Communicating with the Dead through the Newspaper: A Quantitative and Qualitative Analysis. Patricia L. Bromley and Mittie J.A.

Transcription

1 Patricia Bromley and Mittie Nimocks Communicating with the Dead through the Newspaper: A Quantitative and Qualitative Analysis Patricia L. Bromley and Mittie J.A. Nimocks Rituals performed immediately following a death serve important functions. Preparing the deceased for burial, creating a means for mourners to gather, and preparing for a funeral allow people to begin to grieve the loss. Obituaries simultaneously notify the public about funeral plans, and memorialize the deceased. But what purpose is served by ads placed in newspapers long after someone has died? Often, these notices appear to be directed to the deceased, as though the dead person subscribed to the Sunday edition and would be sure to read it. The question posed in this paper is, who writes and pays for these advertisements and why do they do it? In this study, the content of In Memoriam ads was analyzed via qualitative and quantitative methods. Data reveal that such ads serve several purposes, including maintaining attachment bonds, seeking community, commemorating the deceased, and reconstructing one s personal belief system. Key Words: In memoriam, newspaper, death, bereavement, obituary Cultures have norms concerning expression of grief. A funeral, memorial service, and/or visitation are public and expected; a newspaper obituary invites mourners to attend. However, some mourners also place In Memoriam (IM) ads in the newspaper a year or many years later. Such ads are often framed as private communications to the deceased, yet are posted in a public forum. The practice is not simply a North American phenomenon; Alali 1 examined such ads in Nigerian newspapers, identifying several common features. Though bereavement is assumed to be a private, personal experience, it is also a social one. 2 Private grief work helps one come to accept the death. 3 Reaching out to the outside world may facilitate this process. 4 Personal ads and web cemeteries 5 may allow a means to express sadness for a longer time and to a wider audience than might otherwise be possible. Roberts 6 analysis of web cemetery guestbooks reveals that 29% of entries were written by the memorial author, returning to visit. The memorial is a public venue; postings often refer to anonymous others, e.g., whoever is reading this. Almost half of visitors did not know the deceased, suggesting that those who post memorials and those who read them are seeking a broader community in which to discuss grief. 7

2 Communicating with the Dead In Memoriam ads may represent attempts to maintain bonds to attachment figures. 8 Because attachment bonds are crucial to well-being, 9 when death severs them, individuals may try to maintain them. Because most separations are temporary, our tendency is to call out for the other, to create and maintain a mental image of them 10 and to fantasize about their return. 11 In the absence of ongoing physical contact with the person, images may fade into oblivion unless preserved by the living. Recent bereavement research has focused on the ways bonds can be continued in adaptive ways. 12 Bereaved individuals must reappraise the meaning of the loss and somehow relocate the deceased in a world in which they are no longer physically present. Coping involves changes in identity (e.g. from wife to widow) and role (e.g., mastering new skills). In a sense, the biographies of self and of the deceased are modified on an ongoing basis. 13 This is done through efforts to make sense of the death. 14 Because families create their own realities, narrative is the method by which reality is maintained. 15 Families discuss whether the death was preventable and tell stories about the deceased, finding ways to characterize the deceased which allow them to construct meaning. For this study, the authors used both a quantitative analysis of the content of IM ads, and a qualitative one. The quantitative analysis consisted of frequency counts of ad contents. The qualitative analysis employed Burke s 16 method of dramatistic criticism. Burke 17 posited that human action can be understood through the metaphor and language of drama. Rhetoric may be analyzed by defining the where and when (Scene), what (Act), who (Agent), how (Agency), and why (Purpose) surrounding any particular act or genre of acts. Burke described relationships between any two of these elements as ratios referring to the balance between the two, or the relative emphasis of each. Human acts have very different meanings based on which of the five elements is used to define another. 18 Memorials published in newspapers provide an intriguing genre for study. Regardless of one s beliefs regarding life after death, it is odd that a person would communicate with a deceased loved one through a newspaper. Does the sender of the message believe that the newspaper provides a channel accessible to the deceased whereas other channels of communication are not? The critical question of this study is why one would choose this form of communication. Applying Burke s pentad, the Agent in IM ads is the person or people who authors, submits, and pays for them. The Act is the posting of the ad. The Scene is the date on which the ad appears. The Agency is the ad itself. Determining the Purpose is the primary objective of this study. Focusing on the Agency-Purpose ratio, the ratio that calculates the relationship of meansends 19 illuminates why presumably rational humans would choose the personal ads as an agency for communicating with the dead.

3 Patricia Bromley and Mittie Nimocks 1. Method The Wisconsin State Journal (WSJ), a daily newspaper published in Madison, Wisconsin, USA, was used in this study. The WSJ, which has a statewide readership, features IM ads on the Personals page in the Classifieds section. We analyzed all IM ads placed in the WSJ in We tallied date of the ad, gender and age of the deceased, years since death, who placed the ad, the apparent audience, the occasion (e.g., anniversary of death, birthday), manner of death, and whether a photograph appeared. The form of the ad (e.g., poem, letter) and specific contents were also tallied. Ads which appeared for several days were only analyzed once. 2. Results A. Features of IM Advertisements (Table 1) In 2005, 191 IM ads appeared in the WSJ. Most (61.9%) memorialized males and appeared within five years of death (55.3%). The modal number of years since death was one (M = 5.3, range 1-25); the modal age at death was 18 (M = 39.27, range 1-89). The vast majority (79.9%) of authors were relatives, usually your family. Mom was far more apt to place an ad than Dad (12.4% versus 2.1%). Ads apparently placed by pets comprised 4% of the sample. The deceased appeared to be the audience for the ad in 82% of cases. Some ads (4.1%) were directed to the public and some (6.2%) to both the deceased and the public. Ads were most commonly placed on an anniversary of the death (52.6%) or birthday of the deceased (32%). B. Content of IM Advertisements (Table 2) Ads most commonly featured a photograph of the deceased and a letter or note (57.2%) to the deceased. Poems appeared in 32% of ads. Mentions of loving (81.4%), missing (62.9%), and feeling the presence of the deceased (66.5%) were also common. Sadness (23%) and longing for the deceased (18.6%) were less common. Pearson correlations were computed among the variables. Age at death was negatively correlated with presence of a photograph (r = -.16, p <.05). Years since death was positively correlated with presence of an information update for the deceased (r =.156, p <.05). Age at death was negatively correlated with mentioning the possibility of a reunion with the deceased (r = -.19, p <.01). Authors who mentioned loving the deceased also tended to mention missing them (r =.38, p <.01). Mention of love correlated positively with mention of memory (r =.15, p <.05) and of a desire for a reunion (r =.16, p <.05). Longing was positively associated with sadness (r =.20, p <.01). C. Application of Burke s Pentad Scene. The date marked by IM ads is significant; ads were most commonly placed on an anniversary of the death, publicly marking the significance of that day. Birthdays comprised the second largest category of dates, with other special occasions less frequently recognized. Recently-deceased

4 Communicating with the Dead people are most commonly memorialized, suggesting that grief work provides a means of maintaining a relational bond after death but that the bond relaxes with time, for many people. It may feel strongest on the anniversary of death and at holidays. Table 1. Frequencies and Number of Instances in IM Advertisements Feature Number of Instances Frequency Gender of Deceased Male % Female % Unknown 4 2.1% Author of Advertisement Your Family % Mother % Both Parents % Children 6 3.1% Wife 5 2.6% Dad 4 2.1% Pets 4 2.1% Husband 3 1.5% Others (step-relatives, names of peopld) 3 1.5% Audience The Deceased % Deceased and Public % Public 8 4.1% Other 8 4.1% Unspecified 3 1.5% God 1 0.5% Occasion Anniversary of Death % Birthday of Deceased % Other (Christmas, Mothers/Fathers Day, Thanksgiving, Wedding Anniversary) % Form Letter or Note % Poem % Birthday Greeting 7 3.6% Other (Epitaph, Bible Verse, Chant/Cheer) 6 3.1% Note: n = 191 Act. The Act is to send a written and visual message. Nearly always, this message was addressed to the deceased, though a few were directed to the public. The presence of photographs in 80% of ads suggests a visual reminder is important. The format was commonly a letter or note to the deceased and the most common message was an expression of love for the deceased, frequently coupled with the message that the deceased was

5 Patricia Bromley and Mittie Nimocks missed. Approximately half of ads referred to memories of the deceased. Half mentioned being conscious of time elapsing since the death. Many included wording suggesting that those placing ads felt the presence of the deceased, e.g., Your spirit lives within us. This supports the theory that the bereaved wish to maintain relationship with the dead. Table 2: Instances of Specific Features of Advertisements Feature Number of Instances Percent Loving % Feeling the Deceased is Present % Missing % Time Passing % Memories of the Deceased % Making Sense of the Death % Sadness % Longing % Imagining the Deceased Now % Reunion with the Deceased % Idealization of the Deceased % Instructions % Update on Family Events % Thanks % Manner of Death 7 3.5% Warning 6 3.1% Note: n = 191 In more than 25% of ads the writer seemed to be creating a narrative to make sense of the death. A reunion was suggested by approximately 15% of authors and idealization of the deceased in about the same percentage. Thus, the Act appears to weave together words and images reflecting closeness to, and regard for, the deceased. Agency. Placing an ad in a daily, regional newspaper, to be posted on a specific date involves planning, time, thought, and money. Such an agency also allows for feedback regarding the message. Feedback may come from those who read the ads but also may come in the form of the agency/act itself. Workers at the paper read the ad, it is published in the newspaper, and then it is delivered to the author, who then may read it, becoming both receiver and sender of the message. Agents are most often relatives; feedback would return to them, providing additional opportunities for talking with others about the deceased. Purpose. The most frequent message communicated is that the author loves and misses the deceased. Timing of messages on significant dates suggests the wish to communicate is strongest then.

6 Communicating with the Dead Agency-Purpose Ratio. Considering the various reasons other types of messages are communicated through ads might offer some insight as to why a living person would choose this channel. Notices of items for sale or items that have been lost and found are placed when the author wishes to communicate with a person unknown (e.g., I found your ring but I don t know who you are. ) This reason would not apply to the deceased, as it is clear that this person is well-known to the author. Another reason for placing an ad is to communicate with a person whose whereabouts are unknown. This is a more logical rationale, in that while most people know where the physical remains of a loved one are they may feel uncertain of where the spirit or non-physical person resides. D. Discussion People place personal ads as announcements to the general public. In this respect placing an IM ad parallels other acts that memorialize a loved one such as placing flowers at graves and erecting roadside crosses. Ads may be used not to reach the deceased effectively but as a means of communicating a message publicly. The question becomes not, why the newspaper? but, why the public nature of this intimate communication? Must it be public so that it may be witnessed? An IM ad seeks connection with those who have empathy with the loss and also declares that the relationship continues. A public declaration affirms that a person lived and was important, unique, and loved. It documents the devotion of the partner and the strength of the bond, perhaps offering an opportunity to complete unfinished business or redefine the relationship. We therefore conclude that there is a dual audience for these ads, and that the motivations for their public nature are complex. Most IM ads are addressed to the deceased and serve to maintain attachment and affirm beliefs that the relationship between the author and the deceased is intact. Addressing the deceased publicly is a formal declaration of love (and of one s belief in the afterlife) to which the readership act as witnesses. The 20% of ads not specifically directed to the deceased sought community, commemorated the deceased, and rewrote narratives. 1 A Alali, Obituary and in-memoriam advertisements in Nigerian newspapers, Omega, vol. 28, issue 2, 1993, pp M Stroebe, H Schut, & W Stroebe, Attachment in coping with bereavement: A theoretical integration, Review of General Psychology, vol. 9, issue 1, 2005, pp S Freud, Mourning and melancholia. In J Strachey (ed.) Standard edition of the complete psychological works of Sigmund Freud, Hogarth Press, London, 1957.

7 Patricia Bromley and Mittie Nimocks 4 J Archer, Broad and narrow perspectives in grief theory: Comment on Bonnano and Kaltman, Psychological Bulletin, vol. 127, issue 4, 2001, pp M Moss, Grief on the web, Omega, vol. 49, issue 1, 2004, pp P Roberts, The living and the dead: Community in the virtual cemetery, Omega, vol. 49, issue 1, 2004, pp P Roberts, Here today and cyberspace tomorrow: Memorials and bereavement support on the web, Generations, vol. 28, issue 2, 2004, pp J Archer, op. cit., p J Bowlby, Attachment and loss: Vol. 3: Loss: Sadness and depression, Basic Books, New York, J Archer, op. cit., p M Gibson, Melancholy objects, Mortality, vol. 9, issue 4, 2004, pp M Stroebe, H Schut, & W Stroebe, op. cit., p M Moss, op. cit., p C Davis, S Nolan-Hoeksema, & J Larson, Making sense of loss and benefiting from the experience: Two construals of meaning, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 75, issue 2, 1998, pp J Nadeau, Meaning making in family bereavement: A family systems approach, In M Stroebe, R Hansson, W Stroebe, & H Schut (eds) Handbook of bereavement research: Consequences, coping, and care, American Psychological Association, Washington, DC, 2001, pp K Burke, A Grammar of Motives. Prentiss-Hall, New York, Ibid. 18 J Gusfield, Kenneth Burke on symbols and society. University of Chicago Press, Chicago, J Gusfield, op. cit., p. 136 Bibliography Alali, A, Obituary and in-memoriam advertisements in Nigerian newspapers, Omega, vol. 28, issue 2, 1993, pp Archer, J, Broad and narrow perspectives in grief theory: Comment on Bonnano and Kaltman, Psychological Bulletin, vol. 127, issue 4, 2001, pp Bowlby, J, Attachment and loss: Vol. 3: Loss: Sadness and depression, Basic Books, New York, Burke, K, A Grammar of Motives. Prentiss-Hall, New York, Davis, C, S Nolan-Hoeksema, & J Larson, Making sense of loss and benefiting from the experience: Two construals of meaning, Journal of

8 Communicating with the Dead Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 75, issue 2, 1998, pp Eisenhandler, S, The art of consolation: Commemoration and folkways of faith. Generations, vol. 28, issue 2, 2004, pp Freud, S, Mourning and melancholia. In J Strachey (ed.) Standard edition of the complete psychological works of Sigmund Freud, Hogarth Press, London, (Original work published 1917). Gibson, M, Melancholy objects, Mortality, vol. 9, issue 4, 2004, pp Gusfield, J, Kenneth Burke on symbols and society. University of Chicago Press, Chicago, Moss, M, Grief on the web, Omega, vol. 49, issue 1, 2004, pp Nadeau, J, Meaning making in family bereavement: A family systems approach, In M Stroebe, R Hansson, W Stroebe, & H Schut (eds) Handbook of bereavement research: Consequences, coping, and care, American Psychological Association, Washington, DC, 2001, pp Reid, J & C Reid, A cross marks the spot: A study of roadside death memorials in Texas and Oklahoma, Death Studies, vol. 25, issue 4, 2001, pp Roberts, P, The living and the dead: Community in the virtual cemetery, Omega, vol. 49, issue 1, 2004, pp Roberts, P, Here today and cyberspace tomorrow: Memorials and bereavement support on the web, Generations, vol. 28, issue 2, 2004, pp Rosenthal, C, Kinkeeping in the familial division of labor. Journal of Marriage and the Family, vol. 47, issue 4, 1985, pp Stroebe, M & H Schut, The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description, Death Studies, vol. 23, issue 3, 1997, pp Stroebe, M, H Schut, & W Stroebe, Attachment in coping with bereavement: A theoretical integration. Review of General Psychology, vol. 9, issue, 1, 2005, pp Patricia Bromley is professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin- Platteville. Mittie Nimocks is professor of Communication and Dean of the College of Liberal Arts and Education at the University of Wisconsin- Platteville.