are a reminder that sexual relations are intended for the exclusive and lifelong relationship of marriage. Married couples, too, are called to chastity by avoiding using their spouse in a lustful or selfish manner. (Chosen Student Workbook, pg 213) What are some ways that sexual impurity destroys relationships and hurts people? Do you think living a chaste life is possible? If there are so many benefits to living a chaste life, why do you think we seldom, if ever, hear this message?

3 Session 4: Why Wait? God s Plan for Love and Sex What practical things can you do to live out the love God is calling you to in purity? Chastity is a difficult, long term matter; one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit But at the same time, chastity is the sure way to happiness. St. John Paul II In the Beatitudes, Jesus said that purity of heart was necessary to see God. What does this mean to you? Tips for Practicing Chastity 1. Have a regular prayer life 2. Find good friends 3. Take your time with relationships 4. Only date someone if you can see yourself marrying them 5. Avoid tempting situations 6. Don t ask how far is too far? 7. Keep your thoughts and heart clean 8. Make your life Eucharistic 9. Go to Reconciliation 10. Know that Chastity is possible B ecause the word love is used not only to express our deepest feelings for another person, but also to express our desire for our favorite food, the word charity (also called agape in ancient Greek) is used to express the kind of love that God has for us and the kind of love he calls us to live. Jesus demonstrated this kind of love when he willingly gave up his life for us. We keep the crucifix on our wall not so much to remind us of the ugliness of his death, but to remind us of the greatness of his love for us. Christian love is more than the feelings of affection we have for another person; it is an imitation of Jesus sacrificial love for us, a love that seeks the good of the other above our own even to the point of laying down our lives. (Chosen Student Workbook, pg 213)

4 How can sex hurt someone, if you really love the other person? It s time we stop confusing lust with love. St. John Paul II rightly remarked that the fire of pleasure burns quickly like a pile of withered grass. Passing encounters are only a caricature of love. And because these feelings can be so powerful, they can trick us into doing something that can change our lives in a split second and not for the better. Authentic love does what s good for someone else, plain and simple. Is premarital sex good for someone? Let s look at the facts: Sexually active high school girls are three times more likely to become depressed; sexually active boys are twice as likely. There are physical risks as well, including HIV and other diseases. Chastity is good for your future! Those who wait are about seventy percent less likely to get divorced. On average, sexually active teens go on to earn sixteen percent less money than teens that waited. Finally, chastity is the only foolproof way to avoid the lifechanger of teenage pregnancy. Premarital sex can have a negative effect on future romantic relationships, harms your spiritual health, and can seriously damage family relationships. Promiscuity risks all these things. Conversely, the sooner someone commits to chastity, the better off that person will be! Chastity makes real love possible. It is the virtue that gives us the power to say to another person: I love you so much that you don t have to prove anything to me. Let me protect your emotional and physical health. Let me protect your relationship with your parents. Let me guard your relationship with God. Now that is love! (Chosen Student Workbook, pg 214) Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others. Self-mastery is a long and exacting work. One can never consider is acquired once and for all. It presupposes renewed effort at all stages of life. The effort required can be more intense in certain periods, such as when the personality is being formed during childhood and adolescence. The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality. Chastity isn t about following a litany of regulations so you don t go to hell. It s about wanting heaven for the person you love. - Jason Evert W hen sexuality is separated from love and is sought only for the sake of satisfaction, one destroys the meaning of the sexual union of man and woman. Sexual union is the most beautiful bodily, sensual expression of love. People who look for sex without love are lying, because the closeness of their bodies does not correspond to the closeness of their hearts. Someone who does not take his own body language at its word does lasting damage to body and soul. Sex then becomes inhuman; it is degraded to a means of obtaining pleasure and degenerates into a commodity. Only committed, enduring love in marriage creates a space for sexuality that is experienced in a human way and brings lasting happiness. YouCat, pg 220

5 Session 4: Why Wait? God s Plan for Love and Sex Chastity must not be confused with prudishness. A person who lives chastely is not the plaything of his lusts but, rather, lives his sexuality deliberately, motivated by love, and as an expression of that love. Unchaste behavior weakens love and obscures its meaning. The Catholic Church advocates a holistic-ecological approach to sexuality. This includes sexual pleasure, which is something good and beautiful; personal love; and fruitfulness, which means openness to having children. It is the understanding of the Catholic Church that these three aspects of sexuality belong together. All human life finds its meaning in love. To be chaste means to love with an undivided heart. The unchaste person is torn and not free. Someone who loves authentically is free, strong, and good; he can devote himself in love. Thus Christ, who gave himself up completely for us and at the same time devoted himself completely to his Father in heaven, is a model of chastity, because he is the original model of strong love. YouCat pg Challenge of the Week Do some reporting! Check out Jason Evert s site, ChastityProject.org, and peruse the hundreds of teen questions answered at the site. Pick two questions to summarize in the space below. Try a new habit. Our culture bombards us with sinful images and words. Every time an impure thought or temptation comes to your mind, silently turn to the Blessed Mother in your heart by calling her name: Mary, help me Take note of any positive changes in your thoughts this week. Chastity is about more than not having sex. It s about loving rightly. How can you put this into practice this week? How can you, as a young man or young woman, do something to honor the opposite sex? Write about it here, and tell about it next week.

6 Reflection Do your current relationships reflect the definition of love that Christ gave us? God created us to be in relationship with other people. How can we express what we feel including physical attraction in ways that are positive and pure of heart? Temptation is necessary to make us realize that we are nothing in ourselves. St. Josemaria Escriva Catechism of the Catholic Church YouCat pages If You Really Love Me. Jason Evert Theology of His Body/Her Body. Jason Evert

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