Free Legal Consumer Guide Series

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1 Free Legal Consumer Guide Series Brought To You By Meeting All Your Legal Needs For 50 Years

2 2 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE If you read this guide, you will discover what you need to know about your legal issue, and learn about your options. Then you will be armed with information so you can make an informed, intelligent decision about what to do. What you should do now: Read this Free Legal Consumer Guide. You should be informed before you talk to an attorney. Call an attorney. At least get an initial consultation to discuss the unique facts of your situation. The best solutions come from applying the law to the facts of your case. No book can do that. Most attorneys offer a 1 hour consultation to discuss your case. You have many good choices in Southern Maryland. Of course, we hope you choose us! We want to be your family s attorney. Contact us today. Disclaimer: (1) Using this guide will not make you a lawyer, and is no substitute for hiring one. Do not represent yourself in any serious legal matter. (2) This guide gives general information and advice. Effective legal advice requires understanding the unique facts of your situation, and applying the law to those facts. (3) Using this guide does not create an attorney-client relationship with our firm. The only way to do that is by meeting with us. (4) The legal advice and information in this guide applies only to Maryland.

3 3 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony AUTHOR PAGE Cameron Methner has been practicing law since She served as law clerk for one of Maryland s most experienced family law Judges. She concentrates her practice in family law, divorce, custody, and civil litigation. See her full biography at /about-us/cameron-methner Andrews, Bongar, Gormley & Clagett is one of the oldest and largest law firms in Southern Maryland serving clients for 50 years. We have more attorneys and a larger staff than other local law firms. That means we can help you and your family in a wider variety of legal matters. Each attorney concentrates in a few key areas so you get the expertise you need, and the personal service you want. Copyright 2013

4 4 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction.. 5 Why the State Makes Divorce Difficult.. 6 Can You Get An Annulment?... 7 What Are The Grounds for Divorce?... 7 Adultery. 9 Cohabitation & Separation Don t Mix. 9 Limited Divorce. 10 The Process of Divorce in 7 Steps.. 11 How Are Property, Assets, and Debts Divided? Alimony Modification of Alimony Termination of Alimony How To Ease The Pain & Expense of Divorce. 31 How a Lawyer Can Help 40

5 5 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony N obody wants to be in a situation where they need to read this guide. Divorce is a difficult process legally, financially, and emotionally. But divorce is a complicated legal matter that will have long term effects. If you make a mistake now, it could hurt you and your family for many years to come. You must arm yourself with the information that empowers you to make informed, intelligent decisions. This Free Legal Consumer Guide will answer some of the most common questions about divorce. It will explain the process, go over your options, prepare you for decisions you will need to make, and help you make it out the other side in the best possible shape. And if you have children, be sure to read our Free Legal Consumer Guide on Child Custody and Child Support. That is another emotional and difficult process where you must make informed, intelligent decisions for you and your family. After reading this guide you should talk with an attorney. Most attorneys offer a consultation for a reasonable flat fee. Any reputable attorney will need to know the specific facts of your case before he or she can provide you with advice. We charge $50 for a one hour consultation where you can meet Cameron and go over the facts of your case with her.

6 6 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony WHY THE STATE MAKES DIVORCE DIFFICULT Marriage is more than a relationship in the eyes of the law. Marriage is essentially a contract like any other, and you can only get out of a contract if you have the proper legal grounds to do so. Divorce is the legal end of the marriage contract, so you need the proper legal grounds to get a divorce. The term grounds essentially means reasons. You must prove you have a good enough reason (in the eyes of the State) to be granted a divorce. The state regulates and controls marriage. You need a license for it. Just as the state regulates the beginning of marriage, they regulate the end of it. Maryland, like many other states, dictates the proper grounds for being able to get out of a marriage. Some states have no fault divorce laws (which means the parties can just agree to divorce), and some states recognize the very vague irreconcilable differences as a ground for divorce. Maryland does not. In Maryland, you must have one of the specific grounds for divorce in order to be granted one. A one year separation is the closest Maryland gets to a no fault divorce. See details below.

7 7 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony CAN YOU GET AN ANNULMENT? A divorce is the termination of a marriage relationship. An Annulment means the relationship never legally existed. It is extremely hard to get an annulment in Maryland. You must essentially prove that your marriage was induced by fraud, or that you literally did not know what you were doing. Some people think they can get an annulment within a certain short time period, or if the marriage was never consummated. That may be true in other states, but it is not true in Maryland. WHAT ARE THE GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE? You can get a divorce in Maryland if you can prove one of these grounds: Adultery (which is not as easy to prove as you might think. See below for the details.) Actual Desertion, meaning one party leaves the marriage, if it is deliberate, final, and lasting for at least 12 months. Constructive Desertion, meaning one party is driven from the marriage by the behavior of the other party (Note: Desertion can be kind of hard to define. A lot of other issues get placed into this category, like cruelty of treatment. Ask your attorney for details.)

8 8 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony Conviction of a crime, but only if your spouse was sentenced to serve 3 years or more. Insanity if your spouse was confined to a mental institution for 3 years and their insanity is proved by a doctor s testimony. Cruelty & Excessively Vicious Conduct. This usually requires a pattern of behavior. It can be physical or mental. Your attorney can tell you if your particular situation fits this definition. One Year Separation without interruption, without reasonable expectation of reconciliation, and without cohabitation (which means sleeping under the same roof, not just sleeping together. See below for details.) This is by far the most used ground for divorce, and is discussed further below. As you can see, the first 5 grounds require proof of some wrongful act. It is less common to see a divorce granted on these grounds. Proof is sometimes difficult. And you may be forcing your spouse to fight you over the allegations (especially if you are claiming adultery). Separation is the most commonly used ground for getting a divorce. It does not require proof of a wrongful act, and is useful if you want to avoid a fight. Most couples start the divorce process with a separation. These definitions can get complicated. Ask an attorney if you think you have a ground for divorce other than 1 year separation.

9 9 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony ADULTERY Adultery is not easy to prove in Maryland. It requires proof of: (a) Opportunity to commit it, and (b) Inclination to commit it. It requires a corroborating witness. The Courts have placed a rather high bar on proving these two circumstances. Maryland Courts make this difficult to prove on purpose. They don t want to hear contested adultery claims if they can avoid it. f you are in this situation, you should ask an attorney for advice. COHABITATION & SEPARATION DON T MIX It is important to understand the one year separation must be completely uninterrupted. If you and your spouse cohabitate, even for a night, the clock is reset and you need to wait another year. Cohabitation is defined as sleeping under the same roof - even if one of you sleeps on the couch. The Court does not want to get into your bedroom when deciding your divorce case. That is why sleeping under the same roof, even if you don t sleep together, is enough to invalidate the separation. This rule can cause inconvenience, but you must be sure to abide by it. It is one of those seemingly small issues that can seriously delay your divorce case if you are not aware of it.

10 10 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony LIMITED DIVORCE Maryland has a limited divorce option, which sounds strange but is actually very useful in certain situations. A limited divorce formalizes the separation, and gives it the power of a Court order. Some people may call this a legal separation. You are still technically married even if you get a limited divorce. You will not really be divorced until the final Order of Divorce is signed. The Court may only address a limited number of issues in a limited divorce. These issues are: Child Custody; Child Support; Visitation; Alimony; and Use and possession of the marital home. In some cases, you cannot wait a year to deal with these issues. If you think you may need a limited divorce, consult an attorney sooner rather than later.

11 11 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony WHAT IS THE PROCESS OF DIVORCE? Here is a step by step guide to the process you will go through in a divorce case. Step 1: Consult an Attorney The first thing you should do is consult with an attorney. This point bears repeating the right answers for your divorce depend on the specific facts of your unique situation. Those details can make a big difference in the advice your divorce attorney will give you. If you intend to get a divorce on the basis of any ground other than separation, evidence is needed to prove your case. Do not try to do this on your own before consulting an attorney. The rules are complicated, and way beyond the scope of this article. Step 2: Separate Separating is legally necessary to get a divorce based on separation. It is usually a good idea if you have any of the other grounds for divorce. (Of course, we understand it may be hard to do in certain circumstances.)

12 12 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony For a divorce based on separation, you must be separated the entire year before you can even file the final divorce action. That one year clock will not start ticking until one spouse moves out. Before you move out, consult an attorney about the consequences. It may affect child custody, your ability to keep the marital home, and certain property. A year is admittedly a long time to wait for your divorce. However, there is a lot to do in that year. Now is the time to try and work out the legal issues raised by a divorce, so the eventual divorce hearing can be uncontested, or at least go smoothly. Step 3: Try to Reach a Separation Agreement Most couples use this year of separation to attempt negotiations which hopefully lead to a formal Separation Agreement. The Separation Agreement sets out the terms of settlement between you and your spouse. It is a negotiated agreement not one dictated by the Court. Those terms will later be adopted by the Court when granting the final divorce. That gives the agreement the power of a Court Order, and it can be enforced the same way as any other Court Order.

13 13 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony A Separation Agreement is simply a contract between spouses that covers all the legal issues raised by your divorce. It covers assets and debts, the house, the kids, visitation schedules, etc. It can be as detailed as you like. This process works best if each spouse has their own attorney, and the attorneys negotiate the terms of the separation agreement for you. Most couples cannot go through this process themselves. It is too emotional. An attorney s advice during this time is priceless. Even if the two of you can negotiate without help, you should still see a divorce attorney for advice, and to write up the final agreement. You will never know if you are getting a fair deal without good legal advice, and if your agreement is defective the Court could reject it, or be unable to enforce it later. You really are playing with fire to try this on your own. There are many ways an agreement can be reached in your divorce case. The parties can agree with only the help of their attorneys, or they can use a trained mediator to reach an agreement. Courts are pushing mediation these days. They may order it in your case. The mediator can sometimes help reach an agreement even if one spouse is being unreasonable.

14 14 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony Step 4: File Your Lawsuit If you are unable to reach a separation agreement with your spouse, you must file suit. Your claim will be for divorce, and you will have to go through all of the usual Court proceedings on the way to trial. However, what many people do not know is that you will have to file suit against your spouse even if you have a Separation Agreement! In order to get the divorce, you must file a formal legal action in Court. This is technically a lawsuit against your spouse. The Court will grant the divorce only after you prove your grounds, usually with testimony. However, the process is much faster and easier if you have an agreement and your divorce is uncontested.

15 15 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony Step 5: Give Testimony To Validate Your Grounds Even in an uncontested case, you must give formal testimony providing proof you have the grounds for divorce. You will also need a witness who can confirm that your testimony is accurate. This can be done in Court, but it can also be done through a hearing examiner, who is a lawyer appointed by the Court to take this testimony. That may be more convenient, but is only available if the divorce is uncontested. The examiner will forward a copy of your testimony to the Court for approval of your divorce. Step 6: If You Cannot get a Separation Agreement Trial If you and your spouse are unable to reach an agreement, you will have a trial in Court. Your trial may be in front of a Judge, or it may be in front of a Master of Domestic Relations. Masters are like Judges, but a Judge must approve the decisions they make. Trials before either one are a formal Court proceeding like any other. They can last as long as necessary and you can call witnesses and present evidence.

16 16 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony Trials in domestic cases are painful for all concerned, but sometimes it is the only way to resolve your case. At the end of the trial, all the decisions regarding your life will be made by a Judge or Master who has never met you before, and only on the basis of what comes out at trial. Trials in divorce cases are best avoided if you can get a fair resolution without one. It is less messy, less emotional, and can be less expensive. But sometimes that just isn t possible. You should always be prepared to go to trial, if only to force your spouse to negotiate fairly. Step 7: Get Your Final Order of Divorce You do need a formal, written document signed by the Court to get your divorce. Only after that document is signed by a Judge, and the 30 day time limit in which to file an appeal has run out, are you actually and finally divorced. If you have a contested trial, the final Order of divorce comes after a hearing, and after the Judge or Master has considered all the evidence and testimony.

17 17 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony If you have an uncontested divorce, this will come once the Court reviews your case and your testimony. The Court will pass an Order granting the divorce that includes the terms of the Separation Agreement. HOW ARE PROPERTY, ASSETS, & DEBTS DIVIDED? Contrary to popular belief, assets are not always divided equally at the end of your divorce case, at least in Maryland. That happens in states that have community property laws (meaning once you say I do, each spouse owns all the assets of the other spouse). Two of the biggest community property states are New York and California, which is where most high profile celebrity divorces occur. That is why many people assume the automatic 50/50 division is the law everywhere. Maryland is an equitable distribution state. It recognizes the concept of marital property. Maryland divorce Courts will force a fair division (not necessarily an equal division) of all marital property.

18 18 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony Marital property is all property acquired by one or both parties during the term of the marriage. The term of the marriage is from the moment you are officially married to the moment the Court grants the divorce. Debts are generally treated the same way as assets. Debts acquired during the term of the marriage will be equitably divided (at least those acquired for the benefit of both spouses). (And of course, there are exceptions to this general rule. Ask your attorney.) Therefore, assets or debts you bring into a marriage remain yours alone after the divorce. Personal belongings acquired before the marriage remain yours alone. Gifts or inheritances given to you alone also remain yours despite the divorce. All property directly traceable to these types of property (if you used your inheritance to buy a boat, for example) remain yours alone despite the divorce. However, there are exceptions to this general rule, so ask an attorney if you have this issue. The real trick to analyzing marital property is figuring out what is what. Once people get married, they tend to combine their assets and debts. There is always growth in the value of assets during the term of the marriage. It becomes difficult to figure out what is marital property and what is not.

19 19 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony In fact, it can be extremely complicated, and that is why you really need a family law attorney to figure this out. To make things worse, the divorce Court will not usually order property transferred. They will usually give one spouse a monetary award, which is enforced like any other monetary judgment given by the Court. That may require garnishing property, wages, etc. It can be very messy (and expensive). Rather than going through this exercise, most people going through a divorce negotiate one asset or debt for another so they don t have to be divided at all. This makes more sense, if you can do it in a fair manner. Yet it is still a complicated process, no matter how you do it. Retirement Accounts Retirement accounts that qualify as marital property are subject to being divided in a divorce proceeding just like any other property. The trick is to figure out how much is marital property and how much is not. Retirement accounts have a special problem. Most cannot legally be divided now, at least not without incurring huge tax penalties. In these situations an attorney can put together a

20 20 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony complicated document called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO, often called a quadro ) which instructs the holder of the retirement account how to disburse it when the time comes to do so. We usually ask a specialist attorney to do QDRO s in our cases, since they involve complex tax law. This assures the QDRO is done right and is enforceable when the time comes which may be years from now. The House You may not be forced to sell your house, at least not at first. One spouse can take it over and refinance it in their name alone. The Court also has the power to award use & possession of the house to one party for up to three years from the divorce. Use and possession of a family home is often given to the custodial parent of minor children, so the children can remain in the house. But eventually, unless the parties agree otherwise, the house will be sold and the proceeds will be divided.

21 21 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony ALIMONY Alimony is a payment from one spouse to the other spouse in order to help the second spouse become self-supporting. Alimony can be awarded during or after a divorce. When alimony is ordered, the divorce Court favors awarding temporary alimony, as opposed to indefinite alimony. The idea is to allow a time period so the spouse receiving alimony can rehabilitate themselves. That means the Court will want the spouse receiving alimony to get back to making a higher income and becoming self supporting. Self-supporting means more than being able to get a job that pays the bills and allows you to live without assistance. The two former spouses must be able to survive without such a large financial difference between them that the Court would consider it unfair. So if you and your spouse both have jobs that pay about the same amount, alimony is not likely to be considered. However, if one spouse makes twice the income of the other spouse, or if one spouse does not work at all, alimony could be an issue in your divorce case.

22 22 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony Of course, the devil is in the details, and you should keep reading to find out what those details are. You should also definitely seek the advice and guidance of an attorney if you think alimony is a possibility in your divorce case. Whether or not you get alimony is going to depend on the specific and unique facts of your case. Each situation is different. The Court really looks at alimony requests on a case by case basis. An attorney familiar with your local Courts can tell you if alimony is likely to be awarded in your case. YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR ALIMONY In Maryland, alimony is not automatically given in divorce cases. A spouse has to make a specific request and ask the Court for alimony or the divorce Court will not consider it at all. You can certainly get it if you need it, but you have to ask for it and prove you are entitled to it, much like the grounds for divorce. If you do request alimony, you then have to prove that you can actually get a divorce. The Court will not award any kind of alimony unless you show you are likely to get an annulment, a limited divorce, or an absolute divorce. Basically, you have to ask for alimony and prove the grounds for a divorce before alimony is awarded.

23 23 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony THE NEED FOR PROOF TAXES Warning: We are not accountants. They are the best people to give tax advice. However, generally speaking, the spouse that pays alimony gets a tax deduction, and the spouse getting alimony has to claim it as income. Alimony is generally taxable. In order to get alimony, you must have evidence that it is called for in your case. The Court will consider a lot of factors, based on what you present at a contested hearing with formal rules of evidence. These factors will decide if alimony should be awarded, how much, and for how long. If you do not present your reasons for or against alimony to the Court, the Court will not consider them. This is why we never advise anyone to try and handle an alimony case on their own. There are some proceedings you can do on your own. Even then, we encourage you to get a consultation for guidance. Alimony is complicated and requires a lot of proof. Do not try to handle your own claim for alimony.

24 24 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony TYPES OF ALIMONY There are three different types of alimony in Maryland: 1. Temporary Alimony awarded before the divorce proceeding. 2. Rehabilitative Alimony awarded after the divorce proceeding, and for a limited time. 3. Indefinite Alimony continues into the future, until death or remarriage. TEMPORARY ALIMONY Temporary alimony is alimony that can be awarded before getting your final divorce order. The Court will base their decision primarily on the current need for the requested temporary alimony. The Court also takes into account the likelihood of a spouse being awarded alimony at the divorce proceeding. The spouse requesting temporary alimony must prove: There was a marriage, There are good grounds for the divorce, There is a financial need, and The other spouse has the ability to pay.

25 25 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony Temporary alimony can lead to more alimony. If temporary alimony is paid before your divorce is formally filed, and there is no complaint, the Court may be more likely to grant rehabilitative or indefinite alimony later. Get a divorce lawyer to help you early in the process. REHABILITATIVE ALIMONY This is also called statutory alimony. In Maryland, rehabilitative alimony is way more common than indefinite alimony in divorce proceedings. Rehabilitative alimony is paid for a certain period of time, until the spouse receiving alimony is able to become selfsupporting. The Court will not often grant long periods of alimony. They want each party to a divorce proceeding to become self supporting as soon as practical. This type of alimony is decided during the divorce proceeding and it can be awarded from the date the request for alimony was filed. This is called backdating. Therefore, the original complaint requesting alimony many months ago can be the date from which alimony can be awarded.

26 26 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony The spouse requesting rehabilitative alimony must prove alimony is fair because of: Their inability to be self-supporting after the divorce, The time required to find suitable employment, The standard of living of the parties during the marriage, The length of marriage, The contributions (both monetary and non-monetary) made to the well-being of the family, The circumstances contributing to the breakup, The age of each party, The physical and mental condition of each party, The ability of the paying spouse to meet the dependent spouse s needs while still supporting themselves after the divorce, Any agreement between the parties concerning alimony, The financial needs and resources of each party, and The need of one spouse for medical care. That is a long list, and it makes for a complicated trial. Each of these factors has special rules and exceptions that may apply in your case. To make matters more confusing, rehabilitative alimony and indefinite alimony can be awarded together. If awarded together, rehabilitative alimony will end at a specified time. Indefinite alimony would continue after that.

27 27 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony INDEFINITE ALIMONY Indefinite does not mean permanent. Just because the Court does not set an end date, doesn t mean it won t ever end. Indefinite Alimony can be modified as discussed below. It will also terminate if the spouse receiving alimony re-marries, or if either spouse dies. Indefinite alimony will usually occur when a spouse cannot be expected to become self-supporting due to an inability to earn enough, a disability, or other barriers to earning a living. Indefinite alimony can also be awarded if there is a huge difference between the incomes of the parties which will persist after the divorce. The law refers to this as a disparity between the parties. There is no set guideline for finding a disparity in a divorce case. The Courts address it on a case by case basis. It is more than a simple math exercise. If the disparity is so great to be considered grossly unfair, then indefinite alimony may be awarded. Take this example: Ann makes $500,000 a year and Bob makes $20,000 a year. If Bob will never reach the same level of income as Ann, even if he had all the training he could, then Bob may get indefinite alimony.

28 28 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony When considering indefinite alimony, the Court will use the same factors as rehabilitative alimony. After that, the Court will also consider: Age, illness, sickness or disability that prohibits a person from making substantial progress towards becoming self-supporting after a divorce is final. Will the standard of living of the parties after the divorce be unfairly different, even after the party seeking alimony has made as much progress toward becoming self-supporting as can reasonably be expected? MODIFICATION OF ALIMONY To modify alimony, the Court must find there has been a change of circumstances since the original divorce proceeding. There are two different ways that alimony can be modified after a divorce: 1. There can be an extension of time that alimony is provided, or 2. The dollar amount of alimony can be changed To extend the time period of alimony, a request must be made and that request must occur before the original alimony award expires. The Court will look at those same alimony factors listed above. The Court will award more alimony if they find that without the extension there would be a harsh and unfair result.

29 29 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony To modify the amount of alimony paid, the requesting party must show that there is a need for modification. There must be something new, or something that has changed since the initial award of alimony for the Court to consider a modification of that award. If the issues brought up now could have been dealt with at the original divorce proceeding, the Court may not consider them during the modification. If you and your spouse have an agreement about alimony that says a divorce Court may not modify it, or that specifically waives any right to alimony, the Court is less likely to modify that agreement during your divorce. Alimony is not like child support, which the Court will always reconsider regardless of what you agree to. Children of divorce get special protection from the Court. The Court is more likely to let adults make their own deals concerning their own income after a divorce.

30 30 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony TERMINATION OF ALIMONY The termination of alimony is rather simple. Unless you and your spouse agree otherwise (in a written agreement) alimony terminates upon: PALIMONY The death of either party, The marriage of the spouse receiving alimony, or The Court finds termination is necessary to avoid a harsh and unfair result. The spouse who is trying to terminate alimony has the burden of proving the harsh and unfair result. Palimony is not actually a legal term of art (like alimony). It is a term coined in the media. It means Alimony that is paid to a pal, or girlfriend or boyfriend. The situation is this: the parties are not married, but are living together in a marriage-like relationship. This is called a common law marriage. Maryland does not have common law marriage, nor does it recognize a non-married couple s right to alimony upon a break-up of the relationship. You must have been married to receive alimony in Maryland. There is no palimony in Maryland.

31 31 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony HOW TO EASE THE PAIN & EXPENSE OF DIVORCE The breakup of a marriage is a painful and emotional process. In many ways it is the worst time to make smart decisions affecting your future. Yet it is very important that you do so. The decisions you make now can profoundly affect your life, and the lives of your children, for years. Thankfully, there are ways to reduce the pain and expense of divorce, so you can concentrate on making smart decisions. Unfortunately, too many people fail to take advantage of these options. They let their emotions get the better of them, and later find themselves in a less favorable position when the process is over. They also spend way too much money getting there. Only the attorneys get rich that way. It is important to note at the beginning that using these methods does not mean you are giving up and letting your spouse win. On the contrary, this article will tell you how important it is to fight when you need to, for things that are important. But you should hope to avoid the need to fight.

32 32 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony These methods will allow you to try that, and will keep control where it belongs with you. These options may not be right for every situation. A good attorney will consider these methods in light of your particular situation, and be able to advise you on the proper course. In general, the bottom line on divorce is this: if you and your spouse cannot agree to resolve the issues between you, it will be done in Court by a Judge who never met you before. That is unpredictable and expensive. You will have little control over that process. It is always better to retain as much control of your situation as possible. These methods allow you to do that. The first two points we discuss are not even true methods of resolving your case. They involve your mind set and choices you make before you even begin the process. Yet they are the most important aspects of resolving a divorce with less pain and expense.

33 33 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony YOUR MIND SET The first thing you can do involves your mind set. You must have the right attitude towards your case and your future to make these methods work. There are three major components to building that mind set. First, you must be ready to think about the long term. No matter how bad things look now, and no matter how painful it is now, you will one day be happy and healthy again. How well off you will be then depends on what you do now. Be prepared to take the actions now that will put yourself in the best position when the process is over. Those who think short term are likely to make decisions based on their emotions, instead of their best interests. Think five years ahead, instead of five minutes ahead. This pays off. Secondly, resolve yourself to be productive and businesslike. We know that is not easy now. The urge to fight back is sometimes overwhelming. But that may not be the best method to reach your goals. Your goal for a future happy life is the most important. Do not allow yourself to forget that when the going gets tough.

34 34 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony Third, you have to know exactly what is important and what is not. You must be willing to fight for what is important to you and your children. You should be willing to negotiate things that are not important in order to keep those things that are. Make two lists: List 1: Make a list of things you consider very important to your future. Discuss that list with your attorney. Always keep your long term goals in mind while navigating the divorce process. List 2: Next, make a list of things you would like, but which may not be worth a knock-down, drag-out fight. These items are nice to have, and you do want them, but they are not critical to your future. You may consider negotiating these items if that becomes necessary to protect the things on the first list. Building this mind set is extremely important if you have children from the marriage. Your children will be affected by the relationship between you and your spouse during this trying time. And you will be forced to deal with your spouse in the future. You will at least need a businesslike relationship for future graduations, parties, weddings, and the like. How manageable that relationship will be depends largely on actions you and your spouse take now.

35 35 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony YOUR CHOICE OF ATTORNEY Many people make the mistake of thinking they need a cutthroat divorce lawyer. That is almost always the wrong choice. Any competent, experienced divorce attorney will tell you that. Your lawyer will dramatically affect the chances of the case resolving favorably. Some lawyers make a lot of money by never working things out, and always letting the Judge decide. This is an expensive choice both financially and emotionally. More fighting = more attorney s fees. That is why certain attorneys encourage it. But you must have a lawyer who will fight for you when it is necessary. If your spouse is going to be difficult, then Court may be the only option. You need an attorney who will try to use some of the following methods, but will fight if your situation calls for it. You can then feel confident that by attempting the methods described here, your attorney has your best interests (not his or her own financial interests) at heart.

36 36 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony In fact, being prepared for trial is actually the best negotiating tactic. The other side must know you can, and will, fight and win at Court before they will be properly motivated to negotiate in good faith. The best divorce attorneys are tough but reasonable. They will keep your goals in mind during negotiations, and be willing to go to Court if an agreement cannot be reached. But they will also be reasonable and will encourage you to be reasonable. Judges know the reputations of various attorneys, and treat them (and you) accordingly. If you want to be treated reasonably by the Judge, you should retain an attorney who is known to be reasonable. Also keep in mind how important it is to hire an attorney who regularly practices in the local Courts. Your attorney should know what the local Judge is likely to do in your situation, so you can tell if you will get a better deal in Court than what your spouse is offering.

37 37 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony SEPARATION AGREEMENT The cleanest and easiest way to get through a divorce is to make it uncontested. This means the parties have resolved all of the issues between them. Formal Court proceedings are still necessary, but Court now becomes quick, easy, and less expensive. The hard part, of course, is resolving the issues first. To do that, you and your spouse can enter into a Separation Agreement. A Separation Agreement is simply a contract between you and your spouse that covers all the legal issues raised by your divorce. If you resolve your divorce issues through a Separation Agreement, the Court will adopt the Separation Agreement into its final divorce order, giving it the force of any other Court Order. It will have exactly the same effect as a Court Order given to a couple who spend three days in trial having a knock-down, drag-out fight. You can enforce it the same way if it is violated later. The big difference is this: The Court ruling is straight from the Judge. You have no control over it. A Separation Agreement keeps all of the decision making power where it should be with you.

38 38 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony An attorney is vital if you are going to enter into a Separation Agreement. This is a contract like any other, and it must have certain items in it to be valid and enforceable. You must be sure to cover all of the important issues. Your attorney will know which issues should be covered, and will be sure to address them in the agreement. See all the details on Separation Agreements earlier in this guide. FOUR WAY MEETING Sometimes it can be productive for the parties to meet, along with their attorneys, to nail down the details of a Separation Agreement. This usually occurs when the parties have reached the broad outlines of a deal, but need to work out the details. Everyone shows up ready to do business, with the protection of, and instant access to, their attorney. As long as everyone stays reasonable, these meetings can be very productive. This is another reason your choice of attorney is important. Attorneys who can work together can make these meetings go very well for you. If your attorney does not work well with others, this can be a waste of time or worse, can sink a deal and lead to an unnecessary courtroom battle.

39 39 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony MEDIATION An increasingly popular method of settling domestic situations is mediation. Courts love it, and often order it in divorce and child custody cases. Mediation involves one or more meetings between the parties and a trained mediator. This is not always a lawyer, but is someone who has received extensive training in mediating disputes among couples. Even if you think there is no hope of reaching an agreement with your spouse, mediation can sometimes be productive. The mediator is trained to put the parties in a frame of mind that makes agreement possible. Sometimes the most stubborn spouse can be made to understand the value of a mediated agreement. A mediator will play middle man between you and your spouse in discussing terms of a possible agreement. If successful, an agreement will be reduced to writing and your attorney or your mediator will draw it up just like a Separation Agreement. You will have to show up for the sessions with the mediator, and you will usually have to pay ½ of the mediator s fee. This is way less expensive than a Court trial.

40 40 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony Although you do not need an attorney to go through mediation, you will find one valuable before and after the process. You will always need to know what the law says about a certain issue, and what the Court is likely to do in your situation. An attorney will tell you if the agreement is fair, compared to what you would likely win in Court. An attorney will still be needed to review the agreement. HOW AN ATTORNEY CAN HELP An attorney is vital if you are going through a divorce. We are not just saying that to get business out of you. The best advice for you depends on the specific facts of your unique situation. This process can be a maze, and you may need a guide. It is impossible to tell you in some article how these general rules will affect you personally. That is just the way it is with domestic relations laws. We have to know your particular situation. And there are always exceptions to these rules. We cannot possibly cover every issue here.

41 41 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony You are going to be more emotional during this time, and it helps to have someone advising you of the best course of action for the long term. An attorney has seen this before, and their experience will help guide decisions in your case. An attorney will also know what the local Judge will most often do in your situation, and you can decide to go to trial or settle accordingly. Knowing what a Judge or Master is likely to do in a divorce case like yours is an important consideration affecting the advice you will receive. We would never advise anyone to try and handle their family law case on their own. Too much is at stake. However, if you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, you should still get a consultation for advice. Most attorneys charge a reasonable consultation fee for an hour of their time. That is well worth the money.

42 42 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony If you cannot hire an attorney after the consultation, there are forms you can fill out to get a divorce. We do not advise this if you can afford an attorney by any other means, but you can do it yourself if you really don t have the money. The Clerk of the Circuit Court will have the forms for you but cannot give you legal advice. Another option is the free family law clinic at the Courthouse. This is sponsored by the local bar association. A local attorney with experience in family law will be at the Courthouse and willing to meet with people to give some free advice. You should call the Courthouse and ask them about the next available date. CONCLUSION We hope this article has helped you understand the process and the general rules about divorce in Maryland. You should have a better idea of your options. We hope your divorce case is as painless as possible, and that you quickly get to the point where you can look to a brighter, happier future. If you would like to meet with us for a consultation about your divorce case, please call us any time and set an appointment. It can be by phone or in person.

43 43 What You Need To Know About Divorce & Alimony LOCAL RESOURCES Southern Maryland has a lot of great non-profit organizations that can help you and your family if you are facing a need. These are some we know and trust. Legal Aid Bureau: legal services without cost Center for Abused Persons: The name says it all Center for Children: helping children and families have positive relationships. Provides referrals, counseling, parenting skills, support groups, and supervised visitation The Promise Resource Center: Training and education for all who care for children, including parents & grandparents Tri-County Youth Services Bureau: help for kids and families, counseling for individuals and groups, substance abuse help The Catherine Foundation: Support for pregnant women, fathers, and women with infants

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