BIBLICAL & THEOLOGICAL FOUNDATIONS OF MARRIAGE

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1 EQUIP Workshop Preparing for & Conducting Weddings October 29, 2014

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3 BIBLICAL & THEOLOGICAL FOUNDATIONS OF MARRIAGE

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5 Biblical Basics About Marriage Dr. Robert Jones 1. God created and established marriage: Genesis 1:26-28,31 Genesis 2:18-25 (See also: Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:7-8; Ephesians 5:31) 2. God ordained marriage as a covenant relationship, under God, with your spouse. Marriage is established by a covenant (Proverbs 2:17; Malachi 2:14; also Gen 2:18-25) Marriage is established by a covenant, within the laws and customs of a culture, not by sexual union, although the sexual union expresses that covenant (Exodus 22:16; Deuteronomy 22:28-29; 1 Corinthians 6:16; Genesis 24:67) The covenant is binding during this life (Genesis 2:18-25; Mark 10:1-12; Ephesians 5:22-33), except by death (Matthew 22:29-30 // Mark 12:25; Romans 7:1-4) or divorce (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-12; 1 Corinthians 7:12-16). The covenant can, and should, hold marriages together, even when nothing else does. Cultivate your marriage as your most basic and primary human relationship. The marriage covenant can be viewed in part as a covenant of companionship (Genesis 1:26-28; 2:18, 24; Proverbs 2:17; Mal 2:14) God sovereignly ordained and established your marriage even if it was unwise or unbiblical for you to enter it and he can bring something glorious from it 3. God regulates marriage by revealing his counsel in Scripture about how marriages should be established and lived out. Examples: Purposes of marriage, whom to marry, marital sexual relations, role functions, etc. 4. God designed marriage to picture glorious realities... 1) God s Image as Male and Female (Gen 1:26-28, 31) 2) Union of God and His People (Old Testament), and Christ and His Church (New Testament) Present union (Ephesians 5:22-33; 2 Corinthians 11:2-3; Isa 62:5) Future union (Revelation 19:1-10; cf. Isaiah)

6 Understanding God s Plan for Your Marriage A Bible Study Assignment by Dr. Robert Jones I. God Designed Marriage Study Genesis 2: Who originated the idea of marriage? Why? 2. What implications do these truths have for your marriage? II. God Determined the Purposes for Marriage Study Genesis 2:18, 24; also the terms that describe marriage partners in Malachi 2:14 and Proverbs 2:17 1. What is the major purpose for marriage as suggested by these verses? 2. What kind of commitment does God want you to make with your spouse? What does this mean for you? 3. What other purposes do you think God might have for marriage (not necessarily listed in the above verses)? III. God Declared Marriage to Be Permanent Study Mark 10:1-12; Matthew 19: What was God s plan for marriage from the beginning? 2. What does this say about the importance of the decision you have already made (if you are married) or are planning to make (if you are engaged or pre-engaged)? 3. Under what circumstances might your marriage someday end? IV. God Directs Husbands and Wives in Their Respective Roles Study Ephesians 5:22-33 and 1 Peter 3: What does God say is the role of a husband? 2. What does God say is the role of a wife? See also Titus 2: How do you personally feel about your God-assigned role as a husband or wife? 1991, latest rev Robert D. Jones

7 PREMARITAL PASTORAL CARE

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9 Thinking about Engagement or Marriage? The Bible pictures marriage as a wonderful gift from God and a special delight for us. Next to coming to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, no relationship is more vital, intimate, and meaningful than the husband-wife relationship. Marriage is God s provision to provide deep, lifelong companionship for two committed partners. I remember with joy my own wedding day back in August 1983, and I continue to cherish the relationship God has given me with my wife. In light of the importance God places on marriage, the following kinds of questions call for serious consideration: What is my interest in, and relationship to, Jesus Christ? What does God say in his Word about marriage? Should I get engaged and get married? To whom? How can I best prepare for marriage? What will be my responsibilities as a husband or wife? How will I deal with marriage conflicts? Sex? Money? Parents and in-laws? Thankfully, the God who designed marriage and continues to bless it has also provided us with answers to such questions. His provisions his Word, his Spirit, and his Church are more than sufficient to help us make these premarital decisions. As a pastor, I enjoying helping couples make such decisions and prepare for their marriage. I also have been given the privilege by the state to officiate at their wedding ceremonies. It is a joyous opportunity for me to serve others in this way and to help them build solid Christian homes. At the same time, as a servant of Jesus Christ, I am bound by the principles of his Word in my participation in weddings. As such, I may only perform weddings that I conscientiously believe carry God s approval and blessing. Since neither the Bible, my church, or the government requires me to perform a wedding ceremony, I reserve the right to accept or to decline participation in any particular case without explanation 1985, last rev. 2014, Robert D. Jones

10 Policy on Performing Wedding Ceremonies 1. If you would like pastoral help with any of the above marriage-related issues or if you are interested in having me officiate in your ceremony, please contact me as soon as you and your fiancé decide that you wish to marry. In light of the need for premarital training (see below) and careful preparation for your wedding, contacting me five or six months in advance is ideal. I also suggest that you not set a wedding date before we meet. I also am available for pre-engagement counseling for you or for your potential fiancé before you make the decision to get married. 2. Based on my understanding of God s Word and the laws of the state, I will only perform weddings between a man and a woman who are mature, willing, and currently unmarried, and who satisfy all civil requirements (Romans 13:1-7). 3. For those who are not members of our church, we encourage you to contact your own pastor about his and your church s practices about performing wedding ceremonies and about biblical premarital training. 4. Both partners must be followers of Jesus Christ, having given a credible profession of saving faith in him based on Scripture. I will not marry a Christian to an non-christian, since this violates God s Word (1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14-18). Since my pastoral priority is to help believers establish Christ-centered homes, I may choose to decline requests to marry two non-christians, although such marriages are legitimate before the Lord and usually a good step for couples to take. 5. If you or your fiancé were previously married, we can discuss your particular situation, privately and confidentially, in light of God s Word. While I do not think that a previous divorce automatically disqualifies a person for remarriage, it might, depending on several variables. 6. I normally require both partners to commit in advance to a premarital training program and to complete it successfully before I perform the ceremony. The training usually involves 7-9 pre-wedding sessions of instruction and discussion and 1-2 post-wedding sessions, along with practical growth assignments in between. The assignments will help you grasp and apply God s principles about marriage, and help you better know yourself and your fiancé. We will discuss God s purposes for marriage, communication, handling conflicts, finances, sex, roles, in-laws, planning the ceremony, and other issues of concern to you. 7. The use of our church buildings is a separate issue from any officiating role I might have. Contact our church office for this information. We can also discuss this at our first meeting. For more information, contact me at the above address. As a servant of Christ, I look forward to serving you in a loving and faithful way in this important stage in your life. May God guide you and bless you in your planning for this most wonderful relationship! 1985, last rev. 2014, Robert D. Jones

11 Guidelines for Premarital Care Adapted from SEBTS course BCO6560, Marital and Premarital Counseling I. Why Premarital Training? Everyone needs premarital care! I will not perform a ceremony, or recommend a couple to marry, without the successful completion of biblical premarital training. Arguments to persuade yourself, your church, or your interested premarital couple: 1. The importance of the marriage relationship in God s eyes requires special efforts to prepare couples. 2. Research shows a strong positive correlation between marital premarital training and success, and between the absence of premarital training and divorce. 3. Our culture, our families of origin, and even our Bible-believing churches (let alone non- Bible-believing churches) frequently fail to provide proper instruction and modeling of biblical marriage and family life. 4. The personal testimonial experience by me and others who have received and -who have not received such training II. Advice to Pastors and Church Elders Make it your goal to establish godly marriages, not to perform wedding ceremonies. Should pastors marry two unbelievers? Express your goal by requiring couples to receive solid biblical premarital training. Persuade and secure agreement from your fellow church leaders, and inform your congregation, in advance, of your commitment and policy, and encourage engaged or pre-engaged couples to contact you as early as possible. If for some reason you decide you cannot provide this training yourself, and you decide to refer the couple to someone more skilled, make sure that both you and the counselor understand that the counseling is an extension of the church s ministry and that the church leaders will have a working relationship with that counselor. Either the couple or the church should remunerate the counselor who is serving you and the couple. (True of any referred counseling; the church must maintain its oversight.) Communicate the vision to the couple: Premarital training for you and your fiancé carries indispensable value. It is a proven way to start your marriage right, build a strong marriage, and avoid divorce. Contact your pastors for this help. We will provide it. Don t settle for a brief, inadequate version. How many years have you spent preparing for your job? Be sure you spend much more time preparing for your marriage than for your wedding! 2002, latest rev. 2014, Robert D. Jones

12 Guidelines for Premarital Care What if one fiancé is not willing or not able to commit to this training? Danger! Find out why not, and be prepared to issue a major caution to the one who is committed to this, and to maintain your own standards and commitments. What are the reasons he or she gives for why he or she does not want to do this training? I m too busy; I don t have time. We don t need it. I don t feel like reading a bunch of books Q: Does he have something to hide? Is he lazy? Proud? Not committed to Jesus? Recognize that there are various ways to structure the training/counseling: a) Options concerning recipients: One individual couple at a time Groups of couples in a class or a small group setting, with ongoing private discussion. b) Options concerning methods: Teaching instruction -- live or by audiotape or videotape in the group setting At home reading and/or audio or video tapes Assignments (written and oral) Discussion/counseling with pastor and mentor couples See the sample plan below. Ideally 90 min. sessions every two weeks over the course of 4-5 months Can add components as needed for special concerns related to remarriage, blended/step families, parenting, vocational ministry, etc. View premarital training is a good opportunity to involve your spouse, even if he (or she) does not view himself (or herself) as a counselor. III. Getting Started in Session One Start with the normal introductions, including learning how they met, information and agreement forms, etc. Interview the couple to understand what they desire and how you can help (agenda negotiation). This includes you assessing whether this marriage is biblically proper and a wise course for these individuals. Some questions to help you determine their eligibility: Why do you want to get married? Why do you want to marry this person? What kind of ceremony do you desire? Whom would you like to perform the wedding ceremony? Why? Do you want a Christian ceremony? What do you mean by that? Why do you want that? Where so you wish the ceremony to take place? Why? Have you been married before? Note circumstances, dates, ages, duration, and reasons marriage ended. How do your parents feel about your plan to get married? What do they think of your fiancé? Are there any possible reasons you know why anyone might question the propriety of your marriage? How would you describe yourself in terms of religion? Do you attend church? How often? How would you describe your relationship with God? Your relationship with Jesus Christ? Evangelize as needed at this point or later in this opening session. 2002, latest rev. 2014, Robert D. Jones

13 Guidelines for Premarital Care The chart below, adapted from Howard Eyrich s book, Three to Get Ready, presents one way to summarize what Scripture means when it speaks of Christian believers marrying in the Lord (1 Cor 7:39) or of being equally yoked (2 Cor 6:14-18). It also outlines goals for a Christian man or woman who is considering marriage and for pastors and counselors who guide them. Instructions: Draw a male stick figure to the left of level 1 and a female stick figure to the right. Then consider the five levels and use the questions below to ask yourself whether you and your fiancé (or potential fiancé) as individuals before the Lord, and together thus far, are committed to ascending each level and meeting together atop level #5 for a solid marriage. If you have any questions about yourself or about your fiancé, discuss them immediately with your pastor or counselor. Five Levels of Understanding and Commitment #5 Marriage Vows to God/Spouse #4 Biblical Problem Solving & Conflict Resolution #3 Biblical Meaning of, Purposes for, and Roles in Marriage #2 Bible as My Sole Authority #1 Jesus Christ as My Savior and Lord Each person starts on ground level. Do they see themselves and each other on the same steps? #1 Assess true conversion: Follow Jesus not just believe in Jesus or being a Christian #2 View of Bible. Do they read, believe, and obey it, even when it cuts against their grain? #3 Marriage meaning, purpose, roles. Why do they want to marry? #4 Biblical problem solving. Commitment to work through problems, not flee, deny, or give up? If you cannot work through them will you seek help? Will you release your spouse to seek biblical pastoral help? #5 Covenantal commitment. Absolute fidelity, even if. Discuss the plan and secure their commitment to the training program and fill-in the dates What about any ongoing sexual involvement? Give an overview of the study/discussion assignments and other activities. Assignments Medical exam if necessary Meeting with your mentor couple Submit their first year budget plan anonymously to a financially astute person in the congregation to get his input. 2002, latest rev. 2014, Robert D. Jones

14 Guidelines for Premarital Care Reformatted from Dr. Robert Jones IV. In Subsequent Sessions Work your plan here s a template, Sample Biblical Premarital Training Plan The following is a typical plan for our sessions. I may add or remove sessions or assignments as seems wise. Successfully completing each assignment is a prerequisite for the next session and for completing the program, which in turn is a prerequisite for me officiating your ceremony (or recommending such to another minister). Sessions 1-9 are pre-wedding; session 10 is post-wedding. You will read and discuss several books/booklets: Wayne Mack, Strengthening Y our Marriage OR Dave Harvey, When Sinner Say I Do. (We will discuss which book and why.) David Powlison and John Yenchko, Pre-Engagement: 5 Questions to Ask Yourselves (booklet) Robert D. Jones, Pursuing Peace: A Christian Guide for Handling Our Conflicts (chap 1-8) Larry Burkett, Complete Financial Guide for Y oung Couples (portions) Ed & Gaye Wheat, Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique & Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage You will also complete discussion assignments, Bible studies, Bible memorization, and a first-year planned budget, and to meet with a mentor couple several times before and after your wedding. Date Session # and Topics Assignments Assigned, and Due at the Following Session -- Pre-session assignment (if possible) #1 Welcome, Introduction, Scheduling #2 Reasons for Marriage, and Husband and Wife Roles Read, complete, and sign information, intake, and agreement forms Read Powlison & Yenchko, Pre-engagement booklet Complete Reasons for Marriage" Questionnaire Study Genesis 2:18-25; memorize and meditate on 2:24 Complete Understanding God s Plan for Marriage Bible Study Read/discuss Mack, Unit 1 (Purpose) and Units 2-3 (Roles) R. Jones handout or audio teaching, What is a Christian Marriage? R. Jones handout or audio teaching, Role Relationships in Marriage" Complete and discuss Role Concepts Inventory questionnaire Read/discuss Mack, Unit 4 (Communication) Study Mark 10:32-45; memorize and meditate on Mark 10:45 Read Jones, chapters 1-3 and Appendix A #3 Communication Study Ephesians 4:17-5:2 and list relationship principles Complete Proverbs 10 & 12 Tongue Assignment Bible Study Read Jones, chapters 4-6 Study James 3:13 4:12; memorize and meditate on James 4:1 #4 Conflict Resolution Read/discuss Mack, Unit 5 (Financial Agreement) Read Burkett, pp , Complete/discuss What Does Money Mean? questionnaire Complete Sample Budget for First Year of Marriage #5 Marriage Finances Memory review: Genesis 2:24; James 4:1; Mark 10:45 R. Jones handout or audio teaching, In-Law Relationships #6 Parents and In-Laws Read Jones, chapters 7-8 Look over and discuss ceremony suggestions #7 Planning the Ceremony Read/discuss Mack, Unit 6 (Sexual Unity) Study 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 Read Smith, Biblical Principles of Sex article #8 Sexual Relationship Discuss/outline your plan for church and ministry involvement #9 Growing Your Marriage, Next Steps Schedule 6-week follow-up session Read Wheat, Intended for Pleasure (before your honeymoon) #10 Follow-up Session in Your Home: What do you like best about mar r iage? What pr oblems ar e you experiencing? How can we help you in ongoing ways? 2002, latest rev. 2014, Robert D. Jones

15 Guidelines for Premarital Care Reformatted from Dr. Robert Jones Assess their progress in the premarital training plan. Ask their mentor couple for their opinion. Assuming that they are successfully progressing and that they agree to complete the program, announce your intention to perform the ceremony or to recommend them to the officiating minister. (At the same time, failure to complete the program may mean you will not do so.) If you are officiating, pencil in their desired date, then check with the church leaders and church calendar. V. Additional Concerns in Pre-marital Counseling for Those Previously Married Beyond the usual procedures in premarital counseling, pay additional, special attention to: Each person s previous marriage(s). Why did the marriage end? 1. If it was a divorce Your behavior: In what ways did you contribute to the breakup? Explores sinful attitudes or actions in each person s previous marriage(s)? What assurance do you have, and can you give your fiancé, that you have successfully dealt with those matters and that they will not be a problem in your new marriage? Are you willing to address and work on these matters with the help of me or another biblical pastor or counselor? Your current relationship with your former spouse(s): Have you done everything that God would have wanted you to do at the time of the break up to reconcile the relationship and preserve the marriage? What did you do? Do you need to confess any offenses to a former spouse since the time of the break up, or do you need to gently, wisely confront a former spouse? Have you sought to have a God-pleasing attitude toward each former spouse? Are you dealing with anger, bitterness, jealousy, etc.? Have you forgiven the spouse, both attitudinally (unconditionally) and transactionally (if repentance)? Are there legal matters that one or both of you need to address before you remarry? Does your fiancé know the status of any agreements or arrangements? What does your fiancé think of these matters? Custody and visitation rights Spousal support Child support 2. If it was by death, have you dealt with your grief in a godly way? 2002, latest rev. 2014, Robert D. Jones

16 Guidelines for Premarital Care Reformatted from Dr. Robert Jones A. Is Each Person Free Before God to Remarry? What prerequisites must be met? 1. For the offended spouse in a biblical divorce (i.e., one in which one of the two exceptions exists, if you hold to such) Efforts to reconcile prove to be futile (ex-spouse unwilling, or remarried, or not a Christian) Proper attitude toward ex-spouse esp. forgiveness and not bitterness 2. For the offending spouse in a biblical (one of the two conceptions) divorce Repent. To ex-spouse, and also in some cases to the church (esp. if church discipline) Seek reconciliation If reconciliation is impossible (ex-spouse dies or remarries), then the person might be free. (But be very careful here!) 3. For either spouse in a divorce with no biblical warrant: Must repent Seek reconciliation. Always a priority! If no reconciliation, then church discipline If reconciliation is impossible, then both might be free. B. Financial Unity. Joint accounts? (Encourage see lectures on Financial Matters in Marriage) Prenuptial agreements? (Discourage strongly) C. Each Person s Children Does your fiancé desire to be a stepparent for your children? How well does your fiancé know your children? Do you desire to be a stepparent for your fiancé s children? How well do you know them? Address the dynamics of blended families (see our BCO6570 course, Counseling Parents and Children) What do your children think of your decision? What do your children think of your fiancé? D. Your and Your Fiancé s Parents and Relatives (similar approach as the above approach with your children) E. How will you deal with the specific expectations you might bring to this marriage that have been colored or influenced by your previous marriage? ( This is how my first wife and I handled this. ) 2002, latest rev. 2014, Robert D. Jones

17 Sample Premarital Questionnaire: Getting to Know Your Fiancé Instructions: Complete all fifty questions below, in writing, on a separate piece of paper or notebook. Answer individually and privately. Your premarital counselor-trainer may discuss these questions with you as a couple. General Subjects 1. State your own definition of marriage. 2. Name two characteristics that you most admire in your mate. 3. Name two characteristics which you least appreciate in your mate. 4. Do you consider marriage to be permanent? Why or why not? What would sever it? 5. Is there anything that makes you jealous or distrusting of your mate? 6. What are your goals/aims in life? Have you discussed them with your mate? 7. List three goals you have in marrying your mate. A. B. C. 8. Describe the relationship and attitudes existing between you and your mate s family. 9. Describe the relationship and attitudes existing between your mate and your family. 10.What areas or issues could cause tensions and conflicts in your marriage? 11.List three subjects/issues you want to discuss or learn more about in pre--marital counseling. 12.How much education have you both had? 13.Name three activities or interests you share (e.g. social, hobby, recreation): 14.Do you dislike any of your mate s family or friends? Who? Home, Family, and Communication 15.Describe the marriage your parents have. What strengths and weaknesses did/do you see? 16.Where do you plan to live? Will you be living with your family? 17.How often do you plan to see your family once you are married? 18.Do you desire to have children? If so, how many? 19.Describe your major responsibilities toward your mate and your duties in the home. 20.Describe the responsibilities and duties of your mate as in above question. 21.How do you plan to resolve family problems in your home? 22.What would you do if a particular problem seems hopeless and irresolvable? 23.State your philosophy of child raising. 24.Who is to exercise the disciplining of children? 25.Should your mate ever keep anything a secret from you? If so, what and when? 26.Should each of you be permitted one night per week for your own interests? Spiritual Concerns 27. Describe the spiritual life of your parents and of your home background. 28. Describe your mate s spiritual life. 29. What are some distinctive marks of a Christian marriage and home? 30. How often do you pray or read Scripture or discuss spiritual matters together? How often would you like to in your marriage? 31. Do you have any disagreements with one another in the area of religion? 32. Mention any areas of Christian fellowship and service you would like to do together? 1995, last rev 2014, Robert D. Jones

18 Sample Premarital Questionnaire: Getting to Know Your Fiancé Financial Matters 33. Have you written down together a planned budget? 34. Do both you and your mate plan to work outside the home? What factors might alter that? 35. Should you and your mate have your own personal allowance? How much? 36. Do you plan to buy or rent housing? 37. Describe your attitudes and plans for giving money to the Lord. 38. Describe your perspectives on loans, use of credit cards, buying on time, etc. 39. Will you have joint or separate checking and savings accounts, property ownership, etc? 40. Which of you will handle which responsibilities --handling money, overseeing the budget, balancing accounts, paying bills, computing taxes, etc.? 41. What steps would you take if you began to go into debt? Sexual Matters 42. How would you evaluate your knowledge of physical & sexual matters pertaining to marriage? Are you prepared for marriage in terms of sexual adjustment? 43. How often do you expect you and your mate will have sexual union? 44. Evaluate your mate along the same lines as the above question. 45. Do you plan to use birth control? What form? Have you sought medical opinion on this? 46. What is your opinion on abortion? 47. How important is sex to you in your marriage? How important do you think it will be to your mate? 48. In what ways do you view sexual union as: A Right? A Duty? A Privilege? A Responsibility? 49. What steps would you take if you & your mate experienced problems in this area? 50. What do you now intend to do with these answers? 1995, last rev 2014, Robert D. Jones

19 PLANNING & CONDUCTING A WEDDING CEREMONY

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21 Wedding Policy Examples Courtesy of Bay Leaf Baptist

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23 Wedding Planning Guidelines & Helps

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25 Ceremony Preparation Worksheet Date of Ceremony Location Time Bride Groom Maid of Honor Best Man Bridesmaids Groomsmen Flower Girl Ring Bearer Ushers Musicians Singers Witnesses for License Rehearsal Date & Time Other

26 Traditional Ceremony Order of Service Musical Prelude (15-30 minutes before) General Candlelighting (if candles) Music Shift Groom s Family Seating (will parents light side unity candle?) Bride s Family Seating (will parents light side unity candle?) Solo/Special Music? Music Shift Minister and Groom s party enters (order) Bridesmaids come down aisle (order) Maid of Honor Ring Bearer and Flower Girl Music Shift All stand/remain standing Bride and Escort come down aisle We are gathered here/who gives this bride to be married? Move into final positions/bridal escort goes to seat/congregation sits Solo/Special Music?

27 Traditional Ceremony Order of Service, continued Meaning of Marriage Prayer of Blessing Join right hands/hand bouquet to Maid of Honor Exchange Vows Collect Rings from Best Man and Maid of Honor Meaning of Rings Exchange of Rings Prayer of Dedication Meaning of Unity Candle Lighting of Unity Candle Solo/Special Music? Declaration of Marriage You may kiss/may I present Music shift Recessional Invitation to Reception Receiving Line/reception

28 WEDDING CEREMONY TRADITIONAL SEATING BRIDE GROOM FIRST ROW, LEFT (BRIDE) SIDE Bride s Parents FIRST ROW, RIGHT (GROOM) SIDE Groom s Parents SECOND ROW, LEFT (BRIDE) SIDE Bride s Grandparents & Siblings SECOND ROW, RIGHT (GROOM) SIDE Groom s Grandparents & Siblings THIRD ROW, LEFT (BRIDE) SIDE Special guests of the Bride THIRD ROW, RIGHT (GROOM) SIDE Special guests of the Groom GUEST SEATING BEGINS HERE GUEST SEATING BEGINS HERE When seating family, ushers should seat in this order: grandparents of the groom, grandparents of the bride, mother of the groom (with the father walking behind the usher & mother), & then mother of the bride. Special guests are typically not seated at the same time as family, though they sit with the family.

29 RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

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31 RESOURCES FOR PASTORS & COUNSELORS Howard A. Eyrich, Three to Get Ready: Premarital Counseling Manual, rev. ed. RESOURCES FOR COUPLES CONSIDERING MARRIAGE David Powlison and John Yenchko, Pre-Engagement: Five Questions to Ask Yourselves William P. Smith s mini-book, Should We Get Married? How to Evaluate Your Relationship RESOURCES FOR ENGAGED COUPLES General Books Dave Harvey, When Sinners Say I Do Wayne Mack, Strengthening Your Marriage, 2nd. ed. Wayne Mack, Preparing for Marriage Gods Way: A Step-by-Step Guide for Marriage Success Before and After the Wedding, 2nd. ed. Marital Conflict Robert D. Jones, Pursuing Peace: A Christian Guide for Handling Our Conflicts Ken Sande with Tom Raabe, Peacemaking for Families: A Biblical Guide for Managing Conflict in Your Home Finances Larry Burkett, Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples: A Lifetime Approach to Spending, Saving, and Investing Marital Sex Robert Smith, Biblical Principles of Sex Ed and Gaye Wheat, Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique & Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage RESOURCES FOR MARRIED COUPLES Bryan Chapell, Each for the Other: Marriage as It s Meant to Be Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God Winston T. Smith, Marriage Matters: Extraordinary Change through Ordinary Moments Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage Paul David Tripp, What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage