Manage Conflict and Improve Relationships. Sara Burks Managing Director, Adaptis Limited

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1 Manage Conflict and Improve Relationships Sara Burks Managing Director, Adaptis Limited

2 Rational Intelligence How can I solve this problem with the resources at my disposal? Emotional Intelligence How can I adapt my behaviour to get the best from each relationship? Visionary Intelligence Begin with the end in mind* * Stephen R Covey The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People 1992

3 Emotional Intelligence Knowing your emotions Managing your own emotions Motivating yourself Recognising and understanding other people's emotions Managing relationships, i.e., managing the emotions of others Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence Why it can matter more than IQ 1997

4 Iceberg Observed behaviour Intentions Self Esteem

5 Relationship Awareness Theory

6 PREMISE 1 Behaviour is driven by motivation

7 PREMISE 2 Motivation changes in conflict

8 PREMISE 3 Personal weaknesses are overdone strengths

9 PREMISE 4 Personal filters influence perception

10 Altruistic-Nurturing - BLUE VALUED RELATING STYLE Being open and responsive to the needs of others Seeking ways to bring help to others Trying to make life easier for others Trying to avoid being a burden to others Ensuring others reach their potential Ensuring others are valued Defending the rights of others Concern for the Protection, Growth and Welfare of Others

11 Assertive-Directing - RED VALUED RELATING STYLE Competing for authority, responsibility and positions of leadership Exercising persuasion Being alert to opportunity Claiming the right to earned rewards Accepting challenges Accepting risk-taking as necessary and desirable Demonstrating competitiveness Concern for Task Accomplishment, the Organisation of People, Time, Money and Any Other Resources to Achieve Desired Results

12 Analytical-Autonomising - GREEN VALUED RELATING STYLE Being objective Being right Being principled Being in control of emotions Being practical Being cautious and thorough Being fair Being resolute Being serious Being their own judge and jury Being their own person Thinking things through before acting Concern for Assurance That Things Have Been Properly Thought Out, Meaningful Order Being Established and Maintained Individualism, Self-Reliance & Self-Dependence

13 FLEXIBLE COHERING - HUB VALUED RELATING STYLE Being curious about what others think and feel, open minded and willing to adapt Experiments with different ways of acting Proud to be a member Likes to know a lot of people Likes to be known by a lot of people Likes to be known as flexible Concern for Flexibility, the Welfare of the Group the Members of the Group and Belonging in the Group

14 Assertive Nurturing - RED-BLUE VALUED RELATING STYLE Actively seeking opportunities to help others Persuading others to ensure maximum growth and development of others Being open to proposals for creating welfare and security for others Creating enthusiasm and support in tackling obstacles to success Concern for the Protection, Growth and Welfare of Others Through Task Accomplishment

15 Concern for Intelligent Assertiveness, Justice, Providing Direction, Order, and Fairness in Competition Judicious Competing - RED-GREEN VALUED RELATING STYLE Providing rational direction that can assess risks and opportunities Being decisive and proactive when all the facts are in Challenging opposition through thoughtful process and strategy

16 Concern for Affirming and Developing Self- Sufficiency in Self and Others, Thoughtful Helpfulness with Regard for Justice Cautious Supporting - BLUE-GREEN VALUED RELATING STYLE Building effective processes and resources to protect or enhance welfare of others Offering assistance for greater self-sufficiency and independence Supporting activities that lead to growth Fighting for principles that are fair

17 What is conflict? Conflict is a reaction to a perceived threat to self-worth People are willing to go into conflict about things that are important to them. (conflict triggers) When we see conflict in other people, we can discover what is important to them

18 Charting Template Task Focus, Innovation, Fast Decision Making, Competitiveness, Being Progressive, Risk Taking Conflict Triggers... Lack of...

19 Openness, Trust, Harmony, Charting Caring Template Decision Making, Helping Those in Need, Respecting Individuals Task Focus, Innovation, Fast Decision Making, Competitiveness, Being Progressive, Risk Taking Conflict Triggers... Lack of...

20 Openness, Trust, Harmony, Charting Caring Template Decision Making, Helping Those in Need, Respecting Individuals Task Focus, Innovation, Fast Decision Making, Competitiveness, Being Progressive, Risk Taking Continuous Improvement, Thoughtful Decision Making, Personal Excellence, Process Innovation, Self-reliance, Objectivity, Fairness Conflict Triggers... Lack of...

21 Openness, Trust, Harmony, Charting Caring Template Decision Making, Helping Those in Need, Respecting Individuals Task Focus, Innovation, Fast Decision Making, Competitiveness, Being Progressive, Risk Taking Interdependence, Collaboration, Consensus, Flexible Decision Making, Flexibility, Developing Synergy, Sociability Continuous Improvement, Thoughtful Decision Making, Personal Excellence, Process Innovation, Self-reliance, Objectivity, Fairness Conflict Triggers... Lack of...

22 Internal Experience in Conflict CONFLICT STAGE FOCUS ON BLUE RED GREEN 1 Self Problem Other Simply being accommodating to the needs of others Simply rising to the challenge being offered Simply being prudently cautious 2 Self Problem Other Giving in and letting the opposition have its way Having to fight off the opposition Trying to escape from the opposition 3 Self Problem Other Having been completely defeated Having to fight for one s life Having to retreat completely

23 Observable Behaviour in Conflict CONFLICT STAGE FOCUS ON 1 Self Problem Other BLUE RED GREEN Accommodate others Rise to the Challenge Be prudently cautious 2 Self Problem Other Surrender conditionally Fight to win Pull back and analyse 3 Self Problem Other Surrender completely Fight for survival Withdraw

24 The Relationship Charting Template Quick resolution of issue Doing whatever it takes Clarity and understanding Primary Areas Of Focus at Stage One

25 Manage Conflict and Improve Relationships Sara Burks Managing Director, Adaptis Limited

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