If I had not been included in the group, I would have had a lump inside me. Hilde Egge Public health nurse/ deputy LaH NSF

Transcription

1 If I had not been included in the group, I would have had a lump inside me. Hilde Egge Public health nurse/ deputy LaH NSF

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3 Background Similiar offers in schools in USA for nearly 30 years (Grych & Fincham 1992). Arguments for school as an arena: * generalization, * reach everybody, * network among pupils and teachers/ public health nurses for daily support, * no need of transporting, * no competition with leisure activities By training the school personnel in drifting groups, the probability for permanent establishing increase (Cowan et al. 1989).

4 Livet under 18 (Sanner og Dønnestad 2003) The Life before 18 (A report to FN) A survey of 1500 young people about growing up in Norway. The adolescens who experienced a divorce during their childhood wished that their situation were adressed by any adult in school. Although divorce is common, it is painful.

5 Why are children of divorce a vulnerable group? Life conditions changes dramatically as parents split up. Usually, children lose daily contact with one of the parents. They have to adapt to a living with only one parent at the time, at the same time the lack of the other. Economic and social changes Compulsory adaption to new family - situation. New rules, routines - and new relations Conflict of loyality

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7 Jo, det er jo sånn med skilte foreldre da at ofte blir det jo mye å tenke på i timen, og så kan vi komme hit noen ganger og slappe litt av da hvis du skjønner hva jeg mener.? Yes, with divorced parents it`s like, you know, there`s often a lot to think about during schooltime. and then we come here sometimes and relax a little, - if you know what I mean...? "

8 Both children and grown-ups need a lot of support by divorce. Often the parents are so overwhelmed by their own feelings in this period, or the conflict can be so heavy, that the parents ability to meet their children`s needs is reduced. They may need help to see the needs of their children!

9 Guidance Material Sold 347 pr A copy provided with guidance suitcase Sold 181 pr Sold 19 pr Sold 12 pr

10 Theoretical background One reason why people get psychological problems is that they are not able find words that describe their experiences H.Øvreeide 2002 Sense of coherence, SOC, by meaningfulness, comprehensibility, manageability. A.Antonovsky In a group with other pupils who have the same experiences, children can help both themselves and each other by supporting each other, sharing feelings, information, ideas and sollutions. K. Heap, 1998

11 As public health nurses, we can help the parents to see the children, give them attention and support. We are using different methods of communication.

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13 My Family Me Dad Mom Karin

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15 illustrationes...gives both identification and the need of distance to a difficult theme.

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18 PEDAGOGISK SOL Educational sun Mom and dad split up because. What could Lars do to still realize the fishing trip?

19 Lifeline

20 Network Map Marianne Anne Ida Elisabeth

21 Aims of the groups To make children see that they are not alone. Their problems are common and by dicussing them, they help each other. To motivate the children to talk about the difficult things with their parents, other adults and friends. To focus on positive conseqences of the divorce. To actually be a free spot for the children where they are not obstructed by lojalitybonds to their parents. To help the children see how their difficulties at home can affect their schoolsituation. To help the children see that they can be a support to others in the same situation.

22 We hope that.when the children get help and support to work through the crisis and get their feelings expressed, - maybe a divorce can turn into an experience for life, which increases their ability to cope with other difficulties in later life...they will learn to value the positive effect of shareing difficult thoughts and feelings with others

23 Documentation of effect. Studies from the US and Germany from the last 25 years. (Pfeifer/Abrams-84, Pedro- Carroll/Cowen-85, Gwynn/Brantley-87, Alpert- Gillis et al-89, Garvin et al-91,frey-2000, Wolchik et.al 2002, De-Lucia-Waack/Gellman 2007 etc.) Most of them concludes with better coping, positive change of behaviour, less concerning and negative feelings about the divorce and decreased psychological problems.

24 Our evaluation The essence of questionnaires answered by the pupils themselves, their parents, teachers and group supervisors was that the children very much appreciated to talk about their problems with others who had the same experience. They obviously enjoyed the fellowship; they met new friends, became more openminded and talked more easily about the divorce with both their friends and with their parents at home. Some described a better concentration at school, witch was confirmed by teachers. The group-leaders considered our Handbook for the group sessions as essential by which them easily could structure their course of sessions.

25 What it means for students to participate in discussion-groups about their parents' breakup?

26 IDENTIFICATION... It's really just to know that others are in the same situation. It helps a lot too. You are not alone. About the dirt-slenging between parents: It seems very unnecessary, but now I have heard that it is quite common. Things I thought was strange, - now I know is quite normal, - it was not just my parents.

27 To have the opportunity to talk about it Just to get to talk about your feelings does really help if you do have something inside yourself you do not get rid of. So, if you put into words, it becomes better, I think.... You get a few kilos off your shoulders somehow, one gets a bit relieved when getting it out! At least if you have not talked to anyone about the divorce before.... So you can get on a bit further in your thoughts in a way, and you do not have to have the same (thoughts).....

28 Benefit each other There's many people who have experienced something of the same, and then it's nice to hear advice and how they've done it and stuff. It is easier to deal with it even then. We all support each other, because we know what we all have been through, - right? We take better care of each other then... If I have difficulties to bring books or stuff to school as I should, because I live in two places,i often get a lot of yell from my teacher because of it. Now, those who also have divorced parents come and support me. So, there has been some advice..

29 EXPERIENCE OF COMMUNITY

30 Identification Support To talk about it Experience of community

31 SAFETY You feel safer when you manage to talk about it. In a sense, it has been reassuring to know that others are in the same situation as you are.

32 aware of their own wishes and needs... I moved every single week before, but now I move every two or three weeks... - I am happy now. - And I've learned to take some things in my own hands as well. You have to do something yourself to get anything happen.

33 Parents have become more focused on their childrens opinions - With me, it's like that after I began to tell more at home, I started to get new kinds of questions: Is this okay for you? Or,- do you think this is OK?... Now it's like that if there is anything they wonder, they ask me a lot more.

34 Increased understanding of the parents / stepparents... but it's so that parents have got new friends and stuff. I look at this a lot more positive after I have been here. I've been thinking about how the friend of one of my parents is doing, how this person is feeling, - I think a little bit more on them, somehow

35 are able to see the positive aspects of the divorce It's more fun to have 4 parents - than to have two parents, so... I'm really glad that my parents were divorced, because if they had lived under the same roof, - damn if it had worked! Yes, it's like, my god, what was it they saw in each other, what did they have in their minds, sort of...? It is best for everyone really,- so you don`t come home just to hear the bickering. It might be the best for all of us.

36 Identification Support To talk about it Safety and selfconfidence Experience of community Ability to see the positive aspects of the divorce More aware of their own wants and needs Increased understanding of the parents / stepparents Parents have become more focused on their childrens opinions

37 SER DU MEG? (Do you see me?) A collaboration on post-divorce aid to child/parent, between The Family Service and the Child and Adolescence Health service. Fortsatt Foreldre + PIS-grupper Still parents + PIS-groups ( PIS = Plan for implementation of communicationgroups for children of divorce in schools)