SEX, SANITY & SLEEP SETTLING

Transcription

1 SEX, SANITY & SLEEP SETTLING When it comes to settling, let s look to the indigenous cultures around the world for advice. Most babies in indigenous cultures rarely cry. Mothers or their relatives (usually females) soothe their babies very quickly and self-settling routines are certainly not incorporated. Mothers also carry their babies almost all day and allow their babies to sleep on top of them. Conversely, in our culture we are mistakenly taught to whisper, tiptoe and be quiet around our babies, thinking that they need to have a quiet environment. This is actually far from the truth. Most babies are understimulated. Recreating a womb-like environment with all its movement and sounds is incredibly important for babies because it triggers the neonatal reflex that they were so used to when they were inside their mother s body. This is really a primitive group of reflexes that is almost an off-switch for crying. So, what should you do when it comes time to put your little one down to sleep? If you can, don t put them down all the time. Babies have spent the last 9 10 months inside the womb being comforted non-stop and as a result they still want to be near you. Find a way to make this work if you can. Baby wearing is a safe and effective way for your baby to feel the warmth, comfort and security of you or your partner. In fact they need this, for both comfort and their nervous system stimulation. It s also extremely important for their neural development. We spend so much time trying to put them down, but what if instead we actually listened to what they need?

2 The industry that creates products to help put babies down to sleep is huge, worth millions of dollars, and consists of everything from rocking chairs and teddy bears that vibrate to battery-operated swings. Has it ever occurred to us that maybe the answer is NOT to put our babies down? It is not for forever, and the bonus is that it will help with not only the baby s mood but also the parent s. Don t forget that cuddles from your offspring help to stimulate the hormone oxytocin, the calming hormone that can help ward off depression and anxiety better than any over-the-counter socalled solution. The fourth trimester needs to be a gentle transition into the infant stage and it is pretty unrealistic to expect a newborn baby to adjust to life on the outside instantly. While as the Mum, you need to recover from birth and get used to feeding; your baby also needs to gently transition into the outside world. Spend plenty of time cuddling, resting with, feeding, carrying, wearing and enjoying your baby to help make the transition easier. Babies have just been in the womb, so imagine how scary it is for them to be in total darkness, on a flat bed in a room by themselves when they need to sleep after birth. Physical contact is especially important for c-section babies to stimulate their nervous system. Their system doesn t get the wake-up call that naturally delivered babies receive when they pass through the birth canal.

3 It s important to realize that you cannot spoil a newborn! Keeping baby close feels right, right? You ve been so used to having baby inside your body and now that they are in the outside world you still want to keep them close, so keep them close! Children are not spoiled by love and affection; they thrive on it and will turn into an independent child no matter how much you rock, cuddle, wear or hold them. Your baby should be greeted in this new world with patience and wonder, not strict routines. After all, I would always rather pick baby up to find out nothing was wrong than leave him to cry and find out later that something was! Initially babies don t know the difference between night and day when they re born. While a lot of books suggest blacking out a baby s room so it is almost pitch black during the day (with the idea that your baby will sleep better and for longer), I m not sure about this concept. For example, what if I m not home? I have other kids, so it isn t always possible or preferable to stay at home all day. Secondly, how will newborns get used to night and day? Our bodies create a hormone called melatonin (a natural sleep drug) when in darkness, and create less of it when it s light. I believe that keeping daytime light and nighttime dark will help your baby adjust to night and day much more quickly than if you blacken out a room during the day. With regards to sleep, I ve said it before and I ll say it again, babies do NOT do schedules. What you need to do is listen to your instincts and work out what the baby likes. You are both individuals, so anybody telling you to do this or do that has no idea that they are dealing with different situations and people each and every time. Parental understanding and empathy is the key once this exists everything else will flow naturally. Sometimes to tap into your instincts, you might need to think to yourself, If I was new to this world, what might I want right now?

4 When it comes to the right types of clothing for sleep-time, all-in-ones, pajamas, rompers and the like are perfectly acceptable clothing for a baby during the whole day. Babies don t get very dirty so you really don t need to change their outfit regularly. If your baby is the type that sick s up a lot, a bib is perfect and much easier to change. Trying to dress a newborn who is not cooperating at all and isn t happy about the whole ordeal can be stressful on both parties. A tip to settling is therefore to limit the process to nappy changes rather than total outfit changes. The below section on settling techniques assumes that your baby is not hungry. For more information on hunger cues and feeding, check out the FEEDING section instead. Also, please note that for some babies you may need to use all of the ideas listed below, while for others only a couple may be needed. My suggestion is to try them all and see what works for you and your baby. You ll be able to tell very quickly.

5 SWADDLING It must feel strange for a baby to go from being inside your womb, nice and tightly-held with barely any room to move, to this outside world where they are free and have a lot of space around them. While the best thing you can do for your little one is hug them in your arms, this is not always possible or even preferable, especially if you have other children. As an alternative, you might like to try swaddling. A baby who is swaddled firmly enjoys the continuous touching sensation and support that they experienced in the womb. If you are new to swaddling, you can watch our video on how to wrap your bub here, and you can also buy a swaddle wrap. These are specifically designed to make swaddling much easier and even wriggly babies find them hard to get out of. I personally used a Miracle baby wrap and Ergo Wrap and I absolutely loved it as it was easy to use and settled my babies down very quickly. If you are breastfeeding, I recommend that you make sure feeding is established before you swaddle, and also ensure that you watch for your baby s hunger cues for demand feeding. Here are some safety guides to be aware of when swaddling: - A baby should not have his or her head or face covered at any time. - Swaddling is not recommended if your baby is ill or has a fever. - Only ever swaddle using a light/breathable fabric, such as muslin, to avoid overheating your baby. - Only continue to swaddle your baby until he or she is big enough to roll over (generally about 12 weeks old). - A baby should always be placed to sleep on their back to decrease their risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). - Swaddling should never be tight across bubs chest or hips, and their legs should be free to bend into a newborn s folded legs position. If you are going to swaddle your baby, do it as soon as possible. Do not start swaddling a two-month old baby.

6 PLACE BABY ON THEIR SIDE OR TUMMY This is one that Dr Harvey Karp also recommends from his studies. Place a baby on her left side to help with digestion, or on her stomach to provide reassuring support. Obviously making sure breathing is not obstructed at all. Once the baby is sleeping peacefully, you can turn her onto her back, which experts say is the safest sleep position in preventing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). In many European countries babies are always put to sleep on their stomach and rarely have any problems with wind. They also tend to be more settled. You can also try placing your baby on one arm, with their tummy and face downwards. Have their head cradled in the crook of your elbow and your hand holding their nappy. Obviously make sure their face is turned outward and their nose and mouth is unobstructed. This way you can also combine the next step (Get Moving) with the comfort of your baby being on his or her tummy too.

7 GET MOVING Before your baby is born, he or she has been used to the constant rhythm of your movements that would sway, jiggle and swing them almost all day. To recreate this try rocking, swaying or swinging; dance around the house; ride in the car; going for a walk on a bumpy path, gravel or grass; or even use an infant swing. These techniques can also help to settle babies. Babies generally love all movement but we often try to put them somewhere that is completely stationary, like a bassinet or crib. No wonder they protest, as this doesn t make sense to them! Check out the Baby Wearing section (below) for more information on making this an easy and comfortable way for both mother and child to benefit

8 CHIROPRACTOR OR KINESIOLOGY This can be very effective especially if you have had a traumatic birth or cesarean section. Ensure you find somebody that is skilled and experienced with newborn babies. Babies can be taken to a kinesiologist directly after birth and beyond. They will very gentle adjust your baby through you and re-align their body for them to effective heal themselves from birth. Some babies can carry the trauma of birth for years afterwards so this can be a great tool to calming them and helping them settle and sleep better. My first birth was a very traumatic birth for both myself and my daughter, her shoulder got stuck and they used suction to extract her. I wasn t very aware of what was happening after 24 hours in labor. For a week after her birth she was extremely unsettled and nothing I could do for her would work, she didn t feed well and would only sleep with her head facing one side. I had heard that she could have a mis-shapen skull and other issues if we didn t do something. We took her to a kinesiologist that was recommended and after two sessions she was sleeping on either side of her body and feeding a lot better. I wouldn t say she was the most settled baby even after that but it did make a significant difference. Danielle Wicks, Cage Free Kids founder.

9 SOUND With the continual whooshing sound of blood flowing through the arteries in our bodies, the womb is a noisy place for babies. This might explain why instinctively we make a shhhh sound when a baby is upset this sound can imitate some of the noises familiar to your little one. In keeping with the idea that a noisy environment or constant sounds can calm babies enough to allow them to settle and fall asleep, you can try things like running a vacuum cleaner, a clothes dryer, hair dryer, fan or other white noise appliance (obviously at a safe distance from your baby though). My baby loved the lawn mower, the loud sound of it running was enough to settle him when he was screaming the house down, Danielle Wicks, Cage Free Kids founder. You can also download white noise audio files to play for your baby (White Noise Ambience App) is a great one for your iphone or ipad. Keep sounds loud initially and then fade them out and keep a low constant noise around your baby to help them stay calm.

10 SUCKING Sucking releases natural chemicals within the brain and is very calming to babies. Its effects start deep within the nervous system. You can allow these chemicals to be triggered by allowing your baby to suck on a dummy or pacifier; a clean finger; your breast; or even a bottle. Sucking also helps a baby s skull to return to its normal position after birth. If you are breastfeeding, this will be the most soothing time for your baby, however once breastfeeding is established you can also offer a dummy or pacifier if you don t want to offer your breast at other times. If you are not breastfeeding, you may find the dummy or pacifier is your sanity-saver. I know there are a lot of conflicting thoughts on the use of dummies however I have found them to be a little piece of magic, especially for one of my children. She literally would suck on my breast until it bled. She wasn t interested in feeding all the time; she just wanted to suck. Once I worked this out and offered her a dummy (pacifier), she was happy! SKIN-TO-SKIN CONTACT This is such a beautiful bonding and calming action. Having your baby in contact with your warm, natural (i.e. fragrant-free) skin is heaven for little ones. Skin-to-skin contact is recommended immediately after birth and the effects continue even weeks afterwards. Such contact helps to stabilize a baby s body temperature (which babies have trouble with when they are very young) and heart rate. It also decreases stress hormones through the release of oxytocin the love and bonding hormone in both you and your baby. Topless cuddles, shared baths or showers, baby massage, and bed-sharing are all fantastic skin-to-skin encounters for you and your baby to enjoy.

11 WATER A lot of babies find water calming. The womb is a wet, warm place. The world as we know it is dry and cold! Sometimes a nice warm bath can stop a baby s tears in seconds, especially if it s shared with Mummy or Daddy for some skin-to-skin contact. Some people say that babies need a bath every day to settle them down for a sleep or simply sooth them. While some babies love a bath, others absolutely hate it and it can be very stressful, not to mention cold, for both mama and baby. Do what works for you. If you are cleaning your baby s bottom after every nappy change, they are not going to be dirty. A bath once or twice a week is enough. It can actually be better for baby not to be bathed regularly as the oils on their skin protect them and keep them nice and moisturised. Whatever you do though, do not used fragranced bath solutions. Babies do not need to be bathed in anything but water, especially for the first 6 weeks. A little coconut oil on their bottom is excellent for preventing poop sticking to their little bottoms but they don t need anything else. Also, the chemicals used in a lot of the commercial baby products are really not good for your baby s fragile skin or their health.

12 BABY WEARING Babywearing is a must have for the fourth trimester as well as beyond. Many of the mamas I ve spoken to over the years find that the ultimate way to keep their baby calm, content and asleep for longer is to wear them in a sling or wrap. Babies also learn a lot in this position if they are awake and in a state of being quietly alert. While in utero, babies are in physical contact with us 100 per cent of the time but then as soon as they are born, this time drops to around 40 per cent. Babywearing is a great, easy technique that generally calms your baby and allows Mummy or Daddy to have their arms free to continue on with their day to boot. It s a win/ win situation: mama gets her hands free and mobility back, while her baby is continually cuddled and moving around upright in the tummy-to-tummy position. This position is also great for babies who suffer from reflux or gas (you can read more about reflux and gas in the Colic section). Babywearing is definitely more helpful for bubs with these issues than the semi-seated position of car seats and bouncers. My little girl is now two and I wear her in my baby wrap when going for long walks. It is comfortable and I face her out to see the world. If she falls asleep or is looking tired I can easily face her towards me and she is cuddled off to sleep. I found wearing my baby fantastic for the witching hour so that I could get dinner for my two-year old. My little guy was content as he was essentially being cuddled.

13 When it comes to tools, you want to choose a sling that is supportive for both your spine and your baby s, while also not placing pressure on your baby s hips. Newborns should be carried facing inwards (tummy-totummy) with a bent-up leg pose (watch our video for an example). A pose that is commonly used by many commercial baby carriers is to have a baby s legs dangle and their weight held by their crotch. This isn t great for the growth and development of their hips though, and instead they should be carried in a wrap or sling as if they are being held by you. A sling we highly recommend is one called the Moby Wrap. There are many different variations of this design and they are all great. I actually made my own (it doesn t require ANY sewing and is super easy) but you can also buy them online. Babies will sometimes cry when they are initially placed in a sling. This doesn t mean that they hate it; they just want you to move around. It recreates the position they were in when inside the womb, so it is perfectly natural and comfortable for them. As with swaddling, baby wearing is becoming increasingly popular; however please note that there are important safety guidelines to be followed. Read the guideline for more information (found here)

14 GET OUTSIDE If all else fails, many babies stop crying the minute they hit the open air. Regardless of any studies, it works! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that when outside you will usually be walking around wearing them or have them in a pram and moving. Movement is certainly something they love and that feels secure for them. Sunlight is also one of the best and most natural ways to give your baby a vitamin hit and help calm them. Have you ever noticed that you felt sleepy while lying in the sun? Your baby will too. Babies will thrive and Mums will also benefit from daily exposure to the sun and the subsequent hit of Vitamin D. Lay your baby (totally nude) in a safe position in direct sunlight for ten minutes every day, making sure it is outside of the hours of 10am 3pm. This will give them the vitamin hit they need and also calm them for the day. Make sure the temperature is warm though this sunlight burst may not be an option in some places at certain times of the year, but it is definitely beneficial whenever you can. Vitamin D helps strengthen the immune system and gives bodies energy. Its main function is to regulate the absorption of calcium and phosphorus in our bones and it also aids in the cell-to-cell communication throughout the body.

15 BED SHARING This is quite a taboo subject these days but the reality is that people have been sleeping with their babies for centuries. It is something that makes perfect sense to me. Most people will share a bed with their baby at some stage and often it can be the only way that either of you will get any sleep. There are obviously safety guidelines when sharing a bed though, and these definitely need to be taken into consideration (see this link for more information), but it is a perfectly natural thing to do and is very calming for both you and your baby. When sharing a bed you can keep your baby close and know that they are still okay and breathing. For a baby, they get to smell you and can have the skin-to-skin contact they crave so much. Due to all of the scare campaigns around SIDS, a lot of people are terrified to share a bed with their baby. The fact is though, a lot of studies have actually found (in the right circumstances and done in a careful way) that it is far safer to share a bed than for a bub to be on its own in a separate room. There is, to this day, no research to show that bed-sharing or cosleeping, following the guidelines listed, is a safety or SIDS risk. Instead, it has in fact been shown to save lives. (There are many articles in our Resources section to show the studies into this area if you d like to read more).