Adopting a child Information for enquirers

Transcription

1 Adoption Service Forever Families Every child deserves a forever family, why not me? Adopting a child Information for enquirers

2 Adopting a child information for enquirers Contents Welcome to this information pack 3 Introduction to adoption 4 What is adoption? 4 Which children need adoptive families 4 Who can adopt? 5 Why do we assess people who wish to adopt? 5 What does the assessment process involve? 6-13 Meeting the child and introductions 14 Financial support 15 Children 16 Which children need adoptive families 17 Children who are adopted Expectations of the Agency of prospective adopters 20 The ongoing challenge 21 Last word 22 Some useful address/contacts 23 Some well-recommended reads

3 Forever Families Welcome to this information pack Thank you for the interest you have expressed in adoption. This booklet aims to provide you with some information about adoption and the process involved in becoming an adopter. We hope you will find this helpful and a good introduction to learning more about adoption. If you decide to proceed further with your interest in adoption please contact an Adoption Social Worker on: Tel: (01472) option 2 fostering&adoption@nelincs.gov.uk An Adoption Social Worker will then arrange to visit you to explain the process in a little more detail and to answer any questions you may have. We look forward to hearing from you. 3

4 Adopting a child information for enquirers Introduction to adoption What is adoption? Adoption is a way of providing a permanent new family and home for children who are unable to live with their own family of birth. An adopted child becomes a full member of the adoptive family with the same legal rights as any child born into that family. Once a court makes an adoption order in favour of the adoptive parents, only the adoptive parents have parental responsibility (legal rights) for the child. Which children need adoptive families? The nature of adoption has changed so much over recent years. Some of the main changes include: Early Permanence Placements (EPP) these are for children who may not be able to be safely cared for by their birth parents and who need at least a shore period in Local Authority care. They are likely to need to be adopted, but still have a chance of being reunited with their birth family. EPPs seek to prevent the moves of placements for these young children at a very sensitive time in their development and growth by placing the baby with an approved adopter who can foster the child while assessments and court proceedings are ongoing. So the prospective adopter will provide the short term fostering placement and will then go on to adopt the child if the court agrees the plan for the child to be adopted and makes the appropriate legal order to allow this. Please refer to separate EPP leaflet for more information. There are babies who are placed for adoption. The babies who do need adoptive families sometimes have special medical needs. Adoptive families are especially needed for older children and families who can consider adopting more than one child to try to keep family members together. Many children placed for adoption may have been removed from previous carers because of concerns or evidence of physical, emotional, sexual harm or neglect. Many children placed for adoption now have significant memories of their families of birth Adoptive families are needed for those children who may have health problems or who have delay in some aspect of their development. Increasingly a feature of adoptions now is that arrangements are made for there to be some form of continuing contact between the adoptive family and the child s family of birth. 4

5 Forever Families Early permanence planning All sorts of people can adopt. You have to be aged 21 or over. There is no upper age limit. You could be single, married, in a civil partnership; living together; in work or unemployed. You don t have to be very wealthy or live in a big house. You should be in reasonably good health. All applicants will be considered on their own merits and on their ability to meet a child s needs throughout her/his childhood regardless of age, disability, religion, or ethnicity. The only people who would be automatically excluded from applying to adopt are those who have certain criminal convictions (particularly any offences involving children) or who live with partners who have those convictions. Because of the well-documented risks of passive smoking, we will not place children under five years of age with applicants who smoke. But you do need to: Have a good sense of humour! Provide a safe, secure, loving home Commit to a child to adulthood Accept a child s history and help the child to understand his/her past in appropriate ways Maintain links with members of the child s birth family where appropriate To work with the Adoption Agency, other specialist agencies and accept/ask for support Why do we assess people who wish to adopt? It is essential for the welfare and safety of a child that consistent and thorough assessments are carried out. Assessments also are carried out to ensure that adopters have the capacity to meet the needs of any child placed with them. Assessments should also help to ensure people who wish to adopt are able to respond to the life long issues associated with adoption. 5

6 Adopting a child information for enquirers What does assessment involve? These are the main steps: Adopters process 1. Initial Enquiry 2. Initial visit by Adoption Social Worker. 3. Stage One: Statutory checks undertaken, medicals and references. Preparation Training ( two months) 4. Stage Two; Home Assessment and Prepare to Adopt Workshop Days (four months). 5. The Adoption Panel 6. The Agency s Decision Let s look at each of these steps in turn 6

7 Forever Families Step 1: Your initial enquiry You begin the process by making your initial enquiry. This could be a telephone call or a letter/ to the Adoption Service expressing your interest in adoption and asking for more details The Adoption Service will take some basic details and then, within 24 hours, send you an information pack (this pack) which gives you information about General information about adoption The procedure involved in becoming an adopter; Children who need adoptive families What will be expected of you as an adopter An explanation of why checks will be made of your background and the background of other adult members of your household. Step 2: The Adoption Team considers your application Once you have decided you wish to proceed further and contacted the Adoption Agency, an Adoption Social Worker will then arrange to visit you and have a full discussion about your application, why you want to adopt, your family circumstances etc. The Adoption Social Worker will give you a Registration of Interest Form for you to complete and return if you wish to continue with your application. We will then make a decision about whether or not we proceed to Stage One of the inform you of this and you will be allocated an Adoption Social Worker if we agree that you will proceed. Anyone who wishes to be considered as a prospective adopter must meet the following criteria: Minimum age: An individual applicant or both members of a couple must be over 21 If one of the couple is the mother or father of the child and is over 18, then their partner may apply to adopt the child as long as they are over 21 Specified offences if a prospective adopter or another member of their household has committed or been cautioned for a specified criminal offence at the age of 18 or over, they will not be considered as eligible to adopt. The Adoption Social Worker will provide you with more details of what is meant by specified offences. Residency A couple must meet at least one of the following domicile or habitual residency criteria to be able to apply to a court to adopt: At least one of the couple is domiciled in the British Isles Both have been habitually resident in part of the British Isles for at least one year ending with the date of the application to court for an adoption order. Everyone expressing a wish to be assessed for their suitability to adopt will be considered on their own merits. 7

8 Adopting a child information for enquirers Step 3: Stage One You will be provided with information about adoption and you will be invited to a Workshop day with other prospective adopters. These are held monthly and are arranged jointly with our neighbouring authority of North Lincolnshire. They form an important part of the adoption process. Through stage one we aim to help you to make an informed decision about whether adoption is right for you and to prepare and equip you as well as we can to become adoptive parents. We try to cover all aspects of the process of adopting and the impact of adopting on the child; on you; and your family. Personal references All applicants must nominate 3 people to provide character references. (Not more than 1 may be a relative). The Social Worker will interview each referee and complete a written report of these discussions. References are confidential and are not shared with prospective adopters Other checks The Adoption Service must undertake a number of other checks on prospective adopters: the Disclosure and Barring Service Community Health Local Authority NSPCC. Employer Contact with the school if you have school aged children Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) Because the safety and welfare of the child is paramount, enhanced DBS checks must be undertaken into the background of all prospective adopters and any member of their household over 18 years of age. Anyone applying to adopt is advised to declare any offences or cautions as soon as possible Health report All prospective adopters will be required to arrange a medical examination with their GP. (There will be a fee). This health report is then sent to the Medical Advisor. The Medical Advisor will then add a professional summary to the health report for the consideration of the Adoption Panel. After all checks have been completed and you and the Agency make a decision about whether you should proceed onto stage two of the process. 8

9 Forever Families Step 4: Stage Two The home assessment comprises a series of interviews with an Adoption Social Worker. We ask for all sorts of information, as we have to be certain that adopters will be able to meet the needs of vulnerable children. The purpose of the home assessment is to gather information to prepare the Prospective Adopter s Report. An Adoption Social Worker will see couples together and individually. You will see the finished report and be invited to add your written reflections. The Prospective Adopter s report must include information on: Who s who in your family; Your home, household and local community Your experiences of growing up as a child/ young person and how you feel those experiences may have influenced you as a parent; Your educational experiences Your employment history Significant relationships within your life Your current relationship Your sources of support Income The possible impact on your relationships and life style of a child being placed with you for adoption Your parenting capacity Your ability to meet the needs of a child placed for adoption Your views about the importance of a child s religious and cultural upbringing Your views on maintaining links with the child s family of birth The stability and permanence of the relationship of all couples who wish to adopt. This applies whether the couple are married, in a civil partnership or are 2 people of the same or different sex living together in an enduring relationship Health and medical report including: General medical information and current state of health Family health history Infertility history if appropriate Details of alcohol consumption, smoking and/ or habit forming drug use In addition Ex-partners The adoption agency should obtain and consider personal references from ex-partners and adult children. The purpose of this approach is to seek the views of the ex-partner regarding any child protection concerns rather than particularly concentrating on the past adult relationship. Preparing to adopt workshops You will attend further Workshop sessions The subjects covered in the Workshop sessions include the process of becoming an adopter; reasons why children need adoptive families; the impact of separation and loss, abuse and neglect on children s development and behaviours; what is meant by contact; how prospective adopters are introduced to a child; support to adoptive families. Experienced adopters are invited to attend the last part of each session to share their experiences. You will also meet all the Adoption Social Workers. The groups are very informal and although many participants are anxious when they begin, all have said they found them very helpful and most admit to enjoying them! If any issues arise from the workshop concerning your suitability to adopt, these will be discussed further with you in the Home Assessment. 9

10 Adopting a child information for enquirers Here are some quotes from participants on the Preparing to Adopt Workshop sessions It was very informative. All the staff were friendly and approachable. A lot of information was given and explained very well. Very relaxed atmosphere. The groups were educational, informative and interesting. A sparkling touch of humour kept it from getting too dry. My views are more relaxed now thanks to the excellent course and I cannot wait to get started now on our second time round. The groups were very well done. It was good that everyone got involved. Very relaxed and even fun. All was ok: - group work 7/10 Videos 8/10 Social Workers 10/10!! The way the information was passed on to us without being talked at. (We were treated as equals and talked to). The friendly staff and other course members. Full days without being too intense. Family Book Prospective adopters will also be asked to compile a family book. This is usually a binder with photos of yourselves, your house, the area in which you live etc and some simple explanatory text. The purpose of the book is to introduce you to your child as a prelude to meeting you for the first time in introductions. These family books are very successful in introducing prospective adopters to the child. Second Social Worker Report There may be a need for a second social worker visit to clarify issues identified within the report. This visit is undertaken by another Adoption Social Worker in the Team who has not been previously involved in your home assessment. Next Steps The Prospective Adopter s Report; your comments on the report; the health report; the checks and references and the report of the second social worker are all submitted to the Adoption Panel Timescales After an adoption agency has received a Registration of Interest Form from a person wishing to adopt, the agency has two months to complete stage one and four months to complete stage two: to prepare and present the Prospective Adopter s Report to the Adoption Panel 10

11 Forever Families Step 5: The Adoption Panel Each Local Authority, which is an adoption agency, is required to establish its own adoption panel. North East Lincolnshire Council has established an adoption panel. Who sits on adoption panels? North East Lincolnshire Adoption panel consists of an independent chair person; a vice chair; a minute taker; a Medical Advisor; a Professional Advisor; Elected members; an adopted adult; an adopter; a Local Authority Education officer and an independent Social Worker. What happens at Panel meetings? The Adoption Panel members will have received all the reports and papers before the meeting. You will be invited to attend the Panel but you are not obliged to attend. If you chose not to attend, this will not prejudice your application After a full discussion, Panel members then make their recommendations. What recommendations can Panel make? Adoption Panels can make 3 recommendations depending on the case in hand: a) In the case of a child - to recommend that a child should be placed for adoption if the case is not in the legal arena; b) In the case of people wishing to adopt - that the applicants be approved as suitable to adopt c) In the case of a match -that specific prospective adopters are suitable as prospective adopters for a specific child What happens next? This recommendation will then be sent to the Agency Decision Maker. 11

12 Adopting a child information for enquirers Step 6: The Agency s Decision Panel recommendations are then sent to a Senior Manager/Assistant Director (called the Agency Decision Maker) who can then decide whether or not to ratify those recommendations. The Agency Decision Maker must make the decision within 7 working days of the panels recommendation. The prospective adopters must be informed orally of the decision within 2 working days and within 5 working days of the agency decision. What could happen if there are problems? Sometimes a Social Worker may obtain information that may cause the agency to doubt the suitability of the prospective adopters to adopt. The Social Worker must give the prospective adopters counselling and advice and explain why the agency feels unable to support the application The prospective adopters may accept this advice and withdraw their application or: The prospective adopters may ask the adoption agency to submit a report (called the brief report) to panel for consideration. This only occurs in stage two of the process. The brief report will have details of the assessment so far and the reasons for considering why the application should not continue to a full assessment. The prospective adopters will see the brief report and have 10 working days to submit their comments to the agency. The prospective adopters will be invited to the adoption panel When considering a brief report, the Panel may: Ask for more information Ask the agency to continue with the assessment and complete a full report Accept the brief report and make a recommendation that the prospective adopter is not suitable to adopt If you are approved as prospective adopters: Your Adoption Social Worker will keep in touch with you and begin the matching process. (The process by which you may be linked with a child who needs an adoptive family). Within 3 months of your approval as prospective adopters, the agency must also place your details with the Adoption Register (with your consent). As the name suggests the Adoption register is a national database in which details of prospective adopters and details of children who need adoptive families can be registered. The administrators of the Register can then contact Social Workers regarding possible matches. If approval to adopt is not given If the Agency Decision Maker considers that the prospective adopters are not suitable to adopt a child, the agency must: Notify the prospective adopters in writing that the Agency Decision Maker has not approved them as suitable to adopt a child. This is called a qualifying determination. The agency will also notify the prospective adopters of the reasons for that decision and send a copy of the recommendations of the adoption panel if those recommendations are different. The prospective adopters then have 40 working days starting from the date that notification was sent to decide what they wish to do next. 12

13 Forever Families What are the options: At this stage, the prospective adopters could: (a) Accept the decision of the agency The agency will write to the prospective adopters to formally notify them of the decision and the reasons for it ;or (b) Refer back to the adoption panel If the prospective adopters notify the adoption agency within 40 working days, their case may be referred back to the adoption panel Panel can consider the case in the light of any representations the prospective adopters may make and make a recommendation. This recommendation again is sent to the Agency Decision Maker for consideration; or (c) Independent Review Mechanism (IRM) Prospective adopters may request a review of the qualifying determination by writing to the IRM. In this case, the adoption agency must provide the IRM with all the relevant documents within 10 days of being notified by the IRM administrator. The prospective adopters are invited to attend the panel. The IRM can make a recommendation which is not binding on the adoption agency but will be considered by the Agency Decision Maker. After Adoption Panel Once you have been approved as a prospective adopter you will be considered for a child or children. It is impossible to say how long you will have to wait before your social worker discusses details of a child or children with you. In practice this can be either weeks or months and in some cases longer than a year. It is completely dependent upon there being children for whom the plan is adoption and whose details appear to fit the sort of child you feel you could care for. How might we link you with a child? Because North East Lincolnshire is a small geographical area it is often not possible to place the Authority s children within its boundary. This Agency is part of a consortium of local authorities which meets regularly and aims to identify prospective adoptive homes for the children of the region. Your details will also be sent to the National Adoption Register so you could be considered for children nationwide. You will also be invited to subscribe to national publications such as Adoption Today/ Children Who Wait which feature children in need of adoptive families and Adoption Link. Matching you with a child In due course, having discussed a particular child s details with your social worker, you and your social worker may feel that this could be the right child for you. Arrangements will then be made for you to meet: the child s social worker; the child s foster carers any other professionals who have been involved in the care of the child After much opportunity for discussion, if everyone agrees that it appears that you would be the right family this child, details are put to the Adoption Panel for their approval of the match. The recommendations of the Adoption Panel will again be sent to the Agency Decision- Maker for her/his views. 13

14 Adopting a child information for enquirers Meeting the child and introductions After the match between you and the child has been approved, there follows a carefully planned programme of introductions. You and the child will be given time, after the first few meetings with each other, to think very carefully about whether or not this link feels right. Your social worker will support you throughout. Having decided to proceed, you and the child spend longer periods of time together in preparation for an agreed moving in date. The length of introductions varies according to the age and needs of the child. Assistance may be given in meeting the costs of the introductory period e.g. travelling costs and accommodation. Adopters also often receive a grant towards the cost of essential items of equipment and in some cases they are eligible for other sources of financial support. Moving in The first few months of any placement can be exciting, tiring and at times difficult. Your child may be sad about leaving the familiarity of their foster family and anxious about being in new surroundings with new carers and maybe a new school. You will perhaps be having to adjust to being parents for the first time. Children may need to talk about their birth family or other people who have been important to them. It will help your child enormously if you can accept that your child has these memories and can talk sensitively about them. Your social worker will continue to visit regularly to offer advice, support and encouragement. There is a legal requirement for all adoptive placements to be reviewed at specified times before the Adoption Order is granted. These reviews are usually held in your home and are attended by yourselves, your social worker, and the child s social worker and are chaired by an Independent Reviewing Officer. Applying for an adoption order The Reviewing Officer and/or your Social Worker will advise you about making the application to a court for the Adoption Order. Although you will share parental responsibility for the child with the child s birth parents and the Local Authority, you will not be the child s legal parents until this Order is made. Your child will need to have lived with you for at least 10 weeks before you could make an application to the Court to adopt her/him. The two types of courts, which normally deal with adoption applications, are Magistrates Courts and County Courts The Court fee for applications to both the Magistrates Court and the County Court fee is 170. There is no difference in the status of the Adoption Order that is granted. In Short Adoptive parents willing and able to meet the challenges of modern adoption are given continuing support and advice from all professionals involved in the process of adoption. The Agency aims to meet the government standard of six months from receiving the Registration of Interest Form about adoption to decision about approval, however these timescales are dependent the needs of the prospective adopters and unplanned for situations that arise. After the adoption An Adoption Support Plan will be agreed with you before the Adoption hearing, because support available does not end once an Adoption Order has been granted. The Adoption Team will be available for individual enquiries, help and support at any time. They will also be able to help you access any other source of advice you may need e.g. education, health or psychological services. As adopters, you would have the right to apply to the Local Authority at any time for an assessment for adoption support. 14

15 Forever Families Financial support Parenting any child is expensive and making financial adjustments will need serious consideration when you are applying to adopt. Some things to bear in mind: If you are in work and are considering stopping work to be at home for the child, how will you manage with the loss of income? Have you discussed with your employer if you are able to take adoption leave/maternity leave and, if so, under what terms? Once you have a child placed with you for adoption, you will be entitled to claim Child Benefit from the day the child was placed with you. Depending on circumstances, the Adoption Agency may be able to: Help financially with the costs incurred in travelling for introductions to the child; Arrange a grant to towards the cost of any equipment you may have needed to buy in preparation for the arrival of the child e.g. a bed; school uniform; There may be circumstances in which the Agency can offer one-off or continued financial support to adopters once a child has been placed. Can we help further? If after considering this information you have questions or would like an informal discussion, please do not hesitate to contact us at the Fostering and Adoption Service. The details are: Tel: (01472) fostering&adoption@nelincs.gov.uk 15

16 Adopting a child information for enquirers Children Children of all ages from babies to teenagers need adoptive families. There have been many social changes in recent years, so that there are now significantly more older children than babies who need adoptive families. Many children placed for adoption have special needs some children may be born with problems, e.g. physical or learning disabilities. Some children may have problems as a result of very damaging experiences in their early years, including abuse, neglect and parental drug misuse. The development of some children may be delayed as a result of their early experiences. and committed to help them through the difficult times as well as the good times. As you think about adoption, it is important to bear in mind that: A secure and loving home will help a child but may not help a child to recover from all her or his difficulties you may need extra help; The impact of abuse and neglect can be very severe, even in very young children or even if children were removed from the abusive home at a very young age. Adopters may have to help children who have: Delayed language skills Limited attention span Delayed physical skills e.g. walking, running, catching a ball Learning difficulties Immature behaviour for her or his age Immature behaviour when with other children Lack of self-esteem Inability to control their emotions e.g. anger, joy All adopted children need a loving, secure, stable, understanding experience of family life. In addition they need help in coming to terms with their past experiences and the loss of their birth families. Most children who are adopted will need adoptive families who are strong enough 16

17 Forever Families Which children need adoptive families Babies 0 12 months There are babies placed for adoption and however, it is still rare for a baby to be placed for adoption at the request of her or his mother. Most babies placed for adoption may have been removed from very difficult circumstances. Some may have special needs. Many may have been removed from families where there was misuse of drugs and the babies were born with drug withdrawal symptoms. Foster to Adopt is one way of placing a baby at an early stage with an Adopter under Regulations which allow the Adopter to become a Temporary Foster Carer until the court has agreed that the child can be placed for adoption. Your social worker will give you more information about this. Children 1 4 years Some of these children are part of family groups of two or more children. Many of these children have more complex needs. Many may have experienced physical, emotional or sexual abuse, or generally have been unsettled, living in a number of different homes with a number of different carers. All these children will need love and security along with the extra patience and understanding required to deal with the effects of their early experiences. Children 5 years and upwards The number of children in this age group is increasing and we always need to recruit families for these children, especially boys. The difficulty of settling children into new families does not necessarily increase with age and will depend upon the child s personality and individual life experiences. Their need for love, security, patience and understanding are great but many adopters will describe the rewards of parenting a school age child. Family Groups The number of children in this group are growing. We are always keen to recruit adopters who feel they could parent two or more children. In certain cases financial assistance can be considered. Children with disabilities and special needs Children with disabilities include children with a physical disability or learning disability or both. These may be serious or mild. They may include Downs Syndrome, Spina Bifida and Cerebral Palsy. A growing number of babies and young children have delayed development with a high degree of uncertainty about how they may develop in the future. Some of these children may require special educational and medical help. Some children come from backgrounds which make it likely that they could face difficulties in later life e.g. parents with mental health problems, HIV or AIDS or other hereditary conditions such as Huntingdon s disease. Keeping in touch with the past It has become increasingly common that in most adoptions some arrangements are made for the child s birth family to be updated on the progress of the child, provided this is felt to be in the best interests of the child. There are many permutations but most often adopters would provide an annual update on the child s progress and may, in turn, agree to receive information from the birth family. These arrangements will have been discussed and agreed to before the child is placed for adoption and will continue after the children have been adopted. 17

18 Adopting a child information for enquirers Children who are adopted The decision that adoption is in a child s best interests tells a story of sadness, loss and pain in a child s life. No matter how young or how old the child, they have lost people who are important to them. They may have learnt that adults are not to be trusted, or that you lose the people you love. They have also lost their home, extended family, pets and all that is familiar. Very often they may have suffered abuse and neglect. Many children being placed for adoption have experienced emotional deprivation and abuse and have come to believe that, in some way, they are responsible. They have few reasons to trust adults and find it hard to believe that their adoptive family will love them, or that there is such a thing as a forever family. Why should they??? Their experience has taught them otherwise. Contrary to expectations, young children often have as much difficulty in settling into a new family as older children. Their development in terms of trusting, and bonding may have been interrupted over and over again. They may have been frightened, worried, angry and powerless in situations where important adults have disappeared without warning and strangers have had to care for them. When they move to adoptive families they bring all these feelings with them, but may have no words to explain those feelings or to understand. Their only language is behaviour and often anger and fear are expressed in the kinds of behaviours adults find difficult. It takes time for children to learn to trust. Children may put up barriers when they are wary or apprehensive to protect themselves. This can be a hard time for new parents who want so much to love the children. Here are some examples of children who have been placed in adoptive families in recent years: Geraldine Geraldine was 4 years old when she was placed for adoption. She had lived in four different homes in her early years while her mother tried to sort out her own problems. Eventually a Judge decided Geraldine had waited long enough for her mother and she was placed for adoption. Geraldine was a well behaved child outside her home. Her new grandparents thought she was a beautiful, loveable, enchanting girl. However, her new parents were subjected to tantrums, swearing, stubborn, rejecting and defiant behaviour continuously for 6 months. Then Geraldine chose her adoptive dad to tell in graphic detail the sexual abuse she had experienced. Now, at 9 years old, Geraldine still has difficult times and no one yet knows how she will cope with becoming a teenager and then an adult, but she is angelic sometimes at home and she is certainly loved and accepted by her adoptive parents. Darren Darren lived with his mother until he was 7 years old. His father was unknown. His mother never wanted or liked Darren. He was put to bed as soon as he got home from school. If Darren cried and screamed he was locked in the family car overnight. He would be deprived of food but forced to sit at the table and watch his younger sister eat. His paintings from school would be torn up whilst his sister s were hung on the wall. Over the years Darren learnt he was the baddest boy in the world in his eyes, he must be for his mother to treat him like this, because there was no physical or sexual abuse it took a long time for Teachers and others to find out the degree of emotional abuse he was suffering. 18

19 Forever Families After a year in placement, Darren is now adopted. He is only now starting to learn that he can get angry and show it safely, rather than stealing food and money from those who love him. It will take many years and probably periods of psychological help for him to really believe that he is loved and will never have to suffer such powerful rejection again. Jason Jason was only 16 months old when placed with his adoptive family but in his short life had had 4 moves. Major difficulties arose in the placement when after 1`8 months his new adoptive mum and dad felt they had got no closer to him than they had on the first day. Jason would simply not allow them to parent him because he had learnt not to trust adults and to rely only on himself. He was emotionally shut off, created major scenes about the smallest issues (e.g. choice of clothes, food etc), tried to control everyone, but was totally separate from the rest of the family emotionally. No one really believed that there would be such difficulties with a child so young. Thankfully, his adoptive mum and dad were able to wait for Jason and slowly, very slowly, he began to learn to trust. After 3 years in placement, he is now able to take their love and give love in return. Adam Adam is 8 years old and needs to attend a special school. Although he has speech difficulties, this did not stop him showing his distressing experiences of sexual abuse. Adam has terrible rages during which he destroys those things most special to him. His new family, however, love him dearly and are prepared to do whatever is needed over the years to help him reach his full potential and live through the traumas of his younger life. Peter, Jane and Michael Peter (6) and Jane (5) are full siblings and Michael (3) is their half brother. Peter and Jane were removed from the care of their birth parents when Peter sustained a fracture to his leg. The injury was consistent with a non accidental injury. He has been generally neglected, as had been Jane. The children were removed when Peter was 3 and Jane was 2. The children were eventually placed with adopters. These adopters were exceptionally patient in helping Peter recover from his damaging early experiences and coping with his rages of frustration. Michael was removed from the care of his birth mother at birth and after a period in foster care, he was placed with Peter and Jane, keeping the children together. The children are now thriving. Birth mother went on to have two more children, who in turn were removed from her care by Social Services. These children have also been placed together but with another adoptive family. The two adoptive families regularly keep in touch and all five children will be raised in the knowledge of each other, will see each other and keep in touch. 19

20 Adopting a child information for enquirers Expectations of the Agency of prospective adopters To participate in the assessment process To accept visits by social workers To be prepared to talk about and think about themselves, parenting and adoptive parenting To arrange a health assessment To sign and respect an undertaking of confidentiality To compile a Family Book To keep the Agency informed of any changes in their circumstances To travel for introductions To be available for introductions To participate in the adoption introductions planning meeting To prepare for the child/children moving into their home To provide a safe and loving home for any child placed with them To sign the adoption agreement To accept social worker visits on the placement, including seeing the child s bedroom To host reviews on the child In conjunction with the social worker, to lodge their application to adopt To participate in any contact arrangements which have been agreed North East Lincolnshire Council welcomes, without prejudice, all applications from adults interested in adoption. The Council is committed to ensuring that no one is experiences discrimination in terms of personal differences, such as race, colour, racial, ethnic or social origin, gender, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, age, disability, marital status and caring responsibilities. Applicants can be assured that they will be treated fairly, openly and with respect throughout the adoption process. 20

21 Forever Families The ongoing challenge When you are thinking of adopting a child, it is important to remember that you are adopting a person who is a child now, but who you will have to help through all their stages of development. This will include helping her or him perhaps to regress to stages she or he missed, e.g. 9-year-old children need to be much younger, often pretending to be babies or toddlers, before they can catch up. Sometimes they are stuck at the stage when something traumatic happened and their behaviour becomes more like that of a 5 year old than a 9 year old. As they grow up you will need to help them with the mixed feelings they have towards their birth parents. No matter what has happened to a child, she or he is still biologically part of their birth parents. To feel good about themselves, she or he will need help in accepting what has happened. Otherwise the child may think.if they are bad, am I bad too? Can you see the child s needs in relation to their birth parents as an important issue and help her or him? 21

22 Adopting a child information for enquirers Last word When you are thinking of adopting a child, it is important to remember that you are adopting a person who is a child now, but who you will have to help through all their stages of development. This will include helping her or him perhaps to regress to stages she or he missed, e.g. 9-year-old children need to be much younger, often pretending to be babies or toddlers, before they can catch up. Sometimes they are stuck at the stage when something traumatic happened and their behaviour becomes more like that of a 5 year old than a 9 year old. As they grow up you will need to help them with the mixed feelings they have towards their birth parents. No matter what has happened to a child, she or he is still biologically part of their birth parents. To feel good about themselves, she or he will need help in accepting what has happened. Otherwise the child may think.if they are bad, am I bad too? Can you see the child s needs in relation to their birth parents as an important issue and help her or him? 22

23 Forever Families Some useful address/contacts CoramBAAF Adoption and Fostering Academy CoramBAAF provides expert help, support, research and guidance on all matters to do with fostering and adoption. CoramBAAF also publishes a range of book on fostering and adoption as well Be My Parent, a monthly publication featuring children who need adoptive families. Prospective adopters can subscribe to this publication. CoramBAAF Coram Campus, 41 Brunswick Square, London, WC1N 1AZ Tel: Website: If you are interested in subscribing to Be My Parent, please ring /1/2 for details. CoramBAAF has a helpline for advice/help on adoption and fostering matters: Ofsted Ofsted is the body which inspects and regulates Adoption Agencies, amongst a whole range of other duties. To quote from the Ofsted website: We inspect and regulate to achieve excellence in the care of children and young people and in education and skills for learners of all ages. To contact Ofsted: By enquiries@ofsted.gov.uk The website: Adoption UK Adoption UK are a voluntary organisation providing support to families before, during and after adoption. Adoption UK also publishes a range of very readable and helpful books and pamphlets on all aspects of adoption. Adoption UK publishes a bi-monthly Journal Adoption UK which includes articles on current adoption issues and features children who are waiting for adoptive families. Adoption UK 46 The Green South Bar Street Banbury Oxon OX16 9AB Tel: Website: Adoption UK also has a helpline:

24 Adopting a child information for enquirers Some well-recommended reads Amy Neil Slater: (2006) The Adopter s Handbook BAAF This handbook provides prospective adopters with information on e.g. the adoption process; legal and financial issues; schooling and education; physical and emotional needs of the child; meeting the needs of adoptive parents. Well recommended. Jenifer Lord: (2006) Adopting a Child BAAF A beginner s guide to adoption including sections on adoption in England and Wales; inter country adoption; step parent adoptions and takes in recent legislative changes. Caroline Thomas: (1999) Adopted Children Speaking BAAF Verna Beckford Nigel Lowe Mervyn Murch This book features a number of moving stories from children and young people who have been adopted. David Howe: (1996)) Adopters on Adoption BAAF A collection of personal stories by adopters covering all aspects of the adoption process. Lynn Charlton: (1998) Still Screaming: Birth BAAF Maureen Crank parents compulsorily Kinni Kansara separated from their children Carolyn Oliver Revealing and hard-hitting accounts of the experiences and feelings of birth parents who have had their children compulsorily removed from their care. Prue Chennells: (1998) Talking about Adoption BAAF This book gives good practical advice and suggestions for talking to children of all ages about adoption. Maria James: (2006) An Adoption Diary BAAF One couple s emotional journey to become an adoptive family 24

25 Forever Families Paul May: (2005) Approaching Fatherhood: BAAF A guide for adoptive dads and others The experiences and perspectives of adoptive fathers Stephen Hicks: (1998) Janet McDermott Lesbian and Gay Fostering Jessica Kingsley and Adoption A very readable guide Hedi Argent: (2004) Related by Adoption: A BAAF Handbook for grandparents and other relatives Julia Wise: (2007) Flying Solo BAAF The realities of life as a single parent of an adopted child 25

26 Adopting a child information for enquirers Notes. 26

27 Forever Families 27

28 If you decide to proceed further with your interest in adoption please contact an Adoption Social Worker on: Tel: (01472) option 2 fostering&adoption@nelincs.gov.uk